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    my story

    Couldn't think of an artful title. Whatever. I'm 35, Male, from California. I'm a (feels like) lifelong drunk.

    I've always been an awkward kid, made fun of a lot in middle school. Hung with the "outcasts" in high school. Goths, mostly. Wasn't fat then, am now. Started drinking around 17, along with drugs; LSD mostly, also pot, meth. I got past the drugs mostly, still smoke weed when I can, but largely do booze. I met my soul mate but lost her due to drink. I've started a lot of good things, but always failed due to drinking.

    I drink at minimum 12 units a day, just to feel normal and bleed off the anxiety of the day. Once I feel normal, I usually run down to the liquor store and grab another 12 pack. Beer is my drink of choice, but I like vodka and gin as well. When I run out of beer, I will either pass out or drink from my hard liquor stash. The other night I drank 12 units of beer, then poured a huge glass of Bailey's on ice and fortified it with around 12oz of scotch. After I finished that, I smoked two joints, then passed out. I'm still surprised I woke up.

    I hold down an IT job that bores the crap out of me, but keeps me fed and liquored, and it's loose enough that I can sleep in on days after a serious bender and not get fired.

    I ran across this site from a random article about Dr. Amiesen and Baclofen. I was, to use the brilliant UK slang, "gobsmacked" that such a "cure" could exist. I have been reading and lurking on these forums ever since, and placed my order for Baclofen about 8 days ago.

    Today, I came home from the bar, and my Baclofen was in my mailbox. I've been staring at the pills, and drinking beer. I am terrified. I am terrified to take it, because I bought it over the internet, and am not under a Doctor's care. I am terrified that I will have some adverse effect and .. I don't even know. I'm terrified that it will WORK and I will not know what to do with myself. The anxiety is overwhelming, and all I can do is sit here staring at the pills and drinking beer.

    That is my story. I hope I will be able to post more.

    #2
    my story

    :welcome:Moglor, you have made a huge step in the right direction. I can give no advise on the pills but I am sure someone will be along soon who has taken them and can give you more information. As for the anxiety, yikes....that is only made 100 times worse with alcohol, that one I've lived through too.
    Keep reading and posting. You sound like you really need this site and to make some healthy changes to your life. You've come to a great place for support. A big welcome to you and good job posting!!:goodjob:
    AF since April 19, 2010
    NF since Nov 10, 2000

    "One reason I don't drink is I want to know when I'm having a good time."
    -Lady Nancy Astor

    Comment


      #3
      my story

      Thanks, daybyday, for your kind words. I posted in the baclofen thread too. I took my 10mg about a half hour ago, and I feel fine. I've been so inspired by the posts here! I hope I can become part of the community.

      Comment


        #4
        my story

        Mog!!

        Good to see you here. You have taken the first step by coming here and that is great.

        There are lots of threads that may be of interest to you, THE NEWBIES NEST...where you will get a warm welcome and encouragement, THE ARMY THREAD...where we have a great laugh and banter but can be serious aswell and are always there for each other when the chips are down, THE ODAT THREAD, the one day at a time thread..where we stay sober ODAT etc etc.THE INTO THE POOL THREAD.for people who are dipping their toes or already swimming, all are welcome.

        Keep reading the posts and posting yourself to let us know how you are doing.

        A very big Welcome.

        ps..was in the goth scene too back in the day
        "It's not your job to like me, it's mine!"

        AF 10th May 2010
        NF 12th May 2010

        Comment


          #5
          my story

          Hi Moglor. I can't offer any great advice and i don't know much about Baclofen (sorry!) just keep searching and reading the threads on here. And although I am not an expert i think that with the amount you have been drinking it might be dangerous for you to take the meds and try to stop on your own. Research a bit more, don't take any risks with your health.

          Good luck, this is a great place to start!
          It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. :teeter:
          George Burns

          Comment


            #6
            my story

            Welcome Moglor,
            Thanks for sharing your story. You've found a great place for advice and support. I don't know a lot about Baclofen either, but there are many others on here that do. Please keep reading and posting and let us know how you're doing.
            K9
            :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

            Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

            Comment


              #7
              my story

              Moglor - Powerful story I appreciate your sharing. I'm still considered a newbie and I've found a second home here. There are a tremendous amount of resources on this site. Use them, ask questions, and embrace the community. You'll be a better person for it, and will be well on your way to reaching your goal...john
              Outside of a dog a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog its too dark to read

              Comment


                #8
                my story

                If you already feel huge anxiety when you are drinking or parts of the day when
                you're sober do not go cold turkey, it's literally a nightmare to go thru
                and believe me you do not want to experience your first panic attack
                you're better off not ever going thru that...

                I suggest you go to your doctor and tell him the truth as I did, after
                about a week on any type of benzodiazepine type of pill you should
                be fine as far as withdrawals are concerned, if you take those
                at least you won't go thru any panic attacks or seizures
                if you still have anxiety after a week or more you might actually
                need anti-depressants then again talk to your doctor.

                and whatever you do, do not ever mix benzodiazepines with booze
                as the combination can kill you.


                I'm still :new:

                Comment


                  #9
                  my story

                  Thanks Bugz. I've taken medication for depression before, but haven't been on it in awhile. I usually only take it when the depression gets really bad. The baclofen (I have been posting my experiences in the baclofen forum) has worked really well at curbing both my anxiety and my drinking, and I did not have any problems with withdrawl (although I didn't quit cold turkey.) I feel better now that I can ever remember feeling! Even in one short month, I'm already feeling like the person who wrote that first post is starting to become a relic of the unfortunate past, and I'm hoping that removing alcohol will go a long way towards solving the depression.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    my story

                    Mog, hope you keep coming back. There are lots of wise people here.
                    sigpic
                    Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
                    awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

                    Comment


                      #11
                      my story

                      welcome Moglor... you have found a good place. I will be interested to follow your story of the bac. I feel the same in terms of buying meds on the internet and not being under the care of a doctor. I think you should see you doc... he/she will only want to help and improve your quality of life.
                      great things are okay with the job... want to hang on tight to that these days.
                      kudos for taking action!

                      Comment


                        #12
                        my story

                        also just read your story first time

                        Glad you're on MWO and are doing it.

                        fantastic.
                        AF since 15th March 2010

                        The journey is the goal. As long as you're fighting the good fight and you're not giving up on giving up, you're winning. It's not about how often you get knocked down, it's about how often you get up again. Sobriety the goal for sure. But striving to get to that goal is what it's about. Not getting there. Because the journey never ends. The journey is the goal.

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