Newbie with wide-open eyes!

[spuddleduck]

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

and yes, i too would compare myself with the heavier drinkers, and ended up spending more time with these people to justify my consumption. since cutting down my drinking i reallize that most people really dont drink that much.. what an eye opener

[Gaia]

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

Hello,

Just sending encouragement to FG and DC! How's it going? Hope you are both feeling well.

Yeah, corollary to "just don't buy it" is "just don't drink it." DUH!

[FreedGenie]

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

spuddleduck;964406 wrote: you guys are definately catching this at the right time. im sure most of us never hid our drinking in the early days.. it just creeps up on you. it took a long long time for me to admit i had a problem..... ok i just have a few to many now and again..... turned into i have a lot too many more now than again. i didnt realize i was sliding down the slippery slope of alcoholism until i was there. thankfully i think im catching it before it really is too late for my health and my life

Hi Spuddleduck, I only truly realised that I was sliding down the slope when I stumbled across this site and read the stories of how drinking just increased and increased until it got out of control. That made me face up to the fact that I needed to do something about it NOW before it became a lot more difficult. I am so happy I found this site.. it seems like fate.

Well done on being AF for such a long time :goodjob: I know what you mean about other people not drinking much. I would always compare myself to friends that drank more than me and quietly ignore the other much higher percentage that drank less!

Hi Gaia

Thanks for checking up on me :l I am feeling surprisingly positive! I woke up this morning and smiled and stretched (read this on another thread and love it! Great start to the day) and was happy that I'd had nine hours constant heavy sleep and didn't have a hangover. I got a lot done even before 10am.

I know it's early days but I now realise how crazy I was to drink so often before... I have two young kids (5 and 3) and stay in most of the time in the evenings. There wasn't even a social reason for drinking except maybe having a glass or two over dinner with hubby - but then he would stop and I would finish the bottle If I can crack this thing and really consider when I would even want to drink then I think I will drink on very few occassions. I now see there is no need at all to drink at home for example - maybe if you're having a dinner party or something but otherwise why waste a good evening and restful sleep? I am very happy with how I am feeling so far. Maybe the cravings will hit later or tomorrow and it will be a bit more miserable? Hope not!! Have a great day x

Oh yes, I stocked up at Lush (how ironic :H) and now have a basket full of bath treats

[Diet Coke]

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

Well, there was one glass left in the bottle from the other night, and I finished it. Now all the white is gone from the house. (Should've dumped down the sink...it wasn't that exciting..) I bought the vitamin powder and then read on another post that it's awful to get down, so I didn't deal with it last night, so I can experiment tonight before I eat.

I have a cd that I had made when I went to a hypnotherapist in April (I've been thinking about doing something about this wine thing for several months....no, make that years...). I've been listening for the last couple of nights. It helps me fall asleep and I think it's helping with keeping my mind focused on the goal at hand.

The big challenge will not be stopping at the grocery store tonight. I'm going to the gym and then heading home. That will help.

Thanks everyone for the great comments. I'm glad I found your post Freed...somebody starting at the same time.
dc

[FreedGenie]

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

Argggghh!! I just spent ages typing a post and then it just closed down and didn't work... anyway here we go again!

Day 3/14 - feeling very fresh this morning with clear mind

Day 2 was fine with no cravings. Can it continue to be this easy? I certainly hope so. I went the Pharmacist and stocked up on a very good quantity Milk Thistle tincture and Vit B complex and also have multi vits and oils and sea kelp for my hair so I'm taking all of those now.

I achieved a lot yesterday. I used to have a glass of wine when I was preparing the kids dinner (most days). Yesterday I mowed the lawn instead! How much more productive is that?! The evening was OK. I called my Mum and she started going on and on about something silly and I felt myself feeling a bit short of patience and I also felt full of energy. At 9pm I started the ironing - previously, I would have been lying on the sofa watching telly with a glass of wine...

