I nearly killed my baby...

[Hippy Chick]

I nearly killed my baby...

Oh Katie. Its time you had some peace and happiness in your life. Good on you for putting in this effort to make your world a better place for you and your darling boy. You should be proud of yourself for turning your life around and saying "NO MORE".
Take care Katie.
:l Hippy

[runningwind]

I nearly killed my baby...

KatieB, no one deserves to be treated like that, now I understand. Thank-you for trusting all of us enough to post your story! Sending love and happiness your way..........
runningwind :l:l:l

[rubywillow]

I nearly killed my baby...

Katie, I'm sorry I have not taken a lot of time here lately, as I'm busy with my life, because, as a mother, your story breaks my heart (again). I've felt such guilt over the things I've done or missed in my children's lives, then I read this, and the comparisons are light years apart. My family is actually pretty damn good, and now I see it, and they don't, so I've determined I cannot live in guilt over them based on your horror. These are 2 separate things.Your story has given me a gift, that I deal with them, and I help you. YOU have changed my life! Thank you.
Katie, your past put you where you are today. But you came here for help, and you deserve it. No one ever told you how to live rightly, or told you that you are worthy. No one ever gave you what you deserved as a child, and your were treated obscenely, because you were helpless. You are not helpless now. Your are not responsible for your treatment. You are a victim. Now, as an adult, you have the opportunity to shape yourself, make yourself stronger, become the person your experiences can't challenge. It's having a new start. You cannot change the past, only the future. If you can become yourself, and put the past you had no control over, behind you, you have a blank slate to start on. We begin only with your problem with drinking. Trust me, those who abuse/neglected you will have their own reckoning. Put it behind you, and focus on YOU. I too grieve for that little girl, but like a death, we go on. We cannot live in the past. Let me help you focus on you, and now. PM me, contact me in any way, and I will be here for you as much as I can, and you can begin to learn trust, and confidence, and forgiveness. Please, take care of yourself, and know you are cared about.

[KatieB]

I nearly killed my baby...

Thank you HC, RW and Ruby,
I am much much stronger than I was.. in-depth counselling has helped me so much.. that and my little boy, and leaving my abusive husband.. I still have a way to go but I am half-way there.. at least I dont self-harm anymore, and no longer suffer with depression.. my main issues now are anxiety (mainly social), and low self-esteem.. i tend to isolate myself to avoid people as i am so afraid ppl will reject me and i feel with my low self-esteem i cannot handle that.. but with the help of my counsellor i am dealing with these issues as i want a better life for myself.. and i dont want to pass on my issues to my son - i dont want him being afraid of the world or people!
thanks again,
Katie xxx

[KateH1]

I nearly killed my baby...

Katie, I think that you sound very brave. You have left an abusive husband. You have sought counseling and you have come here and boldly faced your issues with alcohol. Those are all very brave and very bold acts! Congratulations! It sounds like you are well on your way to creating a new and much better life for you and your son!
Thank you for sharing and I look forward to getting to know you better!

Best Wishes,
XXX Kate

[KatieB]

I nearly killed my baby...

Thank You Kate!!
The counselling is going well.. and I am doing well, despite stuffing up last sat.. I have still come a long way, and I love myself more now.. I am reaching out, and have been making new friendships.. and my relationship with my son is great.. we have a lot of fun together.. he means the world to me.. he has given me a reason to want to improve.. though I know we have to change for ouselves too..
thanks again,
Katie xx