A Story of a Trapped Dad with Hope to Find His Way Out

[mama bear]

A Story of a Trapped Dad with Hope to Find His Way Out

Sweet Z...you are amazing
my story is hard too, adults can really mess children up.
You and Roger need to stay close....you are twins of a sort.
Please let us all be there for you.
Mama

[sapphire1]

A Story of a Trapped Dad with Hope to Find His Way Out

HI TRapped,

I have just read your amazing story and all through it I sensed a person with an incredible spirit, determination, resilience in the face of great challenges and hardship. You can use this remarkable strength of character to conquer this demon too. You are far from helpless Trap, it is in you to do anything that you set your mind to. This will be a battle, but you have stood up to many foes in your life and defeated them. You are a winner......you take on projects in your "over achieving" capacity and you see them through. So my friend, now is the time to "over achieve" with the fight for your life and the future that you so richly deserve. Life without drinking is possible...there is nothing negative about a sober life...I am finding so much joy and peace of mind in my sober life, that I never thought existed. Love and grace Saffy x

[Illuminae]

A Story of a Trapped Dad with Hope to Find His Way Out

Hi Trapped! I had just been wondering what your story was and how you were doing from our other thread and decided to check all your posts. Glad I did. Wow!!! What a life, but glad you found this site. As you know I started this method right at the same time as you so I think we'll be keeping an eye on each other. Much luck and good wishes to you!!!

Illuminae

[sunshinedaisies]

A Story of a Trapped Dad with Hope to Find His Way Out

Oh Trap - you have been through SO much = you are an incredible man to have come so far in your life. I KNOW that you can do whatever you set your mind on doing - also you and Rog do indeed seem to have a lot in common. You have overcome a lot already Trap - just give it a little more time, give your body a chance to heal, let the Topa work as well and it will all come together. With our support, love and hugs, we are always here for you - call any of us when you need to. Just slow down a tad. love and hugs to you,

sun xx

[TrappedDad]

A Story of a Trapped Dad with Hope to Find His Way Out

Regret. It is a word that is so powerful it paralyzes me. And in that paralysis, all there is to see is shame. This weekend was extremely painful for me. The truth about my addiction came out to my wife and she did not take it well. We fought most of the weekend, and I couldn't wait to get to work and out of the house today. That is what I mean by REGRET...and...SHAME. I know this is not her fault. She is a great mother. I just wish I had someone to help me through this battle. She does not want to help. She will support me by taking care of the kids (in fact, I am not allowed to help!), but she has better things to do with her time than help me overcome this.

I thank you all for your comments. I can't control the hand I was dealt in life, and I certainly didn't divulge most of it. I am trying to make the second half much better, but am having a hard time doing this alone.

I will keep posting my progress even if it doesn't help me, hopefully it encourages one of you someday. What I have gone through in my life must have been meant for something. I hope I don't loose my family...

[AMELIA]

A Story of a Trapped Dad with Hope to Find His Way Out

Hi Trapped,
Good on you for finding a support site such as this to help you on your journey.
Knowledge is power and support is vital.
Sounds like you have a lot to live for. Lots of pressure - yes - so if you can find healthy ways to de-stress you will find cutting down or going abstinent much easier.
There is no shame in admitting that you have a problem that you need help with.
x

[asha29]

A Story of a Trapped Dad with Hope to Find His Way Out

i am a trapped wife of my beloved husband, but he stuck in his past

:new:
:welcome:
Hi Trapped! Hope that name will mean soon only a nick name, not the way how u feel about yourself.
I have just found that website and am not sure how to say what i feel inside, so am asking u for patience, please. AM actually at work, and I should be working... hmmmmmmm
but I can't even keep focus on anything but my yesterdays visit in rehabilitation centre, where my husband is. He started rehabilitation 2 weeks ago. His life was quite similar to yours, maybe not so hard, but hard too. And he stuck in the past, he is still a little boy, who was hurt by his drinking father. since that time he is blocking every emotion and all feelings. Even now in the centre, i think he adapted to the place and requirements, but he doesn't allow himself to go back into his past and feel again all bad emotions, and it holds him back from understanding himself and curing himself.
U said your wife is not able to help u............ I am trying all by best for my husband, put i heard yesterday from him: DON'T PUSH ON ME! ............ and i am lost, i started to think my helping is not helping. Or maybe he became too comfortable over there - in a way of not dealing with every day reality, and he will do only a minimum of hard work to sort himself out - just to keep himself over there as long as possible. But its not a real change. Am so confused, that am not sure if i can even explain clearly what i feel.
But want to ask u how u feel it? What do u think? should i still try to be there for him, try to knock to his heart and brain door? Or just give up? He hurt me so many times, so badly, i forgot who i am cos i was living for him, trying to care, to understand, to sort the mess he made. It didnt work. Now he says he is doing it by himself, but he is affraid to open, let emotions burn him from inside and then lead him to understand them and learn how to deal with them - those from the past and those from the present.
How do u feel that, if your wife isnt there for u, does it make u more motivated, and stronger for himself?
Am hurt, i really am. I cant do it for any longer. i have learnt from my husband to block my feeling 2!m Cos he expected that from me and cos he made my life so difficult, that if i had let myself to feel all my emotions i would probably be now too depressed to live and i would distroyed our little son life2!!! but i stayed strong despite all the shit! and now i can hear DONT PUSH ON ME!its like i will not work hurder, dont expect me to do it. am here in rehab and am trying, thats hard enough! Does he understand that we all deal with our own mess. And its hard 2. I still want ot help him, but i can feel it need another deeper step, another stronger commitment! Should i say what i feel, that am just letting my emotions from past and now to get to me, and there is so much of anger and disappointment that it makes me feel i dont want to see him now. I will not push any more. He knows i love him so so much, and he knows where i am. But its like to say: that am waiting for him at the set time and place and if he comes, we will go together, but if he doesnt come over there i will go my own way forward. I cant be any longer a muscle of his will. Will being true and so so real help him? Will it move him from the stuck place?
could u tell me what do u think about it? how it feel for a person who suffers addiction?
I do hope, that talking about my problem will not use u in any way, maybe thinking about somebody else will link u to some solutions for yourself. And am asking for help only under that condition if its alright for u and if there is any good for u in answering my questions.
asha

[Doggygirl]

A Story of a Trapped Dad with Hope to Find His Way Out

Hi Asha. Welcome to My Way Out. I'm sorry to read about your frustrations. I'm glad to hear that your husband is getting help.

I am the alcoholic in my family so can only speak from thatn perspective. I know that I frustrated my loved ones. Many of them wanted desparately to help me. They could see what I needed to do even when I could not. HOWEVER....no amount of knowledge or good advice coming my way from my loved ones made a difference. I had to decide to get sober for myself. I have to find my way through it with the help of others in recovery. My husband is supportive by allowing me to do what I need to do, and not trying to tell me what he thinks I aught to do. That is what is working for me.

I'm not sure where you are from and if Alanon is available where you are. It might help you to meet with others who are dealing with your exact same problem - loving an alcoholic. Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen Your husband is blessed to have someone who loves him and cares. I hope you both find a healing recovery path.

DG