32 making same mistakes as 20

[okkslady]

32 making same mistakes as 20

I had a dream about several tornados last night and this isnt the first of its type of dream that I have had. I kinda relate it to the chaos that I have been going through...maybe the destruction I have done to my life? in these dreams the first person I run and grab is my son and we head to the basement...I know it has NOTHING to do with the subject but it was on my mind... I have read and re-read posts from all of you and they all have such good advice and in one of them it was said that "even though we are in our own personal hell we are not alone" and another said they were "self centered for years and playing the victim"...man I can so relate and it is nice to come and be able to read and write what I am thinking. I use to blame others for things that have happend to me...I would be mad at friends for letting me do something stupid while intoxicated but it was nobodys fault but my own. I have been feeling really tired and depressed lately...and in one of the posts it is mentioned that it is the down side of drinking, I cant remember the exact quote but drinking so hard and so much in one night really messes with the levels in your brain and it is getting harder and harder to shake this depressed feeling. Since sunday I have been living in sweat pants and havent attempted to fix my hair, make-up etc. I can get up get my son to school and feed him breakfast and dinner but when he is at school I have been sleeping all day. I do feel tired. Today I got up around one and showered and did some house work and cooked dinner. I took my son for a walk and being outside was so nice...I still cant shake these feelings of feeling guilt for everything I have done. It will take time I am sure. It is constantly on my mind and i cant wait for that day when my mind is at peace and I put the past behind me...The books that were recommended I want to read and I have been looking up supplements that were mentioned to help repair....

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

32 making same mistakes as 20

Okkslady, you are right it does take time and its not easy to just brush everything that has happened away but we must learn to forgive ourselves for what went on before. Down the line you can make some amends to the people you have hurt if thats what you wish but remember nothing is going to change the past and there is no point in worrying unduly about the future. Just live in the present and do the best you can today, that starts with not picking up that first drink, ODAT. The rest will follow as you gain your self respect and begin to like the person looking back at you in the mirror every morning again, I know thats what happened for me.
Be kind to yourself, you are worth it.

[symbols]

32 making same mistakes as 20

Hi OKKS,

Complete honesty is one thing that has helped me get my recovery going. Went to my Dr., whom I've been using for years and gave complete disclosure. Got my med. and some ambien and had a blood test. When he e-mailed me he added a note on how proud he was of me for taking this step. BTW I'm a guy, so it wasn't be nice to a girl thing. To friends, honesty. In business I do play it off as a heath kick; I'm in an industry of drinkers....don't wanna turn them off. Family...complete honesty. I think it's easier to fail when its a secret, and harder to fail when your open and people are watching. If you mistep....well, get up again.

That your here is such a good step...

Good bless....and yes, it can help to get on the knees and pray for strength. I do.:welcome:

[okkslady]

32 making same mistakes as 20

hi

Ktab I have been trying to do as u suggest and not worry so much bout the past...going day by day...last night was my first temptation...I ran into a friend at the store and she invited me to go out. My son was with his father and my evening was free and I wanted to go, I felt so tempted and even thought well, I can just have one or two drinks and just visit...I declined and went to a casino with my brother instead. At the casino I ran into 2 ex-coworkers and one offered to buy me a drink...I declined and said "Im trying to not drink anymore: and he laughed and said "yea right" just like everybody has been saying....I jus laughed and said "I AM" and he didnt ask anymore. The difference between these guys and I are that they can go and have one or two drinks and if I were to get started I cannot. When I was at casino I received a text message from my friend who I ran into at the store and she said "please come out I miss u" I txt n told her maybe another time...which I should have been honest, like Symbols suggests, and said "i am not drinking anymore!!" I didnt go out I went home and watched a movie with my brother and I sat there and thought how nice and SAFE I was at home and enjoying the company of family. If I was out drinking and blacked out I coulda made a bad decision or could even risk my life riding with drunk drivers...I would be taken away from my son and family just to get that drink?? Tonight is going to be a tough night. I work one night a week at a place where there is drinking and usually after I am done working we all hang out and drink till 5-6am. It has been this way every friday for the past few months.....It is going to be a hard night to say no. It is going to shock everybody when I say no. But I want to say no and wake up feeling good!!!

