This isnt the start or the end but a bit in the middle. I hope to fill in the missing early portions some day soon but it is very hard.
Did you ever feel like you were walking along a high cliffs edge? For a long time I didnt realise it was even there, I just drank every day, some days not too much but others dangerous amounts. I drank for years and years. One night about two years ago I was very drunk and I glimpsed that cliffs edge through my haze and realised it was a very dangerous place to be. I searched and found the MWO site, oh this looks like just what I need I thought and proceeded to sign up and read. I never will find out if I posted that night because by morning I had a vague recollection of having been here but no idea what my chosen username was never mind the password. Oh well not to worry I thought and went straight back to drinking as normal, well normal for me.
This brings me forward a year, the drinking was still a daily occurrence but had gotten heavier. After a week long drinking session something in my soggy brain vaguely remembered this site. I crawled back, a mess and I signed up again, this time for real. I didnt know what lay ahead for me but was blown away by, what I can only discribe as a wave of love from you guys, amazing. I sobered up and started clocking the AF days up for the first time in over 20 years. I aimed for 30 days thinking hey I can moderate then but realised as that milestone drew near that was a daft idea so I committed to another 30. The same thing happened when the 60 came close so on I went. The cliff was now far away for I was walking through the long grass in the meadow, the sun was shinning on my face and I was happy for the first time in years. I was learning about me and starting to finally accept me for who I was. I started to actually like the guy who stared back at me in the mirror every morning. My problems were still there but I was growing as a person and better able to face life, sober.
So 90 days came, great I did it, I accepted the congratulations from the very people who helped me get there. Now surely I can think about having an odd expensive beer or glass or two of fine wine for I have learned the lessons, I know the triggers and that is what I proceeded to do.
It didnt take long for me to realise it wasnt quite that simple. I saw that I would have to be careful and I was, for a while. Somehow over christmas I let my guard down and the frequency started to go up again. Sure its only a couple and its christmas sure, I told myself. That was nearly six months ago and I havent found the meadow again. Oh I have the directions clearly marked on the map. Granted I havent drank to blackout or fallen over or forgotten what I said or did but is this the best there is? I can clearly see that cliffs edge again and at times I am teetering close to that edge, the soil is loose there and I am aware that I can only walk along here for so long or eventually I will stumble into the abyss.
I choose the meadow.
Thank you for reading.
Did you ever feel like you were walking along a high cliffs edge? For a long time I didnt realise it was even there, I just drank every day, some days not too much but others dangerous amounts. I drank for years and years. One night about two years ago I was very drunk and I glimpsed that cliffs edge through my haze and realised it was a very dangerous place to be. I searched and found the MWO site, oh this looks like just what I need I thought and proceeded to sign up and read. I never will find out if I posted that night because by morning I had a vague recollection of having been here but no idea what my chosen username was never mind the password. Oh well not to worry I thought and went straight back to drinking as normal, well normal for me.
This brings me forward a year, the drinking was still a daily occurrence but had gotten heavier. After a week long drinking session something in my soggy brain vaguely remembered this site. I crawled back, a mess and I signed up again, this time for real. I didnt know what lay ahead for me but was blown away by, what I can only discribe as a wave of love from you guys, amazing. I sobered up and started clocking the AF days up for the first time in over 20 years. I aimed for 30 days thinking hey I can moderate then but realised as that milestone drew near that was a daft idea so I committed to another 30. The same thing happened when the 60 came close so on I went. The cliff was now far away for I was walking through the long grass in the meadow, the sun was shinning on my face and I was happy for the first time in years. I was learning about me and starting to finally accept me for who I was. I started to actually like the guy who stared back at me in the mirror every morning. My problems were still there but I was growing as a person and better able to face life, sober.
So 90 days came, great I did it, I accepted the congratulations from the very people who helped me get there. Now surely I can think about having an odd expensive beer or glass or two of fine wine for I have learned the lessons, I know the triggers and that is what I proceeded to do.
It didnt take long for me to realise it wasnt quite that simple. I saw that I would have to be careful and I was, for a while. Somehow over christmas I let my guard down and the frequency started to go up again. Sure its only a couple and its christmas sure, I told myself. That was nearly six months ago and I havent found the meadow again. Oh I have the directions clearly marked on the map. Granted I havent drank to blackout or fallen over or forgotten what I said or did but is this the best there is? I can clearly see that cliffs edge again and at times I am teetering close to that edge, the soil is loose there and I am aware that I can only walk along here for so long or eventually I will stumble into the abyss.
I choose the meadow.
Thank you for reading.
well said one2many 
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