Addict

[vistamar]

I am a newcomer to this site, or as I have discovered am called a "newbee".
My story is a long one but I will try to be concise.
My father, who I adored and worshipped, abused me as a young girl.
I thought this was normal family behaviour, so I told nobody about what he did to me.
He warned me that if I told anyone that he would hurt my sister and my mother who I adored.
I stayed in our family home cos I was so scared that he would kill my mam.
I so wanted to leave but I was afraid for my beautiful mam's safety, and that of my younger sister.
I met a man who, at the time, seemed to love me but, after marrying him, I found he had a darker, devious side to him. As the years went by, I realised he did not, indeed, love me. Rather, he despised me and, once again, I was abused, physically and mentally
Writing this is hurtin me so bad.
x Vistamar

[BPleasant]

Addict

The Origins of Trauma : Trauma and Addiction

[akgirl]

Addict

At a loss for words as to what, if any advice to give. But wanted to say hello and welcome. You have found a good place.

Sending you support
:l
Ak

[mama bear]

Addict

we are here for you vista.....I can hear your pain sweetie

[runningwind]

Addict

vistamar;824258 wrote: I am a newcomer to this site, or as I have discovered am called a "newbee".
My story is a long one but I will try to be concise.
My father, who I adored and worshipped, abused me as a young girl.
I thought this was normal family behaviour, so I told nobody about what he did to me.
He warned me that if I told anyone that he would hurt my sister and my mother who I adored.
I stayed in our family home cos I was so scared that he would kill my mam.
I so wanted to leave but I was afraid for my beautiful mam's safety, and that of my younger sister.
I met a man who, at the time, seemed to love me but, after marrying him, I found he had a darker, devious side to him. As the years went by, I realised he did not, indeed, love me. Rather, he despised me and, once again, I was abused, physically and mentally
Writing this is hurtin me so bad.
x Vistamar

Vistamar, have you been able to process any of these issues with a professional? It may lay down a good foundation,so that you can succeed to live a life AF.
runningwind

[rubywillow]

Addict

Vista, I can identify with some of what you have said. Start off with 'It's NOT my fault, I did nothing wrong.' This is the past. Hard to quit thinking of it, but it's time to work on the future, on YOUR life, not what someone else did to you. They have their own disease, it's NOT yours. The majority of women alcoholics were sexually abused in some way. Children are victims, but not adults. Now, it's time for you to live, and get the life you deserve.
Rubes

[sick of being sick]

Addict

Vista, I can relate to your story of pain and abuse. It is over now and you must move on and live the life you deserve...happy, free and sober. Drinking only makes you focus on your pain and your past. I have done it for so long, but now that I am living without alcohol or any other drug, I am experiencing true happiness and good health. Just take one day at a time and try not to look back or forward, only at today and your desire to quit drinking. You will feel so much better every day that you don't drink. We are all here to help you, encourage you and love you! Hope you have a good day! Here is my story:

I have been an insulin dependent diabetic for 44 years, in and out of hospitals (I've been in many comas where I should have died but didn't?) and I caused my family so much turmoil. I was always a big problem to my parents and my brother and sister because of the constant attention I required. Both my parents were alcoholics. My Mother was a constant, critical worrier, my father had a violent temper and my siblings were jealous of the attention I got. When I was about 7, I was sexually assaulted. Didn't know anything about sex but I kept the shame for many years. When I was 17, I got married and I started smoking pot frequently with him. He was extremely jealous and possessive and controlling. I had 2 children, but they didn't seem to fill that empty hole in me. I began seeing a therapist, got on a lot of medication and ended up attempting to commit suicide. After 10 years, I went through a terrible divorce fighting for custody of my children. Then I met my second husband who was a Christian and I started going to Church. We were extremely happy for the first year until someone introduced us to crack cocaine. After 3 years, 3 mos of rehab and a lot of financial and legal problems, we stopped by the grace of God and got back in Church. Ten years later we moved to the country where I have no family or friends and we started drinking more and more. We have been drinking over a fifth of vodka each for 5+ years every night until we pass out. I drink because I live in constant pain, it is a sleep aid and my husband is an alcoholic. I have been 5 days without alcohol and I am so thankful to have found this site where there are so many caring people to encourage me. It is truly a lifeline for me! For the first time in a long time, I feel hope about my future and look forward to being happy again.

[Guitarista]

Addict

Hi Vista. Nice to see you here and Welcome.
I hope you stick around, and you are not alone in your story.

(Hang in there Sick of being sick. You're doing great.)

[rubywillow]

Addict

If we were attacked by a mugger, or car jacked, or the victim of a home invasion, would we, as women feel guilt? As a child, we would probably feel fear, insecurity, but guilt?? No. That's what sexual offenders count on, making the victim feel guilty, responsible for the abuse, or afraid of retribution. From that point on, we (yes, I was abused) feel the guilty responsibility, and look for ways to ease the pain. Only as adults can we speak out, say NO!, protect the children in our life. I was hyper-vigliant of my children, and now my grandchildren. I found out as an adult the guilt I felt, the threats 'not to tell my Daddy', were not because of how he would feel about me, but because the offender was terrified of what he would do to them. For you who were abused by your fathers, the pain is multiplied infinitely, since he was the one who was supposed to protect you. Again, it is THEIR sickness, not yours. You have NO GUILT. There are good men out there, who can't believe another man, maybe their friend, could do this to a child! An adult who abuses a woman in his life, as my Daddy said, is not a man, but an animal, who preys on those weaker than him. But still, it is so often the case that the woman takes the blame, for not being good enough in so many ways. We have to re-train our minds to the truth - we ARE worthy of happiness, love, and control of our bodies. It takes a lot of work, as does sobriety, but it CAN be done. I am PASSIONATE about this. For men who read this, as well as women, you must be sober to protect the females in your life. It is the historic role you were given, and is a sacred one. If you are an abuser, you need to go somewhere else for help. I will not give you a second thought, nor offer you any help here. This is a site to learn sobriety and empowerment.