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[Regretful]

I have been drinking since I was a teenager and am now 32. I tend to binge drink and dont know when to stop. Most times I drink I always end up making a fool of myself, becoming agressive and violent. I just got locked up last week for disorderly conduct in public and dont even remember how it happened and now have to go to court. I have hurt friends and family (this is why I dont have any friends anymore) but getting locked up made me realise alot worse can only happen if I keep on drinking, because the situations I end up in are becoming worse. I am already on anti depressants and I think I dont want to confront that issue, thats why I drink. And I know its only going to make things worse but for some reason I end up not caring. Anyway the other thing that really wants me to stop drinking is for my kids and husband. I need to appreciate how lucky I am, but its hard when I get depressed and I want to drink and I dont know how to socialise around people who are drinking. The longest I've gone with out a drink is 2 months. HELP

[Guitarista]

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Hi Regretful,
Great to see you at least talking about this stuff. Well, you know deep down what you need to do, but where to start, how to do this? If you have really had enough, then you need to get a plan for yourself. Otherwise, it look's like prison time will force your hand, but you and your family don't need that. Small step's firstly. Read everything you can here. Lot's of stories similar to your's, and you'll realise you are NOT alone.
The 'Toolbox' thread in monthly abstinence section is a great read and a good first stop, and the 'Newbies nest' is a very supportive thread too.
Alcohol free living is just magic, and it can be done, even though i know you cannot see that right now. Either could i when i was drinking. Get a realistic, do-able plan. Can you speak to your doctor too, and get support there? Try everthing and anything to get yourself right. You could lose your husband, and important memories with your family.
What's important to you, booze, or family? Try 30 day's af (alcohol free), there are a few threads here you could join for support, or just try it. You've done 2 month's before, you can do it again. We must change our thinking from deprivation (missing the grog), to gratitude thinking (loving the freedom of NO chain's).
There are NO negatives in being sober. Your choice friend, and you do have a choice.

Best wishes on your journey.

[Regretful]

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I'm starting to realise how hard this is going to be. How am I going to enjoy myself without drink.
I know I have to take it day by day. Hopefully the more I write on here and read some books it will help. I've been to an AA meeting before but I'd rather this I think. Might go and see a doctor about it aswell, if I can't handle it. I'm feeling scared and confused. I can already see myself drinking again.

[KatieB]

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Hi Regretful,

I'm 32 also, and have a son who is almost 2.. I have ended up in trouble with the police also due to my drinking.. the last time now though was almost a year ago.. you can do this.. we are here for you. You do need to this for yourself first and foremost! You need to come out of denial (though you are admitting you have a problem by coming on here which is a great step) - and look at how AL is ruining your life - no good can come from AL - particularly, if like most of us on here, you don't know when to stop or AL just affects you in a bad way.. I know most times I drink it affects me badly.. I dont know when to stop and I don't know what can happen if I do drink (well, I do, my past history reflects that!).. This court case is a real wake-up call for you; you have been given the chance to make a fresh start.. I doubt you will be punished severely as it sounds a minor offence.. but now is the time you can really stand up to AL and tell it that you are not going to let it ruin your life anymore!
Coming on here will really help you - I have been coming here for 2 months now.. and am trying to abstain.. I have slipped up a couple of times, but I have not been out of control drunk like I used to be..
Take care and I wish you all the best on your journey,
Katie xx

[Regretful]

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thanks

thanks for your kind words, but now its up to me. I'm just going to take it one day at a time. I'm already starting to feel a bit better coz I never drank this weekend and spent it with my kids. And I'm not sleeping allday while they do nothing with me on the weekends. I feel so guilty, but hopefully things will slowly turn around. I cant wait till the day I can just be myself around others without drinking. My drinking gives me confidence.

[Dippy D]

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Something bad always seems to happen out of my drinking before i want to do something about it . I'm scared to have a drink and scared not to. If only
there was a quick fast cure

[daybyday]

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Regretful, good job getting throught the weekend AF and enjoying your children. There are many ways to enjoy ourselves without drink, we just need to get our heads clear enough minute by minute to work this question out. Keep writing on MWO, it really seems to help. We are all here for you.

[KatieB]

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hi Regretful,

I can totally identify with a lot of what you have wrote.. but coming here as helped me heaps.. please read and post often, let us get to know you and help you anyway we can with this.. drinking to blot out issues is a common theme here.. but as you know, it makes everything worse and leads to more problems.. are you seeing a counsellor? i really advise you to do that if not, as my counsellor has helped me so much..
I am also pleased that you spent last weekend AF - that's fantastic.. please dont feel guilty - remember that AL is addictive, so many people have fallen to this addiction.. you are not alone. feeling guilty does not make any difference, its a wasted pointless emotion.. just concentrate on today, one day at a time, being AL free.. feel free to PM me if you wish.. i feel a lot of similarites with you, I also drink to give me confidence, but it leads to terrible things.. as you know, and I know... this place has been a lifesaver!
Katie x