Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Hoping ...

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Hoping ...

    :new:

    Oh please tell me I may have found an answer to this mess I am in!

    I am printing the PDF of the book as I type, 5:00AM here in California and I am been up since 2:00 ... can't sleep, stressed out, another morning that I tell my self YOU HAVE GOT TO CHANGE THIS!

    I can't tell you how many days I have said that to myself. I am SO hoping that with a bit of help, there may actually be a path that I can find ...

    I'm 52 and single, and have been a heavy wine drinker (what IS it about wine and us women?) for years now. I would guess about 2 bottles a day of nicer wine. On non-work days, I would start with that old excuse of a Bloody Mary ... or a champagne and OJ ....

    This last 2 years .. things have REALLY rocked out of control. And getting worse by the week. I MUST change this ... and am looking for all the help I can get!

    About 5 years ago, I attended AA for a few months and completely quit. The daily cravings mad me INSANE! I was counting hours each and everyday ... and then finally gave up .. went to the store and bought a bottle of wine ... and here we are again ...

    I'm a successful business woman, no kids, was able to buy my dream home 7 years ago, and used to be the most energetic person on the planet. Even with the drinking ....

    Now, I there is just no longer any joy in life. It is as tho "something" is going to happen, some grand change .. and I am just sitting on the sidelines waiting ... It is the oddest feeling ... and sad.

    Three years ago (ok guys, cover your eyes) I had a complete hysterectomy. After about 7-10 months later, I seemed to start losing interest in things. And drinking more .... I used to have the most amazing gardens, loved to cook, blah blah blah .... I blamed it on hormones, and have done every adjustment I could ... I feel worse, am drinking more, getting depresssed, so I drink more, get stressed, so I drink more, which makes me more stressed .... AHHH .. there has to be an end to this cycle!

    This past summer, my best friend and his teenage daughter who I helped raise, moved out of state to able to buy a house they could afford. A few weeks prior, my sweet golden of 14 years, who has been LITERALLY my shadow at work, home, church, etc. for 14 years passed over. Close after, I chose to end a relationship of 3 years as I think we were supporting each others drinking and I discovered that he had other drug issues as well.

    So it was a summer of loss ... hence a summer of more drinking. I am totally out of control.

    Fortunately, (or maybe not) I own and run my own business. This allows me to make up all kinds of excuses for not being there, or even drinking at work. How sick is that? And then I drive home!

    I don't drink to the point of falling down or blackouts .. but I maintain that wine buzz almost all waking hours after Noon. And of recent .. the bloddy mary buzz just to kick start the day.

    The depression is realy getting bad. No thoughts of suicide or anything of that nature ... but I am just so flippin un-inspired by anything. Garden is going dead ... I now eat fast foods ... make excuses to not even go out anymore. My business is slipping .... and I KNOW those around can see what I am doing.

    So ... there you have it .. my sick little story and a hand reaching out here ... I will be reading, reading, reading today ...

    Thanks for the ear ...

    Waiting To Exhale

    #2
    Hoping ...

    Thanks Kate! Yes, I am seeing many others here with the same type of stories.

    I think I am going to "attach" myeslf to this site for a bit ... some very supportive people.

    Waiting

    Comment


      #3
      Hoping ...

      Wow this sounds like someone i know! I think you just found your answer.I am now off to find every one of your post.

      :welcome:

      Comment


        #4
        Hoping ...

        you sound like you'll get along great here! nice to meet you and i know how you mean about feeling like something going to happen but it never does. being un-inspired is hard. try to think of something you really loved doing that you haven't done in a while. maybe a bubble bath, or making jewelry, or sponsoring a kid from a third world country (okay that's a reach, but doing for others makes us feel better sometimes). sorry, i haven't had my tea yet, i'm a little off. just wanted to say hi and make yourself comfortable.:welcome:

        Comment


          #5
          Hoping ...

          Thanks for the replies! I just pulled my bum outof bed and need to head off to work.

