A little bit of my story

[JackieClaire]

A little bit of my story

KT,
Nothing to add to the wise words already said.
You're a good man.
J x
:l

[Opal]

A little bit of my story

Thanks for thinking enough of us KT to share your story with us and thank you for your support and friendship around here.
Opal.

[johnnyh]

A little bit of my story

Hey Ktab,

Thank you very, very much for sharing. I know that cliff to well, and I've shared a similar journey in the past year and a half on MWO. Taken way from the cliff, and just when things seemd cool and under control I dropped my guard. And was close to the cliff again before I knew it.

Thank you for that. And am looking forward to hear how the story continues

[SKendall]

A little bit of my story

Thanks for just an honest post KTAB, as someone else said you have helped many here including myself. Head towards the meadow.:h

[betty boop]

A little bit of my story

[quote=one2many;866819]We are having a Free festival in the meadow, the sun is shining, the music sounds great, all our friends are here.

We can see the cliff edge from here...it is always visable, just there on the perimeter of our meadow...but we sit in a circle and we hold hands to make sure nobody wanders too close to the edge.

Looking towards the Cliff edge now (as us alkies occasionally do) we see a figure approaching, walking tall, straight and confident, as he draws nearer, we smile and make room....

Welcome Ktab xxx

Oney, your post gave me goosebumps ..........

KTAB, fabulous post, such honesty ........ keep coming here, lots of hands to hold ......... xxx

[OverIt2007]

A little bit of my story

Yes, Dear KTAB. I can completely relate. Once one of my friends said to me "you dont just go up to the edge of the cliff, you jump right over!"

Its true, I am learning I do not know the boundaries of the cliff. But with your help, others help, some honestly thrown in, I seek to happily walk in the meadows with you. We got some nice company in the meadows. :l

[Coco-Nut]

A little bit of my story

Hugs from your favorite penguin friend.

[wannachange]

A little bit of my story

Hey KTAB, I don't know how I missed this, very nice post and thanks for posting it, it helps to get it out hey? and no better place than here. You have been there for me on many an occasion and I will be there for you.
All the best, Wanna

[mama bear]

A little bit of my story

KTAB...you always have something sweet and siily to say and I have grown very fond of you...
I stand on the cliff holding hands with you my sweet Irish friend

[Ringing Cedars]

A little bit of my story

KT...I told you I read your story last night, but I didn't quite catch you were still struggling like many. And I WAS sober when I read it! Thanks again for sharing especially now that I get the full meaning. You have certainly been a lifeline for us in the pool, keeping things light and bouyant. I wish you all your goals! RC
ps Oney...great vision for us all!

[alicia in trouble]

A little bit of my story

KTAB;866661 wrote: This isnt the start or the end but a bit in the middle. I hope to fill in the missing early portions some day soon but it is very hard.

Did you ever feel like you were walking along a high cliffs edge? For a long time I didnt realise it was even there, I just drank every day, some days not too much but others dangerous amounts. I drank for years and years. One night about two years ago I was very drunk and I glimpsed that cliffs edge through my haze and realised it was a very dangerous place to be. I searched and found the MWO site, oh this looks like just what I need I thought and proceeded to sign up and read. I never will find out if I posted that night because by morning I had a vague recollection of having been here but no idea what my chosen username was never mind the password. Oh well not to worry I thought and went straight back to drinking as normal, well normal for me.
This brings me forward a year, the drinking was still a daily occurrence but had gotten heavier. After a week long drinking session something in my soggy brain vaguely remembered this site. I crawled back, a mess and I signed up again, this time for real. I didnt know what lay ahead for me but was blown away by, what I can only discribe as a wave of love from you guys, amazing. I sobered up and started clocking the AF days up for the first time in over 20 years. I aimed for 30 days thinking hey I can moderate then but realised as that milestone drew near that was a daft idea so I committed to another 30. The same thing happened when the 60 came close so on I went. The cliff was now far away for I was walking through the long grass in the meadow, the sun was shinning on my face and I was happy for the first time in years. I was learning about me and starting to finally accept me for who I was. I started to actually like the guy who stared back at me in the mirror every morning. My problems were still there but I was growing as a person and better able to face life, sober.
So 90 days came, great I did it, I accepted the congratulations from the very people who helped me get there. Now surely I can think about having an odd expensive beer or glass or two of fine wine for I have learned the lessons, I know the triggers and that is what I proceeded to do.
It didnt take long for me to realise it wasnt quite that simple. I saw that I would have to be careful and I was, for a while. Somehow over christmas I let my guard down and the frequency started to go up again. Sure its only a couple and its christmas sure, I told myself. That was nearly six months ago and I havent found the meadow again. Oh I have the directions clearly marked on the map. Granted I havent drank to blackout or fallen over or forgotten what I said or did but is this the best there is? I can clearly see that cliffs edge again and at times I am teetering close to that edge, the soil is loose there and I am aware that I can only walk along here for so long or eventually I will stumble into the abyss.
I choose the meadow.

