Starting a new life

[Kath33]

I think I am ready to start a new life where alcohol doesn't rule me. I only drink at night and now I am up to drinking a whole bottle of wine a night, sometimes more. Amazingly I have managed to have a career and to keep my marriage strong. I haven't driven drunk and I have never missed a day of work because of drinking, not yet. I do have huge guilt about my drinking and I know that one day I will get caught out. I feel like I am playing Russian Roullette. It is like I am leading a double life and one day they are going to collide. I am lucky to have married a wonderful man and have wonderful children with him but I have had some unhappy events in my adult life and have always had issues with anxiety. People at work and my friends would have no idea that I drink so much. The only person who has any idea is my husband. I know it upsets him but he never nags at me to stop. I want to change but each time I committ to change something happens and then all I want is a drink. I wake up each morning and feel so bad about my drinking that I promise to stop but by 11 am I am plotting ways to get a bottle of wine for that night. I am sorry to ramble on but it is good to finally to be honest about it. I am scared about how to do this but I don't want to be this person anymore.

[Rusty]

Starting a new life

Welcome Kath!

We are glad you are here! I can relate because our drinking patterns are similar. It's great that you have a wonderful husband and family. Like you, I have a wonderful career and family and felt that I came close to losing them. This is what has worked for me for the last 5 days....Naltrexone (Revia). It works incredibly well for cravings....I am nearly alcohol free after only 5 days. You can order it online here from River Pharmacy. Start with 1/2 table (25 mg) and take it with food an hour before you drink. It changes the way your brain perceives the pleasure of alcohol. You will find your alcohol consumption will be greatly diminished.

Post often....we have all been here and done that. MWO has been a lifesaver for me and it will be for you, too. Pop into the Newbies Nest for more support and PM if you'd like.

You deserve that new life, you really do!

Rusty

[mario]

Starting a new life

Welcome kath, you have come to a great community with lots of support & non judgemental advice,read as many posts/threads as you can,And as spam says there are lots of your fellow country people here,but also you can join in anywhere,we can all relate to what your going through,goodluck hope you give yourself a chance.;-)

[Kath33]

Starting a new life

Thank you so much. It is so helpful to here what you are saying. This is the first time in years I have felt that I have a choice to drink or not. I have to make the choice not to drink a hundred times a day but at least I am making that choice. I am scared and feel really 'wobbly' that I will give in but also proud that I have taken these first step. My husband is real proud of me and makes me cups ot tea-its the small things that help too!
I am so grateful to be here.
Kath

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Starting a new life

Kath33 lovely to have you here, welcome to a great place. You might consider downloading the book as it is a good place to start. Also in 'just starting out' there is a thread called 'newbies nest' which is recommended. Well done on taking this all important first step, the only way is up.
Keep safe
KTAB

[mama bear]

Starting a new life

Welcome Kathy....we could be twins with our alcohol issues.......

[Kath33]

Starting a new life

Thank you! It is so helpful to know that I am not the only one and that I am not a freak. I feel so free now that I have admitted to you the truth about my driniking because I wasn't being honest with myself. I was on a treadmill drinking every night and promising to stop the next morning. Today I bought a whole lot of crunchy fresh vegetables and drank heaps of tea and water. I feel much better tonight. It is Saturday night here and this is my usual night for drinking as much as I want but I haven't had a drop for four days. I found myself plotting to get a drink but I wasn't buying into that trick! The weekends are always going to be the hardest but at least now I have choices. I like that, Mama Bear, "I love my family more than alcohol"

[not tonight]

Starting a new life

Hi Kath33
All I can say to you is, "Wonder Twins Unite!" Our habits mirror one another. The only person in my orbit that is aware of my habit is the man who owns the corner shop. And last time I gave up for 14 days he assumed I had moved! Yikes!!! This site is really amazing! So much support and information. I have found 4 important elements to fending off cravings are good nutrition, three healthy meals a day (hunger makes you week), the daily supplements and loads of water. Welcome, welcome!

[Kath33]

Starting a new life

Thank you Not Tonight. I agree. It is much easier when I am not hungry or thirsty. I think that thirst makes it much worse to cope with not drinking.
I let my husband read this thread last night and I felt really exposed and vulnerable because now he knows the truth too. It does help this morning though because if I drink I have to look him in the eye first, knowing that I am letting myself and him down. This is so hard but you've got to feel proud too. It's amazing how we try and hide our drinking from everyone else apart from my husband (or the guy at the corner store) but in doing that I can also hide it from myself. Honesty is a bit ugly but at least it has a real future.
Good luck today.