          What an amazing feeling that there are others here I can talk to! Wow .. Will start readingthe book tonight!

          WaitingToExhale

          Comment


            #6
            Hoping ...

            Hi Waiting!:welcome:

            I don't live in wine country like you do but we grow and make our own wine here in Alabama.
            Wine is just everywhere and I think it has become the drink of choice because the wine industry has really pushed it!
            It's all about $$$$$!

            Read the book and post and order the supps and lets get this show on the road!
            BTW.........I'll be 59 this year and drinking because an issue for me after surgery too...

            Nancy:l
            "Be still and know that I am God"

            Psalm 46:10

            Comment


              #7
              Hoping ...

              Hi Waiting and welcome!!! This is a great place you have found and I hope it will enable you to gain control over your situation. You will soon see we all have a lot in common. Please keep posting....
              I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me

              Comment


                #8
                Hoping ...

                :welcome: Waiting, Your story has a VERY familiar ring to it! Funny how we start drinking... thinking we're doing it to have FUN... and the next thing ya know... that's ALL we're doing.. & it's no fun at ALL!

                Been there , done that! I've been HERE, since January, (& Moderating), now, I can still have fun & enjoy a bit wine or a drink or 2, without having to have all of it...in one sitting(or falling down episode),...

                Looking forward to getting to know ya!
                :l Judie
                The only thing worth stealing is a kiss...:flower: zwink:

                Comment


                  #9
                  Hoping ...

                  WaitingToExhale,
                  Love the name. I too had a radical hyseterectomy a little over a yr ago & I too started drinking more (I think). That surgery is major don't forget & takes an enormous amount of physical, mental & spiritual energy out of you. I can see why things got worse that year for you. I am just starting to feel physically like myself again -- it has been 15 mo.

                  There are tremendous success stories here and sounds like you will fit right in. You also sound determined.

                  Do jump into all of the forums and read & post. Also really try out the tools -- the topamax, the supps, CDs. It is mix & match what works best for each person. It is like you design your own program with some trial & error. Wait, at least that is my take. Others, I'm sure have different views.

                  And based on our unique lives it takes longer or shorter for each of us. I try to remember that. Taking me awhile longer. It's in the process. So welcome and hang in awhile.

                  Love, Chrysa

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Hoping ...

                    Thank you all for the warm greetings ... I see there are others here that are a bit new as well **waving at Fan** .. and for the support.

                    Funny, how already the day became different .. knowing I was coming home to this book that is the start of a project for myself. Knowing I could pop in here and read .. and hear back ... and hopefulyy understand it all better ....

                    I cannot express how much this is meaning to me.

                    Am I sitting here with a glass of wine? Yep ... but I have to tell you, it is MUCH less that I would have normally had at this time of the evening. Ok .. not good ... but I stopped to think about pouring that glass instead of being on auto-pilot. As small as that sounds .. it's a step for me ...

                    I found another strength today that I am not certain of where it came from ... this relationship I am recently out of .... and I am happy & sad all at the same time because I care for him .. but TALK ABOUT WANTING TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN"T CARE (or at least comment) ABOUT YOUR DRINKING ... and drink as much or more than I ..

                    Well, I was suppose to meet up with him tonight for REALLY just business stuff. Up until last month I still handled his financials as one of my businesses is a Private Banking Company ....I am attempting to get his books all turned over to him and teach him how to take care of them himself ...

                    I cancelled the meeting. Why? Because I knew I would sit at this desk drinking wine for hours, doing books and either having some giggles or some debates .. but ALL THE WHILE ... throwing back the wine. I knew it. And you know what ... I don't wanna do that anymore!!!

                    I am far away from beng strong, feel like I am at the starting gate of a race .. and NO ONE is going to get me off course on my first few steps. So there!

                    Not knowing me from Adam .. you have NO CLUE what a big deal that was for me to call him and say "sorry, I just can't do it tonight". Miss him so much ... but I want a better future. And it is not with another person with as bad or worse dependency issues than I have.

