So my mom and I were running from my father who was also running from the FBI. The year was 1972, and that is the year I was both born and began to run. At first, my mother had to carry me while I ran away from a man who shot federal agents during a drug bust in Texas, but at later times in my childhood, it would be a car that would carry me as we ran away from something or someone else. Illinois, Colorado, Texas, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, Maryland, Florida and North Carolina were all states that were lucky enough to have met me during my life.
Ilinois is where my mother ran to while pregnant with me to hide from my father. I was born there, but soon had to leave due to the fact that he found us again. We ran again, this time to Colorado, where we spent some time with her parents. She got a job, a restraining order, and finally a divorce. Later in life I asked her about him, what his name was, she never responded, never told me. The job gave her a chance to meet another guy, who she married and is the only ?dad? I have ever known. They were perfect for each other really, when things got hard, they ran.
Houston, Tx. I was about 6, my brother was 2. Dad had a good job with an oil company and mom worked in accounting. We were out of the house by 4am and back by 8pm every day of the week except for weekends. My brother and I spent most of our time in daycare or school. I remember the nights when my brother and I couldn?t sleep, my mom would give us cream ?d menthe on the rocks to put us to sleep.
One day my dad had a nervous breakdown, spent every dime in the bank account and went to the funny farm for a few months. We got evicted from our condo and moved into the slums in Houston. I rather enjoyed the new neighborhood because there were lots of boys and girls that were allowed to stay out late and do whatever they wanted. That?s when it all started for me?I was 12.
One day I was told to pack everything I wanted to take, but it had to fit into ?this? bag. A small black suitcase. No toys, no skateboard, no pictures, just clothes and other small things that would fit. It was whisked up by my dad and thrown into the trunk of our car. Off we were?
Oklahoma City, OK. We were there for 4 weeks. I started a new school. We moved in with an aunt and uncle and their 3 kids, slept on the dining room floor, and started to make new friends. I really liked this new school; it was modern, and not what I was accustomed to. Probably would have been good for us if we would have stayed but the family itch continued?
Some Camp Ground, NE. I don?t know how long we were here for, but I do remember our parents asking us to steal food from the grocery store and bring it back to the campsite. We slept in the car?
Back to Texas. This time we moved in with a family that we knew from Houston. They had 3 daughters, and I used to be friends with one of them a few years back. I spent a total of 2 years there. My parents never got jobs and I think that is why they finally kicked us out. I was the first to go. By this time, I had had enough of this. I had begun to punch myself in the eye, and then when the school counselor would ask me about it, I would tell him that my dad hit me. Well, let?s just say it worked! I was put on a plane to go live with my Grandparents in Pennsylvania.
Indiana, PA. I have always loved my grandmother. My grandfather is a doctor, and she was the sweetest gardener you?d ever want to meet. I, on the other hand, was mad, angry, and really going crazy. I started smoking pot, coke, drinking. Over the course of the next 2 years of high school, I spent a total of 30 days in a mental institution, 30 days in a drug rehab, and then a 14 month stretch at Teen Challenge where I finally graduated High School. But for me, at least I was away from my parents and if I wanted to run, I could do it on my own terms.
College. I met my wife here. The university was rated as the number 2 party school in the nation at the time and we took advantage of every opportunity we could. She graduated one year ahead of me and wanted to move to Ocean City, MD for a while, so I dropped out and followed her. We stayed there, working and partying for a couple years, then moved to Florida to do the same. Then we decided I needed to finish my degree and she wanted her masters, so we moved to Wilmington, NC, where we have never left.
Wilmington, NC. You see, I had decided a long time ago that I would never be like my parents. I would be a successful husband and father. I would always hold a good job, save for retirement, pay for my children?s education, and take my family on vacations. Well, that lead to its own type of stress that I was not anticipating at all. I didn?t anticipate that the corporate world could drive a man to drink so much that it could control his every move! With every new job or new promotion I began to drink more. In 2000 I got pulled over after a ?dinner? party with a bag of coke and a BIG DUI. I had a wonderful lawyer who got me off with just some community service. Then in 2003, after another ?dinner? party, I was driving home and passed out, ran off the road and slammed into a telephone post head on! I was not wearing a seat belt, but somehow, in a fog of drunken stupor, with a broken windshield, air bag over me, I was able to drive all the way home (over 15 miles) without getting caught. The next morning my wife called the insurance company and told them she had hit a dear the night before L And ever since that, I had pledged not to drink and drive EVER again. So I held to my word.