[jessie]

Starting a new life

:welcome:Hi Kath33, I find that a plan works well. I write my plan down with an hour by hour schedule of things to do eg, walk the dog, do the dishes, watch TV. Also 3 meals with the last one at 6pm. ( I usually drank till about 8-9pm and then ate junk food.) It takes time to change for some of us, but I can feel myself beginning to change.

[Doggygirl]

Starting a new life

Hi Kath33 and :welcome:

I too could have written your post...well, when I was in my 30's. That was EXACTLY me (except I was between marriages). I was still high functioning and never missing work but inside myself knowing my drinking was a problem but not wanting to admit I'm alcoholic....and and and. You are SO wise to address this issue now. If you are anything like me, then it would only get worse (much worse) if left unattended. I am so grateful to have finally stopped the downhill slide and gotten free of AL's grip.

I started by reading the MWO book and following the supplements, exercise, diet, and hypnosis CD's. I agree with jessie about the importance of a detailed plan. The Toolbox thread has lots of great suggestions.

I wish you strength and hope on your journey. If I can get free, I know you can do it too.

DG

[LookingAhead]

Starting a new life

Thank you for your honest post Kath, I read it and it sounded just like me. I hide my drinking very well, I hold down 2 jobs. My son is the only person who really knows how much I drink and I want to quit drinking so I can be the mother he use to have. He loves me so much, it hurts me to think that he sees me drunk every night.

Knowing that I am not alone in this, that there are others out there like me, makes me feel more like I can do this.

Good luck Kath! Let's do this together!!

[Kath33]

Starting a new life

Thank you so much for your support. I am really thrilled at how much this site and you all help me. It is so true that being honest and then finding out you are not the only one is so empowering. I have not had a drink for almost a week now and I have not been drunk for 10 days. A friend came round for tea on Sunday with a bottle of wine for me and I didn't want to let him know that I was struggling with drinking so I had one glass. I repeat ONE glass!!! and I didn't want another one! Well I did, but not having it had so many more reasons than having it. I know I am too wobbly to have a drink again but I felt stronger being able to say no. I would have been so gutted to have woken up the next day knowing I let myself down. I still have some pretty hard times and find my mind convincing me that getting drunk once wouldn't be a bad thing, hey I deserve it don't I? The difference is now I can see the mind tricks and I know they are tricks and that I can wait until the urge passes.
I am really enjoying more time with my family. I am still here as much as I ever was but now I am not drunk I feel like I have more real time with them. I am surprised at how the little things are more exciting than anything, like being able to have time with my husband in the evening rather than going to bed and falling into a coma. Now there is only 2 of us in this marriage, not him, me and the bottle. Keep strong and remember what you have to gain from being sober.

[hazeleyes]

Starting a new life

Hi Kath
Thanks for your story and welcome. Your story is also similar to mine, and since finding this site I have been AF for over a month. When I get tempted or feel confused, or have stories in my head about drinking wine again, I come to this site and find the answers. The people here have saved me from 3 solid years of drinking, getting worse and worse. I owe them alot and I love to encourage others now, as they did me.

Stay strong
H

[Laura_O]

Starting a new life

Kath33;858525 wrote: Thank you Not Tonight. I agree. It is much easier when I am not hungry or thirsty. I think that thirst makes it much worse to cope with not drinking.
I let my husband read this thread last night and I felt really exposed and vulnerable because now he knows the truth too. It does help this morning though because if I drink I have to look him in the eye first, knowing that I am letting myself and him down. This is so hard but you've got to feel proud too. It's amazing how we try and hide our drinking from everyone else apart from my husband (or the guy at the corner store) but in doing that I can also hide it from myself. Honesty is a bit ugly but at least it has a real future.
Good luck today.

Kath, what a wonderful husband. Mine believes in "tough love" which does not make a person feel supported or positive at all. In fact, makes me feel like having a drink just to get back at him. But, not drinking isn't for him, it is for me because I like how I feel without alcohol a whole lot better than with it. I really like who I am sober and I want to be that person 24/7. Anyway, give the hubby a hug from me and tell him how wonderful he is.