                    So THAT was my baby step for the day. It translates to at least one less bottle of wine for the evening, a few free hours to get started on this book, and most important ... I am going to go to bed tonight feeling like I did SOMETHING in the right direction.

                    OK, you guys are going to get sick of me really fast! It feels so good to be able to tell someone (or someones? LOL) what I am going through.

                    What angel directed me to this site as 200 AM this morning, I have no clue .. but I sure am happy I found it!

                    Gratefully,

                    WaitingToExhale

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Hoping ...

                      hi waiting to exhale,
                      where you are now is a very difficult place to be. i too am in a mess currently really not knowing where to turn. howver i do feel that out of great desperation comes great change. i think the pain that you feel can be your saviour, driving you to find a better way. i wish you well in your recovery.

                      as joyce said "a persons errors are their portals to self discovery"

                      stay well, breath deep and exhale

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Hoping ...

                        Thanks you for your words. It is tough finding a place to turn. It a time that can make one feel so weak ... all the more reason to get my act back together .... I never USED to be a weak person .

                        Well, I actually went to bed at a normal hour and actually slept through most of the night this time, up at a normal hour.

                        I guess falling alseep drunk on the sofa at 700PM may have something to do with poor sleep habits? Ya think??? LOL

                        This morning there is actually a half bottle of wine left in the frig. Whoa! Can't remember the last time THAT has happened. A start .. just a start ... but Iswear I am going to come crashing out of that gate at some point.

                        Here to a good day for all of us ... my goal for today is to NOT have that glass of wine (at work yikes) with lunch. To stay at work longer than normal (beacuse otherwise I come home and start drinking), and to actually tick off a project that has been on my list for months.

                        Time to focus ...

                        WaitingToExhale

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Hoping ...

                          unregistered is very wise! i always forget that change is often uncomfortable, and to keep it in perspective. the challenge is the blessing. good luck today WTE, and take care of yourself!

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Hoping ...

                            Thanks Freckles and Mike! Off to the shop!

                            Feell like I have some friends to come back and chat with ... and just knowing that helps ...

                            WaitingToExhale

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Hoping ...

                              Houston .. we have Blast Off!

                              I have not been this sober this time of day since .. well heck, I don't remember.. How scary is that?

                              Was not a pefect redintion of the day I wanted, but good.

                              I managed to stay my afternoon glass of wine hours longer than normal .... and oh my, how we play games in out own heads. Here was mine: "Well, actually, I ahve not even gotten past the introduction to the book I started last night, so I REALLY don't have any new tools yet, so I get started on that again tomarrow. I already did well today"

                              Sheezz.. but I have to say ... I did NOT buy that bottle of wine on the way home ... and have nursed the little bit that was left in frig .. all without really getting in a panic about having to do the journey to the store tonight. (tiny pat on back .. as silly as that sounds)

                              AND! I managed to get a project/file off of my desk that has hauted my To Do list for months! Dug in, focuedmyself, had to go to the courthouse .. tempted to hit the store and head home and "relax" .. but instead made the turn and actually got to the courthouse.

                              Oh my it was so simple to take care .. WHY the heck have I put this off for so long? DONE! ***doing little happy dance***

                              And then something funny happened when I got home ... I hit another few projects that I at least got a start on. If I wore suspenders ... I would be flippin them out with a proud look. LOL

                              So, day two. Not perfect, but very good .... and as I sit and type tonight and think about all of the others that are walking in my same shoes ... I wonder about your baby steps today. And do we all start so small ... and how important it feels to FEEL .. and feel accomplishied in the tiniest way ...

                              I'm smiling .. and I even have wine left in my glass! Whoa!

                              WaitingToExhale

                              PS: Put off the BF again tonight .. just cuz it felt fun to be in control for a change! (I know .. evil grin)
                              PPS: Yes, I type this bad even sober LOL

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X