Something not so nice happened when I went to bed. My husband had a large glass of red wine with his dinner (I had a chilled mint tea) and then took another one upstairs with him after dinner whilst he played on his DS in our room. When I came down to go to bed, the room stank of red wine... I asked him to take the glass out. He made some quip and I said that I hate the smell of red wine at the best of times but I certainly don't want my room to smell of booze whilst I'm abstaining (have always hated alcohol to be brought in to the bedroom) and that I thought he wasn't being so supportive. Note: I have never drank secretly. He is aware of what I drank as I drank it in front of him or whoever was there. Ususally a bottle of white wine over the course of the evening. I have also been honest about what I am doing now. Anyway, he took the glass down to the kitchen. When he came back, I had the window wide open. He asked if I really wanted the window open and when I said yes, he looked at me with pity and said 'You are pathetic'. When I asked why he just repeated 'you are totally pathetic'. I was gobsmacked... got out of bed, called him something I can't repeat and then went and slept in the spare bed. In all the years we have been together, we have rarely (I can count less that five times in sixteen years) slept in separate beds after an argument. He didn't come to get me and I didn't go back in. This morning when I got up, he had already left for work. I was really upset and cried a bit. I had to face the emotion full on and it felt strong but I didn't crave drinking or anything else. I just processed it (confused) in my mind and then went to sleep and slept well. I don't know if thought I was pathetic because he thought the smell of booze was tempting me (it wasn't) or whether he thought I was overreacting by opening the window or whether the fact that I've chosen to abstain as I can't seem to get a grip and reduce my intake without doing that is pathetic...

Anyway, I will let you know what he says later. We normally get on well. We support each other thru hard times and good. I have no idea what it was all about. I have always been a stay up and fight (not literally!) type and not sulk off and stop talking to each other type. He is going away on business tomorrow. I think it will be good for me to have my own space in a way but I certainly don't want there to be hard feelings before he goes... sigh....

So back to the positive. I stepped on the scales this morning and have lost four pounds in three days!! I have not been dieting at all. In fact, I have indulged a little in whatever I want but not been greedy and have added a huge salad in per day. I can't believe I have been struggling with my weight for years, going on the strictest diets and all this time, I probably just needed to cut out the booze! It was obvious of course, but I just didn't want it enough.

Anyway, sorry to waffle on. Just wanted to update my journal and let you know how I'm getting on. Have a good day.

[Gaia]

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

Hi FG,
If I had a dime for every time I hear a story like this I would be a rich woman!

This is normal. You are turning the norms of yourself and your relationship upside down. You are probably extra emotional as your nerves are a little whacked out by not having their fix. But the good news is that they will calm down.

I hate the smell of wine now. In the earlier months I would nearly boil if DH poured himself some wine. I would cry, or get pouty, or act strange in some way. It's complicated. I remember having an argument about him giving up nightly cognac a few months ago. He didn't want to because he didn't believe that I wasn't going to drink so why should he 'suffer' if it's for no good? Now he only drinks when we are out or on weekends or with other people. It still awakens strange feelings in me - but over time these negative feelings are growing less and just a distain for the smell of wine is growing. I think yuk when I kiss him after he's been drinking! that wine breath - how many times did he smell it on me!

Have you tried talking to him today? Maybe if you explain that it is normal to be a bit touchy in the early days he might understand. Your norms are all shook up and it will take a while for things to settle.

You are doing great!

[Pride before Fall]

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

In "Dry" the author gets advice at the end of rehab about the change in the way he fits into his old life: the metaphor being he's a puzzle piece that has changed shape, and the shapes of those around him also need to change for the whole thing to fit together again.

My fiance said to me, "I'm a little nervous about who you're going to be, now." And he's right; a shift in me means a shift in our relationship, and that's unsettling for him even when the change is healthy.

Let's face it--it's all a LOT of woik, but it's worth it! xoxo Pride

[FreedGenie]

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

Thanks G x
The frustrating thing is that I had already decided 100% that I would not base my future consumption of alcohol on anyone elses. I honestly don't mind if he wants a glass or two of wine or whatever when he gets home from work. I checked this morning and he drank two large glasses (half a bottle). Having booze in the house is not a temptation. I have hated the smell and taste of red wine ever since having my second child. I would have got annoyed even if I hadn't been abstaining! Anyway, I am sure you are right and he is wondering how my lack of alcohol will effect him. I am absolutely certain it will benefit him and our daughters enormously.

I haven't spoken to him today. I honestly thought he would call and test the water but nadda... I haven't called him as am still p'd off that he called my pathetic but having reflected on it, I think he was talking about me making a fuss about the smell and not about stopping drinking.

I am definitely noticing a change in my moods. Most the time I am feeling calmer but if something winds me up, I feel like I could explode (only for a split second).

I am supposed to be going to an evening class tonight but in view of what happened last night and the fact that he's going away tomorrow, I think I will stay at home.

