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Good evening to you all. This is my first post. I just discovered your site two days ago while soul searching and spring cleaning. I wanted to respond after reading the lady's post about her backslide. Let me tell you a little about me and why I'm here. I have drank all my life (now a middle-ager) off and on and to extreme when I knew I shouldn't. It took becomming a mother to become a truly sober, clear thinking adult. I actually stopped cold turkey when my son started little league sports and would continue in sports for the next ten years. I did not slip up, even once. I thought it to be divine intervention. However, I knew it was love. And the fact that I never wanted anyone to say that I had caused the harm of their child (I was driving kids to sports a lot) because I had even one glass of wine. It was the happiest time of my life and I would give anything to have just one of those days back, even the cold, snowy, December, miserable winter days when the parents aimed their cars' headlights to the field so the kids could continue the game/practice!!! Well, time passes, and my child moved out on his own -- a very productive, nice, kind, young man. I soon moved out of the large rental we shared to a smaller place I could buy. Empty nest. Well, the very day I moved to my new place and was no longer responsible for others, I began to drink wine again -- just like that. It's been about six years and I have quit off and on (I coined the phrase that I was a "binge quitter") even did the South Beach diet -- two weeks without -- no problem. Have had months at a time -- no problem. Then all of a sudden I found myself drinking from the time I got off work until I went to sleep (nice way to put it). I never thought I had a problem. I've never missed work, driven while I've drank, etc., etc. But I noticed I didn't look as nice as I once thought for someone my age and noticed I felt bad, a lot, after the night before (drinking). I have moderated my drinking off and on but again, it seemed to be catching up with me more and more. I never thought I would be at the place where I found myself polishing off a 1.5 litter bottle of wine on one weekend day. Work nights I was ok, only finishing half that much, sometimes only 1/3 of the bottle. Then on 4/6/10 I had some kind of shift in my thinking. Can't explain it - but I wanted more out of life and didn't want to end up like one of the people I have seen on those addiction shows. It literally mortified me that the person I was watching could be me some day. I don't know if moderation will work for me or if complete abstinence will be the answer. I only know it's been four days without any trace of alcohol and I've slept better and felt better. I am keeping myself busy cleaning house, cooking, bathing, sleeping, reading, etc. One thing I know and wish I could bottle was the strentgh to be a better person that being a mother gave me. I wonder if there are others in this community that also experience this "loss" and started heavy drinking. I wonder if there is a clue somewhere in there that would help all of us to control this substance taking over when once it was a pleasurable addition to life. Regards, CatsMeow
Good evening to you all. This is my first post. I just discovered your site two days ago while soul searching and spring cleaning. I wanted to respond after reading the lady's post about her backslide. Let me tell you a little about me and why I'm here. I have drank all my life (now a middle-ager) off and on and to extreme when I knew I shouldn't. It took becomming a mother to become a truly sober, clear thinking adult. I actually stopped cold turkey when my son started little league sports and would continue in sports for the next ten years. I did not slip up, even once. I thought it to be divine intervention. However, I knew it was love. And the fact that I never wanted anyone to say that I had caused the harm of their child (I was driving kids to sports a lot) because I had even one glass of wine. It was the happiest time of my life and I would give anything to have just one of those days back, even the cold, snowy, December, miserable winter days when the parents aimed their cars' headlights to the field so the kids could continue the game/practice!!! Well, time passes, and my child moved out on his own -- a very productive, nice, kind, young man. I soon moved out of the large rental we shared to a smaller place I could buy. Empty nest. Well, the very day I moved to my new place and was no longer responsible for others, I began to drink wine again -- just like that. It's been about six years and I have quit off and on (I coined the phrase that I was a "binge quitter") even did the South Beach diet -- two weeks without -- no problem. Have had months at a time -- no problem. Then all of a sudden I found myself drinking from the time I got off work until I went to sleep (nice way to put it). I never thought I had a problem. I've never missed work, driven while I've drank, etc., etc. But I noticed I didn't look as nice as I once thought for someone my age and noticed I felt bad, a lot, after the night before (drinking). I have moderated my drinking off and on but again, it seemed to be catching up with me more and more. I never thought I would be at the place where I found myself polishing off a 1.5 litter bottle of wine on one weekend day. Work nights I was ok, only finishing half that much, sometimes only 1/3 of the bottle. Then on 4/6/10 I had some kind of shift in my thinking. Can't explain it - but I wanted more out of life and didn't want to end up like one of the people I have seen on those addiction shows. It literally mortified me that the person I was watching could be me some day. I don't know if moderation will work for me or if complete abstinence will be the answer. I only know it's been four days without any trace of alcohol and I've slept better and felt better. I am keeping myself busy cleaning house, cooking, bathing, sleeping, reading, etc. One thing I know and wish I could bottle was the strentgh to be a better person that being a mother gave me. I wonder if there are others in this community that also experience this "loss" and started heavy drinking. I wonder if there is a clue somewhere in there that would help all of us to control this substance taking over when once it was a pleasurable addition to life. Regards, CatsMeow
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