Thank you for reading.

I havem't read the whole thread ktab, (no time this AM but I will later) but your OP brought tears to my eyes. I am a newbie on day 3 and I so want to see that meadow. I seem to remember it from long ago. Thank you so much for sharing such a heartfelt and beautifully written post. It really hit home with me and I know I will remember it in dark days to come.

[TakeHeart]

A little bit of my story

KTAB!

Sooo glad you didn't go over the cliff! I love your posts and you know how selfish us alkies can be LOL

I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but your avatar is so emotionally provocative. Something about it just hits me hard. Do you know the history behind the photo?

Hope you are running through the meadows again! Best of everything to you!

[gobs22]

A little bit of my story

Moderation

KTAB;866661 wrote: This isnt the start or the end but a bit in the middle. I hope to fill in the missing early portions some day soon but it is very hard.

Did you ever feel like you were walking along a high cliffs edge? For a long time I didnt realise it was even there, I just drank every day, some days not too much but others dangerous amounts. I drank for years and years. One night about two years ago I was very drunk and I glimpsed that cliffs edge through my haze and realised it was a very dangerous place to be. I searched and found the MWO site, oh this looks like just what I need I thought and proceeded to sign up and read. I never will find out if I posted that night because by morning I had a vague recollection of having been here but no idea what my chosen username was never mind the password. Oh well not to worry I thought and went straight back to drinking as normal, well normal for me.
This brings me forward a year, the drinking was still a daily occurrence but had gotten heavier. After a week long drinking session something in my soggy brain vaguely remembered this site. I crawled back, a mess and I signed up again, this time for real. I didnt know what lay ahead for me but was blown away by, what I can only discribe as a wave of love from you guys, amazing. I sobered up and started clocking the AF days up for the first time in over 20 years. I aimed for 30 days thinking hey I can moderate then but realised as that milestone drew near that was a daft idea so I committed to another 30. The same thing happened when the 60 came close so on I went. The cliff was now far away for I was walking through the long grass in the meadow, the sun was shinning on my face and I was happy for the first time in years. I was learning about me and starting to finally accept me for who I was. I started to actually like the guy who stared back at me in the mirror every morning. My problems were still there but I was growing as a person and better able to face life, sober.
So 90 days came, great I did it, I accepted the congratulations from the very people who helped me get there. Now surely I can think about having an odd expensive beer or glass or two of fine wine for I have learned the lessons, I know the triggers and that is what I proceeded to do.
It didnt take long for me to realise it wasnt quite that simple. I saw that I would have to be careful and I was, for a while. Somehow over christmas I let my guard down and the frequency started to go up again. Sure its only a couple and its christmas sure, I told myself. That was nearly six months ago and I havent found the meadow again. Oh I have the directions clearly marked on the map. Granted I havent drank to blackout or fallen over or forgotten what I said or did but is this the best there is? I can clearly see that cliffs edge again and at times I am teetering close to that edge, the soil is loose there and I am aware that I can only walk along here for so long or eventually I will stumble into the abyss.
I choose the meadow.

Thank you for reading.

:new: AS it say's I'm new here, and haven't as of yet posted my story. -- But in response to your story, I've been drinking a very long time and I've tried many, many different way's to drink in moderation, including switching to different kinds of alcohol . The last two years I switched to just wine. And when someone would mention my drinking, whether it be my wife, children or friends, I could come back with, gees it's only wine, and, I don't touch the hard stuff. But of course deep down inside I knew I was in trouble.
It's also funny how I always looked at drinking as a reward. But now I realize that alcohol of any kind is a poison. It's a remover.-- It removes tar from the side of a car, and it also removes, our jobs, friends, spouse's, children and can even remove us from society. Some reward.-- So, Ive finally given up. Waking up with a hang-over and always feeling like crap, is no reward. I'm on my fifth day of AB. I feel like crap as I'm going through with drawl (but I'm not hung over), but maybe just 5% less crappy then yesterday. All as a result for rewarding myself. Sorry for being so heavy, but I'm pissed at myself for letting this go this far. Good luck. Stay in touch with this site, it will help. Gobs22