Anyway, I'll report back later x

[FreedGenie]

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

Thanks Pride. You're right. The puzzle has most definitely changed - even on day 3!
I am sure it will be worth it in the end and actually having the next ten days for reflection will be valuable I think. X

[FreedGenie]

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

I mean ten days whilst hubby is away on business by the way.

[Diet Coke]

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

FG..good job on day 3 and reviewing your conversation, i'm thinking the pathetic comment was about him needing to take the glass downstairs. I can be demanding (ok, very demanding) even in nice ways, and I expect my DH to "do what I say"....he's not a whimp and we've been married for 25 yrs...it's just my personality. Every now and then he stands his ground and I get mad. When this happens it's never over serious stuff, life, raising our daughter, etc., it's over stuff like the glass in the bedroom. Hang in there....it's new territory for both.

Ok, I've failed before I started. My husband worked late and my daughter wasn't home, so i decided to stop at our local mexican place. We're regulars we go in 2 times a week, sometimes 3 depending...when i'm alone I sit w/a glass of wine, read a magazine and have something to eat. By the time i'm done, it's 2 glasses of wine, I'm sipping, but it goes down like kool-aid!......then, on the way home i stopped at the grocery store for a bottle of wine (oh, i'll just have 1 more glass)...because the new biggest loser started last night. (How's that for a picture..sitting and watching BL with wine....). So, it was midnight before I went to bed, and guess what, the bottle was empty. So, today i'm tired, my acid in the tummy is going strong :upset: and I'm mad at myself.

So, what could i have done different?...gone to the gym like I had planned, gone home and walked the dog, only had 1 glass of wine, not stopped at the grocery store.....I know in my logical brain that is what I should've done. But how does my logical brain tell my habit brain the right thing?

This is where it's gone from a couple glasses of wine to more. Stopping at the grocery store. So, at that point is it a craving? If we didn't have white wine at home, I wouldn't have drank more. I don't do red, I don't do hard alcohol, and we don't have white sitting around.

Then there's the mental abusing....that was a dumb thing to do..why did you stop at the store..etc. Plus, since I was going to the gym, I was mad at myself for not following through. Geez.

So, like some of the threads on this site, it's one day at a time.

Thanks for listening :blush:

[Diet Coke]

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

oh, P.S.
I haven't shared with my family what I'm doing. They're very supportive, my DH doesn't think there is a problem. We're going to make a plan tonight.

How do you make it so this isn't the only thing you think about? Not a "I need a glass of wine", but do I have a problem, can I go for days AF, stuff like that.

I'd also drop lbs fast, FG, because I'm not a big eater---there's probably 500 calories in a bottle of wine.

[FreedGenie]

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

DC
Sorry to hear about the slip up. I had done that many times. It was only last week when I accidentally found this site and read and read and realised that if I didn't do something NOW, I could end up totally addicted and having real trouble trying to quit. I read the stories and realised that it's a thin line from daily drinking to secret drinking, blacking out, throwing up etc.etc. (which thankfully I hadn't got to yet). I think you can do this DC. How much do you want it? Can you shoot for 14 days AF? The idea of that seemed pretty awful to me but I can honestly say that even on day 2, I realised it was not going to be hard at all and I am reflecting a lot on previous drinking episodes - you know, when you think you're being the life and soul of the party (cringe) and realising that I should have done this a long time ago. I am certainly hoping that I will be able to socially drink in the future but now think it will be on a much less regular basis than what I thought it would be when I started this three days ago (my aim was to only drink saturday and sunday after AF14 but now I doubt I will drink unless if I am attending a social occassion). I don't think about wanting a drink all the time... I honestly think I'd just had enough of drinking in the evening, sleeping from 10pm and then mentally beating myself up about it for 2 hours at 4am every morning and then waking up at 6.30 after half an hours sleep and feeling like crap... I am not feeling like having a drink at all.
Read through and try and do something now. YOU CAN DO IT xx

[FreedGenie]

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

PS I always used to watch Biggest Loser whilst sipping my spritzer LOL!!

[FreedGenie]

Newbie with wide-open eyes!

Journal entry to say,... Thank you Gaia for your comments earlier (and subsequently your comments DC) regarding the pathetic incident. You really put it in perspective. Hubby has been extra nice tonight and hasn't touched a drop of alcohol. We haven't mentioned the little spat last night.. I realise now that there's nothing to discuss. Anyway, I am so tired. It's only 9.25pm here but I need to hit the hay.
Day 4 tomorrow :-)