here`s my story

[BUNNY]

might as well tell it when i`m drunk cause i won`t tell it when i`m sober. Had an alcoholic father who is now diagnosed with alzheimer``s . Was phycisaly abused as a child from a good family friend. When i finally told my mother about what had happened with Mr. so and so,she basicaly told me to keep quiet because if daddy ever found out he might do something terrible and would end up in jail. so i kept quiet. i had to keep seing this man because of family gatherings and had to pretend.... He is now dead and i never got the chance to confront him. All my mother ever did in her life was to protect my father... she was handicapped and felt grateful to him for accepting her the way she way, but what about her little girl? she once sent me with him on an outing because he couldn`t go alone, he had heart problems... how could you send an eight year old girl alone with someone who is not her father.... i`m sorry, i`m drunk and i`m hurting.. don`t know if i`ll be able to post again..

[Funny Girl]

here`s my story

Oh Bunny - that's an awful story, but you do realize that you are not alone. Have you ever looked into a support group about this where you could share your issues with others who've also experienced something similar?

[jessie]

here`s my story

:welcomeear Bunny, writing and sharing your story can be healing...I'm so sorry to hear that, can you see a counselor who can help you work through the pain? Your life is so valuable - make the most of it.:l

[Gold]

here`s my story

Dear Bunny,

How sad for that little girl that you were, you must have felt so alone and helpless.

Your life is valuable as jessie says, you can heal that little child, you are her parent now and it is clear that you would have acted differently on her behalf.

Someone to be your guide through the healing process is needed, a sensitive counsellor could help you with this.

It sounds as though your mother felt helpless in all areas of her life due to her disability, you don't have to be helpless any more. Please keep posting.

[BUNNY]

here`s my story

Thank you FG and Jessie for your kind words, i actually can`t believe i posted this.. Well what`s done is done and i think i feel good about getting this off my chest. I have thought about seeing a therapist regarding this but to be honest i`m terrified, i have very few memories of my childhood and i think this is probably the reason why. I think i have unconsciously blocked off a lot because i just don`t want to remember and i don`t know if i`m capable of facing the reality of just what might come out in therapy. I don`t know, maybe the s%?t that`s laying at the bottom of the barrel just needs to stay there?

[BUNNY]

here`s my story

Yes Gold, my mother did feel helpless, i never blamed her for the way she handled things, i love her too much for that, back then people with disabilities were ridiculed and looked at with disgust and she`s never forgotten that, not even to this day.. I know she blamed herself for not seeing what was going on, even when my grandmother warned her about ``him``, she still didn`t see it. I guess it was the cover it up part that i`ve had a hard time with, if it was my little girl, God help him.....

[mario]

here`s my story

Bunny you know have to realise that closing your eyes and wishing it would go away doesn't work, instead you need to work at this and look for and accept all the help that is available. There are lots of people who can help & support you here,but i think you also need to get one to one professional help,it will work out,keep posting.

[dexterhead]

here`s my story

Hi bunny, I am so sorry for your pain. I agree with others that you do need to get some counseling. Honestly, don't feel that a counselor will try to dredge up every bad memory. Most of them will focus on how to help you cope in the present and move forward.