We decided to build our dream house in 2005. After buying the plans, the land, and securing a construction load, we learned we were pregnant! In addition, because I am an over achiever, I decided to be the general contractor myself. Well, let?s just say that a pretty normal beer, wine, occasional liquor drink turned into Gallons of liquor. A year after we finished the house, and had the baby we decided to open a daycare. More liquor, more wine, more whatever. Always at night. Always controlled. Never during the day. 2009 was the year that I lost control I think. I was drinking to the point of passing out every night of the week, and the volume was impressive to say the least. I was going through about 1 ? gallons of vodka, 12 bottles of wine, and a case of beer a week. My wife was helping of course, but mainly it was me.
September 2010
I was sitting at work thinking I was going to have a heart attack. I called my doctor and she rushed me right in. My blood pressure was 200/100 and she was afraid I was going to have a stroke. After some time and some medication, they took blood and sent me away with a script for high blood pressure meds and instructions to exercise. The next day I get a call from the lab, and they tell me that my liver enzymes are double what they should be and the doctor wants me to stop any alcohol or Tylenol for 30 days. I hang up the phone and start to think. Then I start to panic. Have I ever really even considered the idea of not having a drink? And if I had, could I not have a drink? And if I could, did I want to not have a drink?
Well needless to say, that didn?t go well. I didn?t make it one stupid day. In fact, because I was trying to stop, it made me drink even more! So in 30 days I went back in for my blood test. The next day I got the dreaded call from the lab. This time they were more serious. ?Did you stop drinking?? No, I answered. They said that my enzymes were almost high enough to be on the liver donors list and the doctor wanted to see me ASAP. I went in and talked with the doctor. She asked me if I had a problem, and I didn?t know what to say. I just looked at the floor. For the first time in my life, all I felt was shame. She handed me a card for a wellness center and transferred me to a psychiatrist. I went out to my car and cried for half an hour. How the hell was I going to tell my family? What the hell was I going to do?
Well, that was about 2 weeks ago. I found MWO and have been on the supplements and topomax under the care of my therapist for a week now. I have only had one alcohol free day, and I can?t even imagine having more than that. The sick part about all of this is that I know I am killing myself.
I was told by someone here that it might help if I wrote out my story, so there it is. Hopefully, the second half won?t be as bad as the first!
Ilinois is where my mother ran to while pregnant with me to hide from my father. I was born there, but soon had to leave due to the fact that he found us again. We ran again, this time to Colorado, where we spent some time with her parents. She got a job, a restraining order, and finally a divorce. Later in life I asked her about him, what his name was, she never responded, never told me. The job gave her a chance to meet another guy, who she married and is the only ?dad? I have ever known. They were perfect for each other really, when things got hard, they ran.
Houston, Tx. I was about 6, my brother was 2. Dad had a good job with an oil company and mom worked in accounting. We were out of the house by 4am and back by 8pm every day of the week except for weekends. My brother and I spent most of our time in daycare or school. I remember the nights when my brother and I couldn?t sleep, my mom would give us cream ?d menthe on the rocks to put us to sleep.
One day my dad had a nervous breakdown, spent every dime in the bank account and went to the funny farm for a few months. We got evicted from our condo and moved into the slums in Houston. I rather enjoyed the new neighborhood because there were lots of boys and girls that were allowed to stay out late and do whatever they wanted. That?s when it all started for me?I was 12.
One day I was told to pack everything I wanted to take, but it had to fit into ?this? bag. A small black suitcase. No toys, no skateboard, no pictures, just clothes and other small things that would fit. It was whisked up by my dad and thrown into the trunk of our car. Off we were?
Oklahoma City, OK. We were there for 4 weeks. I started a new school. We moved in with an aunt and uncle and their 3 kids, slept on the dining room floor, and started to make new friends. I really liked this new school; it was modern, and not what I was accustomed to. Probably would have been good for us if we would have stayed but the family itch continued?
Some Camp Ground, NE. I don?t know how long we were here for, but I do remember our parents asking us to steal food from the grocery store and bring it back to the campsite. We slept in the car?
Back to Texas. This time we moved in with a family that we knew from Houston. They had 3 daughters, and I used to be friends with one of them a few years back. I spent a total of 2 years there. My parents never got jobs and I think that is why they finally kicked us out. I was the first to go. By this time, I had had enough of this. I had begun to punch myself in the eye, and then when the school counselor would ask me about it, I would tell him that my dad hit me. Well, let?s just say it worked! I was put on a plane to go live with my Grandparents in Pennsylvania.
