Here goes...

[hazeleyes]

Here goes...

Hi Emcee
Thanks for your reply. I truly don't want to offend you but my heart tells me the therapy didn't work for you. Did you go alone for some sessions, or did you have to sit next to the man who hurt you and therefore not let out your real feelings. The need to get numb is a sign you are not happy in yourself.
Sure its a habit now and AL is an additive substance, but still I feel the road to recovery for you lies in getting out your feelings about this event and being able to move on at peace. Maybe this isn't the man for you.
The fact that you started this story by sharing that event tells me it is still with you, and maybe you still think you are not good enough, or he could do it again. Breaking your trust like he did is a big deal for most women, for men they see it a bit different I think.

I know this is not really my place to say but it feels like the truth to me.
I wish you well on your journey and encourage you to read the stories here as it has been a great help to me. If you try the supplements and other plan ideas listed here, and still nothing is working, take the time to look inside and see if the pain is still there and needs to be addressed.

Keep smiling
H

[Emcee]

Here goes...

Hoping for the best;845428 wrote: Emcee,
I think you need to realize that it needs to be all or nothing. I too wanted to just drink normally and tried to many times. Started taking baclofen and now I realize that no one needs any amount of alcohol.

I may end up there, but my journey started here because of the moderation idea. We shall see how it goes.

:thanks:
MC

[Emcee]

Here goes...

H - We went together for some and then each of us alone for some. Maybe I should not have said what happened w/my husband, but I was simply trying to explain how I used it as a crutch and continue to use it as an excuse. Of course I do not trust him the way I did before, how could I? However, It was not a long-term thing and I know it is over and he and I will get through this. I love him...even though he did what he did. But the images in my head of him and one of my closest friends being intimate haunt me daily...DAILY! So I numb it - yes to escape and yes because I feel like I am not worthy. He and I have been through A LOT together and we will get through this...but that does not mean I don't get triggers every so often that bring me back to that awful day when I found out. All the research I've done and books I've read of affairs tell me it is all normal (the triggers). So I stand up each day and be strong for me, for my children and for my marriage.

Here's the thing...I've joined a weekly bible study with some awesome women. We are learning how to let go of our "Strongholds" and learning how to love well. What I have come to realize is that I need to love ME! Right now I don't and have not for way longer than I've been married...I'm talking high school. I actually think this has helped me more than the $$$ therapist! :-)

Thanks so much for the advice H!

[hazeleyes]

Here goes...

Great, and thats it. I read your comments now with tears in my eyes because you nailed it. You spoke the truth, well done I'm so proud of you.

You are strong, you are wonderful, fantastic.
I send you my love across the ocean
You can beat this AL thing as well. It's just a trap you have fallen into, but there is a way out.

I have been drinking 3 bottles of wine a week for more than 2 years to numb the pain of my sad life. I tried to quit every week of those 2 years. I found this site 13 days ago and have been AL free since then. I'm working on addressing the problem that lead me to drink - the fact that I am 43 and will never have children. I am alone in the world except for my husband, no family and no friends. I know I need to rebuild my life without AL as a support.

I can do it and so can you.
Lets do it together with the wonderful people here.
H

[Emcee]

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Thank you SO much H. I'm sending my love your way too...I'm so proud that you have made it 13 days AL free - wow! That is very impressive. I feel alone A LOT too. I know I'm not, but feel it all the time. We are the same really...I have no friends (i do have local family which is nice though), I'm almost 41 and have lived in the same city for 20 years. How does someone live in the same place so long and not have friends? Jeesh...the insecurity sets back in.

But we CAN be strong for each other and for the other folks on this site, we are all here for a reason and that is to not let the demon of AL control our lives anymore.

Sending lots of hugs your way my friend. :l

MC

[mama bear]

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emcee...where in florida are you from? I am in Jacksonville....there are alot of FLA folks here

[Emcee]

Here goes...

I'm in Orlando. Hubby grew up in Atlantic Beach, FL - very close to where you are!