I've been drinking for 41 years, since I was 15. Had blackouts, puked, driven drunk and got caught once, made fake friends, had noncommittal sex, lost friends, family fights... the whole drama fueled life. Six years ago I let a partying guy into my life, because the parties are sooo much fun. He worked on lowering my self esteem thru his own selfishness, I eventually after all these years succumbed to the martini at lunch (we worked together and I needed to get mellow while he was making me jealous thru his behavior) to the screwdriver in the morning, 'innocent' Irish coffees on weekends, or bloody mary's - it's the weekend!.
I finally quit the job after eight years there to escape being around him, but continued the drink. Got another job, kept the habits, missed too much work, got let go.
Depression, knowing I screwed up, daughter and grandkids had come to live with me a couple months because kids father got caught leading a dual life. Being laid off I could drink all day and sleep whenever I felt like it. I realize that during unemployment and when I'd started the all day thing it's been almost two years of serious abuse, no longer the three glasses of wine every night. My doc told me last year my liver numbers are elevated. That was a first.
Last summer I join a gym and quit drinking for 5 weeks. I was going to stop til my birthday. I was seeking acupuncture almost weekly to fight my addiction and anger. I felt so healthy and was eating right, my numbers were good but the doc still cautioned me to quit. I didn't make it to my birthday. Then I let that guy back in, then it was the holidays... In March I finally quit drinking for two weeks while he was playing games. It was good because my 87 year old mother needed help and I was able to provide it. Got her settled for a couple weeks, came home and drank for two weeks.
I have to get healthy, find a job, follow up on mom's residence if isn't able to deal living on her own again. And I need to do that today. I need the strength to keep that man out of my life which I use as an excuse to drink. Drove half way to an NA meeting and decided to work on my car instead. I want to be able to hang with friends who drink and not have to join in.
I do see what I call fun is many times really awful behavior too. I know you guys know the urge. Wish I could be normal and enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, probably impossible at this point. Would like to sell the house and move away and start over, but I did that all my life. Had 40-50 addresses as a renter. The crap just follows. Wish me luck, as I do all of you.
I finally quit the job after eight years there to escape being around him, but continued the drink. Got another job, kept the habits, missed too much work, got let go.
Depression, knowing I screwed up, daughter and grandkids had come to live with me a couple months because kids father got caught leading a dual life. Being laid off I could drink all day and sleep whenever I felt like it. I realize that during unemployment and when I'd started the all day thing it's been almost two years of serious abuse, no longer the three glasses of wine every night. My doc told me last year my liver numbers are elevated. That was a first.
Last summer I join a gym and quit drinking for 5 weeks. I was going to stop til my birthday. I was seeking acupuncture almost weekly to fight my addiction and anger. I felt so healthy and was eating right, my numbers were good but the doc still cautioned me to quit. I didn't make it to my birthday. Then I let that guy back in, then it was the holidays... In March I finally quit drinking for two weeks while he was playing games. It was good because my 87 year old mother needed help and I was able to provide it. Got her settled for a couple weeks, came home and drank for two weeks.
I have to get healthy, find a job, follow up on mom's residence if isn't able to deal living on her own again. And I need to do that today. I need the strength to keep that man out of my life which I use as an excuse to drink. Drove half way to an NA meeting and decided to work on my car instead. I want to be able to hang with friends who drink and not have to join in.
I do see what I call fun is many times really awful behavior too. I know you guys know the urge. Wish I could be normal and enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, probably impossible at this point. Would like to sell the house and move away and start over, but I did that all my life. Had 40-50 addresses as a renter. The crap just follows. Wish me luck, as I do all of you.
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