[goingsobermum]

32 making same mistakes as 20

Having people not believing in you when you say you are quiting is not good for your resolve. If you just said 'I am not drinking tonight' and then don't drink then they won't be able to not believe in you and you will proud of yourself each time you manage it and in the end they will just know you don't drink and leave you alone.

[OverIt2007]

32 making same mistakes as 20

Hi Okkslady!!

It sounds like your doing so much better in your resolve to say "NO". I know this is so hard when your bored and lonely and your friends all drink. Then you tell yourself your not "that" bad and before you know it that drink is in hand again.

Your right, you do have ALOT to lose. We all do, thats why this is so important to get under control. Have you thought about maybe AA or any kind of support system?

I will tell you what I do, I am back taking Antabuse. If you ever have any interest in that, please message me. It works very well for me. Just a suggesstion, I am wishing you the very best and you seem very determined to do this. That is what it takes is determination and getting some good long sober time under your belt. It will get easier for you the longer you go!

Be Well, and remember you always have a very good support system right HERE anytime you need us.

Overit

P.S. Keep sticking to your resolve to say NO. Pretty soon your "friends" might realize you are serious, or perhaps they just want you to drink so they dont have to answer for THEIR OWN poor behavior perhaps??? I mean seriously. Sounds like everyone is adults. Is there nothing better to do than drink till 5am??? (You know what I mean)

[choice]

32 making same mistakes as 20

Hi Okkslady,
I read the start of your thread a few days ago and keep thinking about it. How are you hanging in there? One thing that keeps echoing in my mind is keeping yourself safe. I hope that you are and take care.
:h

[okkslady]

32 making same mistakes as 20

hello choice

I have been keeping myself safe, thanks for concern. It has been ten days and i havent had a drink. I have been hanging out with my family alot and watching lotsa tv! I have been sleeping more than usual though. It is hard to think of what got me to this point...feel terrible bout things I have done but want to change. I hope that there isnt to much damage done to my body and health!!! I am feeling good....I turned down a trip where I knew there would be so much temptation to drink with family that i havent seen for years..it's like to a big festival where drinking is main part of the whole week!!! best I dont go because I know I would just join in with the crowd...Im planning a trip with my brother at the end of the month to visit a friend of his and both of them dont drink so I will be less tempted! so far things are going good......

[choice]

32 making same mistakes as 20

I'm really glad to hear you doing well. I'm only on day 16 myself and it feels a lot longer. I've just been kinda laying around and reading a lot on this sight. I've had to say NO to some functions this month myself. A friend is turning 40 and it's going to be a drink fest. I don't feel ready to start the whole "I don't drink" phase of AF with party goers yet. It kinda felt good to know what I needed and take care of myself better. Not let myself down and stop trying to please everyone. Good job on day 10! This isn't easy but I think the rewards are worth it.

[OverIt2007]

32 making same mistakes as 20

Thats Fantastic!!!!

Im so glad to hear you are doing so well! Wow, 10 days is really awesome, REALLY! :goodjob:

Im pretty sure the longer you go, the easier it will get. Im sure with this sober time you are also seeing your life in a new way perhaps? Time for some self reflection and thinking about how you want to live your life.

Your doing great!! Keep up the great work and join us in the "Just Starting Out" section as well!! Remember, you always have this place for support when you need it too. Thats what its here for.

Be Well and Im proud of you!

