takin' it on

[BurrCO]

I've posted a few times on the forums but never really posted here about who I am.

I'm a college student at the University of Colorado. I'm young, and some people wonder how bad it could really be at my age, especially since I didn't start until about 4 years ago. Let me tell ya, it escalated WAY too fast. My father and both of my grandfathers are/were alcoholics so I was kinda screwed. Before I new it I was drinking all day every day and making it usually 750ml of hard stuff, and sometimes more.

I've been in the hospital a few times for various things related to my problem. I would steal alcohol from my parents or friends when I didn't have money or I just ran out and wanted more. I've crashed my car twice, but luckily I was never arrested and never hurt anything but a few things with my car. I would take a bottle or several beers with me when I would go to school or work and drink on the way, before I went in, on breaks, and on the way back (if I had any left). I'll drink in the morning, afternoon, night, and by myself, with friends, with strangers, or however it would come.

There's definitely worse stories out there but it sucks that this is happening at this point in my life. I'm right on the verge of being kicked out of school because of my grades, I can't find a job that doesn't require me to ask "do you want fries with that" or clean up puke (so I don't have one since I just can't see myself going there) and if I don't start beating this soon I'm gonna end up hurting my body and mind bad. Right now I feel sick and have aches even though I haven't drank in about 4 days (I've been to the doctor and it's not life threatening).

I know if I can beat this now while I'm still healthy enough and young that I can be fine but it's so hard. Right now I feel like pouring a drink and going to town on a bottle but thankfully I took my Antabuse the last couple days.This has been long but writing like this is making me feel good. I usually just keep to myself and lie to everyone about my problems then they just pile up and get worse. Thanks for reading if you did. Helped a lot!

[AMELIA]

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Hey BurrCo, welcome!
You are right that it "sucks that this is happening to your at this point in your life".
But, it could be a blessing in disguise....You realise you have a big problem with alcohol. It is in your family history and your are following right in the footsteps of your father and grandfathers.

You are young. You have many, many good decades in front of you. Sort this out now, while it is a relatively new 'habit' and you will put yourself in good stead to live a rewarding and fulfilling life.
I have just turned 40 and knew I had a problem with booze from the age of 20.
I just wish I had woken up and done something about it sooner.
I feel like I have 'wasted' 20 years in a way. Don't do that to yourself. Your life and experiences are worth so much more than to be blotted out by booze.
Please get some help. To begin with try taking some amino acids (L-Glut, Tyrosine and Gaba). They really do help with Carb cravings (sugar = alcohol). Keep taking your Antabuse and look for support where ever you can find it. Surely there are counsellors at your school/university. Make the most of them. Plus they will probably be able to 'buy you some time' with your grades.

Deal with this now. Nip it in the bud, before it consumes you. Live your life, don't dive into the escapism that the bottle offers. Booze is no friend.

Best wishes and keep on coming to the site BurrCo!

[mama bear]

takin' it on

Have you talked to your family and asked for their help? I know if my precious son came to me I would move heavne and earth to help him. My thoughts are with you sweetie.

[rubywillow]

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Burr, I have children and g'children your age. I pray for them daily, because the world you've inherited is harder on the mind and soul than ours, which was harder on the body. I'm SO proud of you for coming here now; you have a lifetime in front of you. What do you want for your life? AL won't provide any of it. I've always told my children, if you find work in your life you love, you'll never work a day in your life. I believe it. But I know there are challenges. I have 7 grandchildren who are beginning to enter the workplace, and their challenges are so different. If there is anything I can do to help, encourage you, PM me please. We NEED all the healthy, sober, young people out there we can help, because you will inherit this world.
Hugs to you, B.
Ruby

[Doggygirl]

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Burr, honesty with yourself and others (selecting your audience wisely, of course) is IMO an important key to getting free from this. Most of us felt very alone with our alcohol problems at some point. I know I did.