Indiana, PA. I have always loved my grandmother. My grandfather is a doctor, and she was the sweetest gardener you?d ever want to meet. I, on the other hand, was mad, angry, and really going crazy. I started smoking pot, coke, drinking. Over the course of the next 2 years of high school, I spent a total of 30 days in a mental institution, 30 days in a drug rehab, and then a 14 month stretch at Teen Challenge where I finally graduated High School. But for me, at least I was away from my parents and if I wanted to run, I could do it on my own terms.
College. I met my wife here. The university was rated as the number 2 party school in the nation at the time and we took advantage of every opportunity we could. She graduated one year ahead of me and wanted to move to Ocean City, MD for a while, so I dropped out and followed her. We stayed there, working and partying for a couple years, then moved to Florida to do the same. Then we decided I needed to finish my degree and she wanted her masters, so we moved to Wilmington, NC, where we have never left.
Wilmington, NC. You see, I had decided a long time ago that I would never be like my parents. I would be a successful husband and father. I would always hold a good job, save for retirement, pay for my children?s education, and take my family on vacations. Well, that lead to its own type of stress that I was not anticipating at all. I didn?t anticipate that the corporate world could drive a man to drink so much that it could control his every move! With every new job or new promotion I began to drink more. In 2000 I got pulled over after a ?dinner? party with a bag of coke and a BIG DUI. I had a wonderful lawyer who got me off with just some community service. Then in 2003, after another ?dinner? party, I was driving home and passed out, ran off the road and slammed into a telephone post head on! I was not wearing a seat belt, but somehow, in a fog of drunken stupor, with a broken windshield, air bag over me, I was able to drive all the way home (over 15 miles) without getting caught. The next morning my wife called the insurance company and told them she had hit a dear the night before L And ever since that, I had pledged not to drink and drive EVER again. So I held to my word.
We decided to build our dream house in 2005. After buying the plans, the land, and securing a construction load, we learned we were pregnant! In addition, because I am an over achiever, I decided to be the general contractor myself. Well, let?s just say that a pretty normal beer, wine, occasional liquor drink turned into Gallons of liquor. A year after we finished the house, and had the baby we decided to open a daycare. More liquor, more wine, more whatever. Always at night. Always controlled. Never during the day. 2009 was the year that I lost control I think. I was drinking to the point of passing out every night of the week, and the volume was impressive to say the least. I was going through about 1 ? gallons of vodka, 12 bottles of wine, and a case of beer a week. My wife was helping of course, but mainly it was me.
September 2010
I was sitting at work thinking I was going to have a heart attack. I called my doctor and she rushed me right in. My blood pressure was 200/100 and she was afraid I was going to have a stroke. After some time and some medication, they took blood and sent me away with a script for high blood pressure meds and instructions to exercise. The next day I get a call from the lab, and they tell me that my liver enzymes are double what they should be and the doctor wants me to stop any alcohol or Tylenol for 30 days. I hang up the phone and start to think. Then I start to panic. Have I ever really even considered the idea of not having a drink? And if I had, could I not have a drink? And if I could, did I want to not have a drink?
Well needless to say, that didn?t go well. I didn?t make it one stupid day. In fact, because I was trying to stop, it made me drink even more! So in 30 days I went back in for my blood test. The next day I got the dreaded call from the lab. This time they were more serious. ?Did you stop drinking?? No, I answered. They said that my enzymes were almost high enough to be on the liver donors list and the doctor wanted to see me ASAP. I went in and talked with the doctor. She asked me if I had a problem, and I didn?t know what to say. I just looked at the floor. For the first time in my life, all I felt was shame. She handed me a card for a wellness center and transferred me to a psychiatrist. I went out to my car and cried for half an hour. How the hell was I going to tell my family? What the hell was I going to do?
Well, that was about 2 weeks ago. I found MWO and have been on the supplements and topomax under the care of my therapist for a week now. I have only had one alcohol free day, and I can?t even imagine having more than that. The sick part about all of this is that I know I am killing myself.
I was told by someone here that it might help if I wrote out my story, so there it is. Hopefully, the second half won?t be as bad as the first!
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, 
Trapp.......You lived through quite the monster mash ! Hay we can't change the hand that was delt us , but we can change the hand that we play ! Hang in their dude......Good help here ! Tony
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