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**Funny Girl** · March 20, 2010, 08:48 PM

Question for Abstainers

Hi Cam - I am taking the Topamax and have chosen to abstain. When I started coming out here I wasn't clear on what I would do. I originally intended to moderate. I began taking supplements & begain cutting back on my drinking. when I began the topamax I quit drinking altogether. I have been alcohol free for a full 27 days now and never thought it was possible. I never even set a goal at the beginning since I'd really made no commitment as to what my course of action would be, but overall I feel very good. Physically I know I feel healthier, although when the desire for a drink comes along, it is sometimes hard to remember that you feel so much better than you did when you were drinking (the evil voice in your head that wants a drink can be very convincing. . . . ;-)

Anyway, I'm following the dosing instructions in the book and have actually slowed it down a bit. I have suffered almost no side effects myself. I did have a little muscle weakness which is why I've stayed at 75 mg and am going to stay there to make sure it subsides. If the drug is working at that level, I may not go to a higher dose if it's not necessary. That's an individual thing you'd have to determine or decide with a doctor's help.

The kudzu helped a lot when I began taking the supplements before the drug. Coming out here helped tremendously too. I've found a lot of support here.

My understanding from others is that drinking while taking topamax makes the alcohol hit you very hard. I have no idea since I have not been drinking, but I know that others have commented on it. It does take away your desire to drink, so in my mind, I wouldn't waste that by forcing a drink when you don't want one. Just my opinion. . . . .

Feel free to PM me if you want.

**gyco** · March 21, 2010, 05:51 AM

Question for Abstainers

hi cam,congats on just trying,that is a goall in itself,no matter which way you giv a go.there wil be many bumps,people are depressed from drinking to much,stopping aggresively,not being able to stop,ajusting without the sedation of Al,i think over the years ive been on this journey called life,new tools,just talking and knowing your not alone,will help,in its own way gyco wishing u well

**mama bear** · March 21, 2010, 08:57 AM

Question for Abstainers

Hi Cam...
Like Funny Girl, I am on Topa....only up to 50 mg....and she is right that drinking on it really packs a wallop!! In fact, i had not really committted to being AF in my head...but i think i need to cause moderation is working, but i am not sure what the point is. Take powerful brain altering expensive meds just so i can drink and then look and sound like an idiot while i do it?? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm
My consumption is way down, which is good, but i have a general fatigue and brain fog right now from the meds(which they say will pass) so i might as well feel good otherwise
Sorry for the long post.....i think i am venting right now!!!
Good luck what ever you decide to do!

**CAM2575** · March 21, 2010, 09:05 AM

Question for Abstainers

Thanks for the posts guys. I really appreciate your insights.
I did some more digging through posts last night and came across a post from Roberta Jewell. She is now AF.
First and foremost, I am extremely happy for her, but the thoughts running through my head right now are:
-She drank just like me. She has a child with a disability just like me, she was basically JUST LIKE ME, if she can't moderate, CAN I?
-Why did she choose to abstain? Was it because she could not moderate, or was it just a natural progression?
-What if I fail? I DO NOT WANT to end up in AA telling everyone what a jerk I am and how "powerless" I am against alcohol.
Basically, I wish I could talk to her. Her book and program was like a dream come true to me, and now I feel a little disillusioned. Not that there is anything wrong with being AF. It is the best way to be, I was just so excited that moderation was a possibility!!!
Roberta, or anyone else that knows, if you are out there, please explain!!!

**mama bear** · March 21, 2010, 09:15 AM

Question for Abstainers

CAM...where did you find that post? I had heard she went AF but have not read the post. Don;t feel disillusioned.....it is just a choice....that's all. doesn;t mean you can moderate...alot of people here do

**CAM2575** · March 21, 2010, 12:54 PM

Question for Abstainers

Thank you for your comments MamaBear. I appreciate your support!

However, I find myself in a bad mood over this. I hate to say this. But I feel had.
I have had 3 glasses of wine in 2 weeks and 4 coffees with Baileys in it over the same period of time.
I know there are people here who have done it, but none drank as heavily as I did.....except for Roberta. The ones that did drink heavily are AF.
I am mad right now, so please bear with me.
AAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Funny Girl** · March 21, 2010, 02:03 PM

Question for Abstainers

Cam - I don't think it would be unusual to feel the way you did. When I first read the book, I was initially filled with hope about being able to possibly moderate (even though with much introspection, I'm not sure that I'll ever really be able to do that long term in my life given my previous patterns). I never heard that she went completely AF. I, like Mama Bear, would love to read about that. I never knew she went AF. It doesn't really surprise me though - everything I"ve ever been taught over the years about problem drinking in general is that alcohol abuse is progressive (whether you care to put a 'label' on it or not). You begin to develop a tolerance for it, and generally drink more of it over time. Even though we all have different patterns of drinking (some daily, some bingeing, etc.) - many of us begin to feel like we're 'losing control' of it. That is usually where problems begin & we have trouble reigning it in. I wonder if she tried to moderate multiple times before going completely AF or what . . . .hmmmm . . . . .