We all have to figure out a sobriety plan that works for us. Have you downloaded and read the My Way Out book? You might find some helpful ideas in there. I know it's not for everyone, and I used to be ADAMANT that it wasn't for me. But I've been going to AA for the last year+ and I really enjoy the face to face connection and friendships I've developed "in real life" with other sober people. I'm betting there are AA student groups on or near most campuses. I KNOW you are not alone!

Keep reading and keep posting. And most of all, keep choosing not to drink, even if you have to fight it one moment at a time. It's really hard at first but with a solid plan that you work each and every day, it will get easier with time.

Reclaim your life!!!! You will be amazed.

DG

[BurrCO]

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Thanks for the kind thoughts. I'm know I'm not alone, that's for sure. In fact I wish one of my friends would join me because while he isn't quite the drinker I am it is still pretty bad. As for going to my family, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my mom. She didn't neccesarily do the work but she is the one that pushed me to get help. I still feel awkward about the subject with her though. I just never really expressed deep feelings and never really had problems like this when I was growing up, so I just don't feel comfortable dealing with it. I'm seeing someone about my problem and every session we talk quite a bit about hockey and very little about the actual problem, mainly because i just don't feel comfortable with it. Maybe after I have more time under my belt I will open up to the people around me more. Only time will tell.

[madeline]

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You are much smarter than I was at 20

BurrCO,

I started to think I had a problem around 20, but I did nothing about it. I will be 28 in September and I kick myself on an almost daily basis for wasting my 20's on booze.

It sounds like you're in a pretty rough patch. But don't be foolish thinking that you can turn things around while still drinking. It might get better at times, but it will always get worse. The disease escalates, that's just a fact.

Best of luck to you.

Maddy

[Doggygirl]

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Madeline, good for you tackling your alcohol problem at 28 rather than 38 or (like me) 48.

BurrCo, coming here and being honest with others who share this problem is such a great start. It's great that you accepted a "nudge" from Mom to get some help. I don't think it's unusual that you don't necessarily feel comfortable being brutally honest with your Mom. I can only share this with my own parents to a point. They are not alcoholics like I am, and they are "my parents" - not people I view as my peers as I do my fellow travelers here and at AA. MWOers and AAers are the people I am completely honest with.

Your friend may not be ready to be a fellow traveler on the path to sobriety yet. That's OK - we all have to decide for ourselves that we have a problem, and what we are willing to do about it. There are plenty of people here and I'm sure very near you that have already decided to stop drinking. Find them, and start your own journey. Heavy drinking comes with lots of regrets for most of us. Sobriety on the other hand - I have never had a single regret staying sober for the events in my life.

DG

[mama bear]

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We are here for you baby...u just got a lot of new parents...like it or not!!!!

[mollyka]

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BurrCo, like others here I also 'knew' I had a problem with drink from my teens but alway asserted that if it became a real problem I would just give up - that took me 30 years............what a godawful waste. You know you have a problem and now you are starting to deal with it. Drinking seems very important when you are young cos nearly everyone is experimenting with it and enjoying being legally 'allowed' drink etc. but very soon you will notice a lot of your friends moving on, getting jobs, boyfriends, girlfriends, hobbies etc and (if you are like I was) you're still there....drinking and getting more and more dependant by the day. Nip it now BurrCo - you know its not going to get better. Stop and reclaim your life, oh and by the way just reading back on your post you're saying you're not comfortable talking about it - the longer I am here on this site the more normal it becomes to me to 'own up' to my alcoholism, its not a dirty thing, its just what it is - an ailment? an illness? Doesn't matter, just needs to be dealt with. It is hard at your age to have to deal with this - its hard at any age - but especially so young but as my husband says 'life's a bitch'!!
Heaps of support here - just cos we're mostly older doesn't mean we don't understand - I have two sons and a daughter in their 20's and I would sell my soul for them - keep coming here, it will help if you let it - I promise
Molly

[cpn1004]

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BurrCo,
Start now. Don't spend 40 years drinking like me. Save yourself the pain and suffering.
You can do it.