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    #61
    Getting started~

    Little nervous about the Drs. It's been a long while since I have been for anything. 18+ months. All the test need to be done, it's going to be more invasive than I want to go through today. I had hoped to get up and out early, but the morning isn't always in my complete control, kids running late or the weather making me sleepy, and last night I had three glasses of wine, felt like 6! The Kudzu may be affecting my sleep or energy, have to research that. NEED TO FORCE MYSELF INTO THE SHOWER and power through the thoughts of canceling the Dr appt. I hear myself already asking for xanax... I have been doing so good without it. My anxiety is higher trying to not drink but really it's highest after I do drink. F*CK!!!!!!!!!

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      #62
      Getting started~

      Hi Bp,
      Just sending you a bit of support. I used to be terrified of my Dr, but when I finally came 'clean' about my problems he as been nothing but support. I actually look forward to seeing him.
      J x
      :l
      It could be worse, I could be filing.
      AF since 7/7/2009

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        #63
        Getting started~

        Thanks J ... I keep wavering about bringing up drinking. I want to do the MWO program and well, maybe, it's just an excuse.

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          #64
          Getting started~

          You're not going to believe this but he had actually heard of MWO and told me to give it a try.
          Although I joined Sept 2008 I didn't start posting 'til July 2009.
          Have a quick look at my signature.
          J x
          :l
          It could be worse, I could be filing.
          AF since 7/7/2009

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            #65
            Getting started~

            Okay, I will read through, thanks.
            You are doing well now?

            Comment

              #66
              Getting started~

              Went to the Dr. She mentioned antabuse but suggested it was a big guns approach and often a court ordered thing for DUI etc... that it would possibly be worse than my drinking habit. So I picked up bigger stocks of LGLUT and Kudzu.
              Have been cutting back. Have so much less guilt too. One box of wine has lasted two weeks... just keeping myself in a conscious thought of not drinking or cutting back.

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                #67
                Getting started~

                Have still been drinking but something has changed. I don't have huge cravings but I also don't stop when just slightly buzzed all the time. I think the kudzu has made the effects of alcohol and other stimulants stronger in my system. It would be good to know if this has happened to others. Now, even a small amt. of caffeine can have a huge impact, and my sense of smell seems to be more acute. Interesting.
                I haven't made one goal that I have set for myself yet though. Not even the week abstinence.

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                  #68
                  Getting started~

                  Hi BPleasant, loved your truthfullness and I hope you continue to stick with the non -drinking plan. I drink wine too. One of my adult kids told me he wants to cut down or stop drinking so today I emailed him this website and offered to join him on a three week non-drinking challenge. I hope he takes me up on it for both our good. I think I would do more for my child than for myself. What I like the most about your post is that you don't make excuses for yourself. Your honesty humbles me. I have the best intentions but it seems that alcohol controls me and I only drink a half bottle most nights. Wish there was a magic formula to reach the point of actually following through on plans to quit. Let me know if you've found it.
                  Tipplerette

                  I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

                  "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
                  ? Lao-Tzu

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                    #69
                    Getting started~

                    HUGS....


                    Heading out for a bit. I hope to put more in my life, less on wine.

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                      #70
                      Getting started~

                      Kudzu~ I shared the Kudzu with a friend of mine a few weeks back. He has issues with over eating, he took them for a few days and then stopped, he told me it made him not want to eat and that when he is eating, he wants to want to do it.

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                        #71
                        Getting started~

                        Going to have to get back to THINKING about not drinking.
                        I have been 'on vacation' and partying/drinking(no drugs) every other day again. I will be going back to school, working out more, eating delicately and looking forward to much less drinking and more productivity.

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                          #72
                          Getting started~

                          Joined January 31st- What's changed since then? Much less guilt about drinking. Probably not the best outcome to have come about but it does help to not be self-battering the way I was. It helps me not have the day after mini panic attacks or bigger ones. I did get two round of xanax since then both times for trips I took. So, that addiction is good, no longer an addiction. My last trip, well, I can't say I drank less! Wow, I am impressed with how much I can still do while drinking, including warning others to be aware of my state of being, 'keep me safe' keeping myself safe. I have lost a few more pounds, would like to loose a few more pounds. (I can ramble so easily!)
                          My last post mentions going back to work, that's an in the Fall goal, kids out of school for the summer and I know work won't fit in our schedules with that.
                          I did print out the MWO book, lent it to a friend and now have no idea where it is. Have to look for the tonight, keep it next to one of my fav wine drinking chairs and take notes. Keep it in view.
                          I think the longest I have gone AF since Jan 31st is 5 days. I didn't drink yesterday, but bought a case of wine the day before.
                          ~Just for me...

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                            #73
                            Getting started~

                            Hi Bp,

                            Nice to see you back. Was going to say hello on the other thread but I caught you here.

                            Can't offer much advice on the wine I'm afraid.

                            But keep coming back and posting your thoughts.

                            J x
                            :l
                            It could be worse, I could be filing.
                            AF since 7/7/2009

                            Comment

                              #74
                              Getting started~

                              JC- Have you been AF since 7-09 ? That's impressive!

                              http://www.healthrecovery.com/HRC_20...ring.html(link I want to go back to)

                              I have been having a different feeling about alcohol. It's feels less abusive than prior to Jan 31st. I do want to drink much less still, I am just not beating myself up as much. I am calmer, don't feel out of control etc... however; there are other aspects of my life that are leveling off and that could have a profound influence on feeling more stable so, I can't be sure. I would love to think that as time goes on I will just become less involved with alcohol, possibly just because my life gets busier, in good ways.
                              Have to find the MWO book! Or print it out again.

                              Comment

                                #75
                                Getting started~

                                yep, nearly 11 months and quietly pleased.

                                It's amazing what how productive I can be once I gave away the thought of ever drinking again.

                                It's taken years to get here, but I did it in the end.
                                It could be worse, I could be filing.
                                AF since 7/7/2009

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