My story isn't really that dramatic but find it therapeutic to write it. I've been drinking now for over 20 yrs starting at under 15 which is terrible for your growing body. I can remember even at a young age really craving drink, not wanting to socialise unless there was drink and feeling like i needed drink to overcome shyness and be me. I don't suppose it's unusual for teenagers to think that doing things they shouldn't is cool but I don't think I've ever got beyond the juvenile opinion that being able to handle your drink and out drink others is cool. Written down that seems so sad and pathetic. I remember going out once with a friend's group of friends and them having a few drinks and a good time and one of them driving home.All very civilised but instead I wanted desperately to be sloshed to the point of vomiting from necking a bottle of vodka in the park with friends who were completely horrible to me most of the time.
The pattern continued in college going for drinks in the student bar after the days end except i could never have just one and go home and frequently stayed until closing time. I think I was afraid of missing something and people rejecting me if i went home. What a glorious waste of time.
My working life's been successful and I have a family now but the whole cycle of drinking as a reward at the end of the day never changed and student pints morphed into bottles instead of a glass of wine building to bottle a day plus a few large whiskies. Gradually, this became the first thing I reached for when getting home and at any sign of stress. I still feel the need to drink to be sociable too knocking back a couple before actually going out.
When I read this back it seems like all classic signs but my drinking never really bothered me until recently. Children are looked after, work is attended too, bills are paid, exercise is done so I can't be an alcoholic right?
I guess I've just slowly started to see how boring my social life actually is when it only consists of getting plastered. I'm hoping it's a period of transition as I feel really lonely just now but at the same time I just don't want to go out to pubs or friends houses and drink anymore. Also having worked really hard to lose 2 stone my weight crept back up. It's dawned on me that I can diet all I like but it's never going to stay off until I stop drinking. So no big tale- just an over weight, over tired mum who has finally realised that if I keep doing what i'm doing, I'll keep getting what I've got. Sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Looking forward to good days. Thanks for reading.
AF for 14 days now. :thanks:
The pattern continued in college going for drinks in the student bar after the days end except i could never have just one and go home and frequently stayed until closing time. I think I was afraid of missing something and people rejecting me if i went home. What a glorious waste of time.
My working life's been successful and I have a family now but the whole cycle of drinking as a reward at the end of the day never changed and student pints morphed into bottles instead of a glass of wine building to bottle a day plus a few large whiskies. Gradually, this became the first thing I reached for when getting home and at any sign of stress. I still feel the need to drink to be sociable too knocking back a couple before actually going out.
When I read this back it seems like all classic signs but my drinking never really bothered me until recently. Children are looked after, work is attended too, bills are paid, exercise is done so I can't be an alcoholic right?
I guess I've just slowly started to see how boring my social life actually is when it only consists of getting plastered. I'm hoping it's a period of transition as I feel really lonely just now but at the same time I just don't want to go out to pubs or friends houses and drink anymore. Also having worked really hard to lose 2 stone my weight crept back up. It's dawned on me that I can diet all I like but it's never going to stay off until I stop drinking. So no big tale- just an over weight, over tired mum who has finally realised that if I keep doing what i'm doing, I'll keep getting what I've got. Sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Looking forward to good days. Thanks for reading.
AF for 14 days now. :thanks:
wl:
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