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**Gaia** · September 20, 2010, 06:28 AM

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

Hi FreedGenie,

Just read your post. This thread does not get as much traffic as some of the others, so I wonder if you might get more interaction if you post under First Time Here?

Good for you for allowing yourself to explore here. Only you know your true status in terms of your addiciton/love for/ AL. Reading up here will help you figure it out. I also would recommend reading Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp, especially if you are a high functioning alcoholic.

Aside from your parents 'voicing control' (interesting choice of words!), does your husband notice your drinking? Do you think he would be supportive if you shared your concerns with him?

How did it go yesterday? Are you still planning on an AF day today?

Best to you,
T.

**newstart32** · September 20, 2010, 08:08 AM

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

Welcome Greenie!

My story sounds somewhat similar to yours, although I think I was drinking quite a bit more than you at the end. I still don't have the answer as to what makes you a true alcoholic and what just makes you a problem drinker (or any of the other titles). Someone shared this link with me and it could help you decide just what level you are at: Audit Alcohol Screening Test

I just read the book "Mommy Doesn't Drink Here Anymore" and it was a real eye-opener for me. (It's available on Amazon, and elsewhere I'm sure.) It was a quick read - no literary masterpiece, but helpful. Parts of the book really struck a chord with me and gave me hope.

I hope you continue to journal here! I know that this part of the site doesn't get as much traffic and as many responses, but I think that there are a lot of people out there lurking and reading stories like ours to seek inspiration. I am not trying to make myself out as some sort of hero at all, but I hope that if my story touches just one person and either makes them feel less lonely, or helps them make a decision to get a grip on their drinking, then sharing my story here is all worth it. Plus, I think it's a great way for me to organize my crazy thoughts while I go through this process.

I am very new here, but here is my journal so far: Here I go ...

I highly recommend to keep reading this site quite often. When I made my first attempt at going AF I was reading a different site and it was simply not as helpful. Coming here made something click for me. Perhaps because there are so many high-functioning alcoholics here sharing their tips and stories. It made me realize that you can still have a big problem before you hit rock bottom (losing your kids, spouse, house, etc.) and that NOW is the time to get a grip on things before you get to the point where you are no longer so highly-functioning. If you poke around here you will find some wonderful advice.

Best of luck to you! The first few days are so hard, from a habit standpoint, but you can do it!

**FreedGenie** · September 20, 2010, 08:20 AM

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

Hi Gaia

Thanks for your comments. Funnily enough, I meant to type my parents voicing concern and not control ha ha!!

I asked my husband straight if he thought I had an alcohol problem and he said no but agrees that its a good idea I am taking control. I have never secretly drunk or lied about drinking or drank during the day. He also drinks daily but can stop at one or two beers or glasses of wine without any problem. I think he will assess his own drinking habits when he sees me abstaining over the next two weeks.

Today is AF day 1/14. No problems at all so far. I didn't used to drink until the evening so I'll see how it affects me tonight.

Hi newstart - thanks for your support -
I will read your journal later.

I haven't ordered any of the books as honestly feel I can do this and really am writing on here to keep myself accountable and maybe encourage someone else to think about their intake
Before it gets totally out of control.

I may, of course, have my head in the sand and already have a
problem but I sincerely hope not!! I think I am scared
enough to do this right here and right now.

Thanks again for your support guys xx

**Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)** · September 20, 2010, 11:33 AM

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

Hello FreedGenie, I just wanted to say welcome to a fantastic place. You might want to pop into the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...486-30074.html

And take a read of https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

Many of us have found these useful starting out. Good luck on your journey, it is so worth it.
Keep safe
KTAB

**FreedGenie** · September 20, 2010, 02:32 PM

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

Hi KTAB - thanks for the warm welcome.

Day one is almost over and I am surprised to say that I've had no cravings or side effects at all so far. In fact I have been feeling happy and pleased with myself all day!

The only thing I noticed was how I felt like i'd forgotten to do something...
I guess it's just the change of routine. I wasn't even slightly bothered when
Hubby came in and cracked open a bottle of beer..
I am doing this for me - because I want to - I can't control other peoples actions and won't use them as an excuse for my own behaviour anymore (I have several heavy drinking friends which is why I seemed to justify it).

I have just had a long bubble bath (I adore baths) and am going to go to bed shortly. Tomorrow I will go and stock up with bath bombs etc and treat myself to a relaxing bubble
Bath every night.

Sleep well - I will check in tomorrow.

FG xx

**fluff** · September 20, 2010, 03:50 PM

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

Hi Freed- Congratulations on day 1!- You can do this! Lots of tea, baths, start a new routine at drinking time, and you'll be on the right track!:goodjob:

**Doggygirl** · September 20, 2010, 04:53 PM

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

Hi Freed. Just wanted to say :welcome:

I too used to have a lot of heavy drinking friends. I surrounded myself with them. How better to feel like my own drinking "wasn't that bad" than to hang with people who over drank like I did?

My husband is a truly normal drinker. An alcoholic beverage to him is no different than considering the choice between a coke or an iced tea or an ice water. He is actually more likely to choose a non-al beverage than an al one. And when he DOES choose an AL beverage, it's under appropriate circumstances (i.e. not ever in a secretive way) and he usually has only ONE. ONE drink. Something I am completely unable to do.

