I've spent some time snooping around the forums and I really like the philosophy and camaraderie behind MWY. I guess I've really become concerned about my drinking over the last year.
I'm 26 years old and I have a wonderful boyfriend, career and life. My mom has always been alcohol dependent and at some times a full blown alcoholic and I've always been very hesitant around alcohol because of that. Over the last few years I've had a few very traumatic events happen to me and I've found my drinking has escalated. It's up to a bottle most (but not all) nights (I still have alcohol free nights) - on some really bad days, i'd say probably 5 days over the last three months? (this is where I really became concerned) I'd even started drinking during the day and managed to drink up to 2 bottles that day/night.
It really scares me. Not just the damage I'm doing to myself physically and psychologically but what I stand to lose. I've gotten a DUI in this time (thank god no one was hurt, to this day I can't fully forgive myself) but I don't seem to know how to 'break' this habit. Before this, I was always able to go to bed without a glass of wine but it's turned from a habit to a compulsion.
It seems to be the only thing that 'quiets' my mind. Otherwise I toss and turn and can be up for the entire night. The anxiety (because of personal troubles) is horrible. I've started seen a cognitive behavioural therapist, and I thought joining this forum might be another positive step I could take. If at least to act as an outlet for my thoughts and to connect with some people going through the same thing. Sometimes it just feels like my brain is going through white water rapids - violently churning and smashing into things with no direct focus.
So hi. I want to make positive steps in my life so that I can get back to moderate or no drinking, because right now it feels like I've forgotten how.
So here's to the first day of the rest of my life? But I'm also really scared, I really want to believe I can do this!
:thanks:
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