If you know more or could share the post, please let us know. Thanks.

**Guitarista** · March 21, 2010, 02:42 PM

Question for Abstainers

Hi Cam,
Most of us problem drinker's, including Roberta, have found moderation to be very difficult, dangerous, and a waste of time in the end, if our thinking doesn't shift dramatically. Ive been down the moderation/cutting back road many times, and for me, soon enough i'm back to abusing myself with alcohol, and the dangerous thing about this is, will we return? So, for me, abstinence is the way, and it's magic in more way's than i could ever have imagined. Dramatic reduction in depression, anxiety, and NO negatives.
However, check out the Moderation thread here, which you might find helpful, as there are many folk's on this path too.

Best wishes on your journey.

**fennel** · March 21, 2010, 05:22 PM

Question for Abstainers

Guitarista;825858 wrote: Hi Cam,
Ive been down the moderation/cutting back road many times, and for me, soon enough i'm back to abusing myself with alcohol, and the dangerous thing about this is, will we return?

Same here. Moderation sounds so great, but I can never keep with it. I gradually slip back into daily drinking.

**CAM2575** · March 21, 2010, 05:54 PM

Question for Abstainers

Moderation should not be dangerous right? Thats what "normal" people, who do not have this defective gene do right? So my question is; and I say this purely out of my my own confusion,
Should Roberta not write an addendum to her first MWO book? Should she not be truthful about her experience with moderation? If in fact she was unable to do it, she should be obligated to let all of the women, mothers, wives, sisters and daughters who are out there identifying with her and counting on her program to save them from their downward spirals know that she herself was unable to see this program through to success???
How can she continue to "sell" the program when her own experience is that is does not work? Please understand, I am not trying to be nasty, I am trying to UNDERSTAND. I want to be successful. I am so upset right now. I felt so proud of myself earlier this week and now I feel like a failure. I failed and did not even realize it!!
I can't remember where exactly I read her post, but there were also comments on something Dr. Phil had said on that thread.
I imagine one of the senior members will know where it is located.

**Funny Girl** · March 21, 2010, 06:47 PM

Question for Abstainers

You shouldn't feel like a failure, but I do think that there is a responsibility to acknowledge that there may be a danger to some types of physically addicted and possibly already 'ill' alcoholics that moderation or even encouragement of moderation may be a dangerous proposition for some.

For those who've only had mild issues with drinking (whatever your own definition of that may be), it may very well be possible to moderate - so who knows, you may still be able to achieve that. From what I gather from people here & in looking at the moderation threads here, some seem to be able to achieve that & be ok. For others it seems to be more of a struggle & a constant battle. It all depends on your individual patterns & history I think. "Failure" is such a harsh word . . . .you've only just begun to ask all these questions.

**CAM2575** · March 21, 2010, 07:10 PM

Question for Abstainers

Thanks Funnygirl, I think she did acknowledge it somewhat in her book, but she needs to come out and say "THIS DID NOT WORK FOR ME" on her website (if that is indeed the case). I literally bought into her program because she was just like me. Her level of drinking, her lifestyle, her family life...everything!
I know that ultimately we are diffferent people, and I have to deal with this on my own, and I plan to do just that.
I find comfort in people like you, and mama bear and all of the others who have posted in this forum. I am still thinking about moderating, but now I am also considering a life without AL. That makes me sad. I DID NOT WANT to do that! I just want to be the regular girl I once was!!! The girl who could not stand the taste of booze and use to pretend to get more while nursing the same beer all night! Roberta made me feel like I could be that girl again....I NEED to be that girl again....

**Funny Girl** · March 21, 2010, 07:15 PM

Question for Abstainers

Well, none of us starts out wanting a life without AL . . . .I'd like to be the old me again too . . . .

**JackieClaire** · March 21, 2010, 07:36 PM

Question for Abstainers

Hi Cam,
I'm another one who read the book but didn't take the prescription meds recommended.
I'd already thrown enough meds and alcohol down my throat to last me a life time.

Have you tried the 30 day abstinence that is recommended before starting you mod plan?

At the end of the day RJ has made her choices and is doing what is right for her.

I wish you well on your journey.

J x
:l

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