Quitting was the best thing I ever did. I have my life and my choices back. AL is a ball and chain on some level for most of us here.

All the best to you on your 14 days AF. I hope it's easy peasy. And whether it's a breeze or not, maybe you will like how you feel without the influence, and like the knowledge that you are off that particular slippery slope.

DG

**Diet Coke** · September 20, 2010, 05:39 PM

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

Thanks for starting this, Freed. You story is very similar to mine.....I drink enough wine to become concerned about growing into a bigger problem. I did buy the book, got it on Sat and finished buying vitamins today. I sat reading the book last night with a glass of wine...but it stopped at a 1/2 bottle.

Today is Monday and I will try to be AF for 14 days, too. Using the supplement program in the book. It's been ages since I've gone more than 1 day!

My question to others.....at what point should I consider Topiramate?

Thx

**Doggygirl** · September 20, 2010, 05:48 PM

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

Diet Coke;964146 wrote: Thanks for starting this, Freed. You story is very similar to mine.....I drink enough wine to become concerned about growing into a bigger problem. I did buy the book, got it on Sat and finished buying vitamins today. I sat reading the book last night with a glass of wine...but it stopped at a 1/2 bottle.

Today is Monday and I will try to be AF for 14 days, too. Using the supplement program in the book. It's been ages since I've gone more than 1 day!

My question to others.....at what point should I consider Topiramate?

Thx

Most of the anti-craving medications do come with some side effects. If you do well on the supplements, hypnosis CD's and diet/exercise recommendations alone, maybe you can hold off. I started out implementing everything except the Topa. (from the MWO book) I've since added AA to the mix, but no prescription meds. See what works for you. If you decide to give Topa (or any of the other meds) a go, there is plenty written here about the success rates and side effects people have experienced.

DG

**Diet Coke** · September 20, 2010, 06:43 PM

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

Doggy...thanks. I figured that, but wanted somebody else's opinion. You're doing great, good job! I don't know if my problem is a craving, as much as it is a habit to sit, read & watch tv in the evenings. I do know that once I open a bottle of wine, it's almost always empty by the end of the night. Also, when I know we don't have "my wine" at home, I pull into the grocery store and grab a bottle, although I know my DH didn't buy it while grocery shopping because I asked him not to. Maybe the Kudzu will help with that.

My Dr said to me, well, just don't buy it at the grocery store...(and gave me a duh look) at that point i thought, "it's not that straight forward..." and knew I needed to look for some other support.

As you can tell by my screen name, I have another addiction...@ least 2 32oz a day. Maybe the vitamins will help with with that, too.

dc

**Doggygirl** · September 20, 2010, 07:08 PM

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

Diet Coke;964168 wrote: My Dr said to me, well, just don't buy it at the grocery store...(and gave me a duh look) at that point i thought, "it's not that straight forward..." and knew I needed to look for some other support.

dc

:H Yes, people who do not share this problem definitely do not understand.

You will discover a lot about you and AL by how it goes when you try not to drink for some extended time. All the best to you!

DG

**FreedGenie** · September 21, 2010, 12:38 AM

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

Hi Fluff, thanks for your support xx
Hi Diet Coke, how did day one go? I honestly think we are taking this step at the right time
- it could only have got worse and been very difficult to quit. My plan is to retrain my self to be able to enjoy occasional, moderate drinking. Way less than the average Brit. I am no longer comparing my intake to anyone elses (in order to justify it).
Hi DG - thanks for the support. Wow - nearly 1000 days - well done you!!! I hope you are going to treat yourself to something with all the money you've saved xx

Day 2/14 - I had the best sleep I've had for ages. Woke up rested and feeling happy with myself. No cravings or side effects to report. Will report back later. :-)

**FreedGenie** · September 21, 2010, 05:57 AM

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

Diet Coke;964168 wrote: I don't know if my problem is a craving, as much as it is a habit to sit, read & watch tv in the evenings. I do know that once I open a bottle of wine, it's almost always empty by the end of the night. Also, when I know we don't have "my wine" at home, I pull into the grocery store and grab a bottle, although I know my DH didn't buy it while grocery shopping because I asked him not to.'

dc

I could have written that!!! I honestly don't think I have an addiction - just a very, very bad habit... that won't go by ignoring it and hoping it will go away! So I've had to face up to it and I am so glad I did and that there are others in a similar position... It sounds like you don't hide drinking? Is that right? I never do - I used to always say I need to cut down but never do anything much about it. I'd happily drink in front of friends and family. I know I am catching this at the right time before it got completely out of control. Good luck xx

**spuddleduck** · September 21, 2010, 06:01 AM

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

you guys are definately catching this at the right time. im sure most of us never hid our drinking in the early days.. it just creeps up on you. it took a long long time for me to admit i had a problem..... ok i just have a few to many now and again..... turned into i have a lot too many more now than again. i didnt realize i was sliding down the slippery slope of alcoholism until i was there. thankfully i think im catching it before it really is too late for my health and my life

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