Overit

[okkslady]

32 making same mistakes as 20

day 15 wow

thanks for the supporting words choice n overit...on day 15 and have been doing good at saying NO THANKS! Went to dinner at a mexican restaurant and the person I was with wanted to order a pitcher of margaritas...looked good but I declined. I am kinda fighting a cold right now and somebody suggested I take a shot of liquor it would clear me up...and I was tempted and even was making exscuses in my head and saying well it would help me??? But I said no. My best friend asked me to go out for drinks last night and I refused as well....I have to be awake and alert at 7am for my son!!! I still need to get a hobbie started or something else to pre-occupy and erase this lonely feeling....before when I was lonely I would call up a friend and go out or to their house and chit chat over beer liquor whatever....hit the town, blackout and make mistakes!!! uggg, I am happy that I havent done anything STUPID and RIDICULOUS...when I am drunk I always seemed to do something that I had to apoplogize for the next day....HAPPY that is done and over with....well I am fighting to have that phase done and over with!!!

[Pride before Fall]

32 making same mistakes as 20

Hi Ok,

I was a working single mom for eight years, and my drinking skyrocketed in that time. I LOVED when my kids were at their dad's and I could drink until I passed out. Then I couldn't worry that health forms weren't turned in, or Josh needed cleats, or the roof was leaking, or the car was making a funny noise, or the mortgage was late, or I had a presentation due the same day as the 8th grade play...all of which were still there the next morning, compounded by a hangover and self-loathing, and new stuff adding to the pile.

What has helped me let go of drinking is telling my kids I wasn't going to do it anymore. I was "out" then, and making sure they know they can rely on me is huge to me.

My brothers smirked when I told them I'd quit too (while tossing back their 2nd or 3rd beers at 10 in the morning, I might add). No matter how low-key you are about it, quitting alcohol is going to be extremely threatening to some people. Stick close to the people who support you!

I just started reading "Mommy doesn't drink here anymore"; if it has some wisdom the mom squad (you know who you are!) can use, I'll post a recommendation.

Welcome! : )

Pride

[okkslady]

32 making same mistakes as 20

feeling good

I come back to my post and re-read the first post that I made on august 31......I need to keep reading that so I can remember and not forget how bad drinking has made me feel and the effects it has on my body physically and my personality. Maybe i should print it on a small card and carry it with me and when I am tempted I need to take it out and read it...I have noticed that I am not as cranky and my mother and I have a better relationship...I was really irritable before. I just told her today that I was trying to quit drinking and she was supportive and said that I was always in a bad mood. It was me addicted and wanting a drink sooo bad that I would fight and be irritated because I couldnt get to it quick enough. It is amazing how a month without alcohol has affected me for the better....at first I was tired alot and I didnt want to get outa bed...last week I started working out and this week I feel happy...I dont want to sleep I want to get out and experience everything. I have done nothing that I regret in this month!!! I have not had to apologize for my behavior to anybody. I want to be surrounded with positive people. I have let all petty drama in my life go. I have not heard from my party friends at all. At the beginning of the month they would call or txt n ask if I was going out...my "best friend", the gal I did all my partying with, hasnt even attempted to call me n 2weeks....I told her I wasnt drinking anymore and after that nothing....no calls to ask how I am doing or no txts....I have another friend who are main thing was drinking a 6-12 pack each on weekends...she no longer calls or txts me either and I am not sad about it at all.....I do need people to talk to and I love conversations but I need to distance myself from my former friends....I thank everybody for their advice and encouragement....I come back to read your words as well....they help keep me going.....tomorrow will be another blessed and beautiful day!!!

[punktbrewsta]

32 making same mistakes as 20

Yep, prove them wrong. I appreciate your story, it's really not that much fun is it. But look at the bright side, if your not drinking often, then quiting is just making those times a lot longer right? ? It sounds like your pretty gud for wks maybe months at a time, so that must be in your favour. I'm the same, don't have a dependancy, just have an inclination to over indulgence, and regret.

Best of luck.

[punktbrewsta]

32 making same mistakes as 20

Oh haha I wz replying to tha beginning of the thread, shame. I do it when I'm bored and lonely too, it's chronic and there is such a drinking culture here, I don't even know anyone who's not a drunk in this town. Good ta see your feelin betta about things.