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    The van Gogh syndrome...

    :new:

    Hi everyone,

    This is difficult, but here goes. I truly hope someone can identify with where I'm coming from.

    First things first, I guess: I have a predisposition to alcohol. Alcohol was always a part of my upbringing, my adolescence, my adulthood. I've struggled with it on-and-off since my late teens/early 20s. Several years will pass (while I still drink) when there are no ill effects to my work, family, friends, or my ability to function mentally/emotionally.

    However, about every four years (WTF is that?), I will change jobs, change habits, change where I live...and just change.

    Well, here it is 4.5 years later from the last time, and here I am again.

    Regarding van Gogh: My whole family is the same way, back to Great-Grandparents and probably beyond. My father just turned 90 a couple of weeks ago...our liver genes just won't give up?he's fit as a fiddle!

    Background? I never, ever, was abused as a child. We were a family of artists and musicians, and still are to this day. In order of age:

    My oldest sister has a Masters in music from Northwestern in Chicago.
    My brother is a symphonic composer.
    My sister is a fiction writer.
    My brother is agoraphobic, but in his day was a very good writer and sound man.
    And I, I am a composer, artist, and writer.
    Oh. And my 90 year old Dad? He played his first gig in 1934.
    We all have an I.Q. (if you can believe in those tests) around 150.

    So is there a correlation between creativity, intelligence, and drug dependence/mental issues?

    Case and point?oldest sister is probably not an alcoholic, but suffers from...'suffering'. She's miserable, and, while I'm the most 'Left' person I know, she sounds like the proverbial 'Jewish Mother'... "Oy! I toil for my family...But don't worry about me...you go out and have fun while your mother sits at home suffering..."

    Symphonic Composer brother is prone to bouts of sleeping 24/7 depression.

    Fiction Writer sister is diagnosed as "Borderline Personality Disorder" (look that up).

    Agoraphobic brother is, well, agoraphobic.

    And then there's me.


    I'm thinking about going on Antabuse, only because there are no 'public programs' in the area where I can dry out for a couple of days. I drink before work, I drink after work. I hide it from my husband (who also drinks) and actually did a 'self-intervention' last week, fessing up to everything. And here I sit by the computer, beer on the desk.

    I've got a beer gut. I've gained 15+ lbs in 3 years. I went part-time at my job to go to school (my job really
    sucks btw). I started school, and as of today, I dropped my two classes. I'm trying to start my own business (again). I feel like shit, and am not exercising. I just want to be 'put away' for awhile, and emerge like a butterfly out of its cocoon.

    Any non-judgmental words of wisdom would be appreciated.

    Thanks all~~~
    "The Pessimist complains about the wind; the Optimist expects it to change; the Realist adjusts the sails."

    —William A. Ward

    #2
    The van Gogh syndrome...

    Hi and welcome!
    I'm finding this forum to be a wonderful, supportive place.
    I'm not completely clear on what your question is in your post. Do you mean that everyone in your family has problems with alcoholism? It is not clear to me how their writing ability or IQ is relevant here. Your family members sound rather like me - I'm a journalist and author by profession and I have an Oxbridge education and I'm an alcoholic. But then my half-brother left school at 16 and works as a criminal, and he's an alcoholic too. I don't think alcoholism affects any particular class, occupation or IQ level. Sounds to me like you are ready to give up the booze or to moderate your intake? That is WONDERFUL!
    Sober since 2nd November 2010!

    "Life is a mirror of your thoughts and beliefs. It simply reflects YOUR truth, your reality."sigpic

    Comment


      #3
      The van Gogh syndrome...

      Hi Nichau:

      Welcome. There's lots and lots of insightful and practical information and support here at MWO, and a lot of different ideas and approaches represented to help people who want to come out from the suffering of alcohol.

      And kudos to you for your post. I can relate. Years ago I made lists of the artists, musicians, writers whose works, through the ages and currently, I considered to be the most influential and ground-breaking for humanity. My point to myself was that they were all addicts, so maybe that's part of what is required for that kind of greatness; so maybe I had to drink, too. I also have a lot of family addiction.

      It appears to me that there is some correlation especially between high levels of creativity and addiction; but then I became a full-on alcoholic and it didn't really matter how high my IQ was (it's very high) or what luminous company I was in as an addict. What mattered was that I was going to die in a very gruesome way if I didn't find a way to quit drinking all day, every day.

      Well done - 'fessing up to those around you. Sounds as if you know when enough is enough. Best of luck to you on your journey. It is so worth it to feel good again.
      "Wherever you are is the entry point." --Kabir

      Comment


        #4
        The van Gogh syndrome...

        breaking_the_cycle;1004445 wrote: Hi and welcome!
        I'm finding this forum to be a wonderful, supportive place.
        I'm not completely clear on what your question is in your post. Do you mean that everyone in your family has problems with alcoholism? It is not clear to me how their writing ability or IQ is relevant here. Your family members sound rather like me - I'm a journalist and author by profession and I have an Oxbridge education and I'm an alcoholic. But then my half-brother left school at 16 and works as a criminal, and he's an alcoholic too. I don't think alcoholism affects any particular class, occupation or IQ level. Sounds to me like you are ready to give up the booze or to moderate your intake? That is WONDERFUL!
        Hi, Cycle...

        First: WTH is that on your back? Awesome photo!

        Second: "I'm not completely clear on what your question is in your post." Well, I'm not sure if there really was a question, specifically. It was just sharing about my, and my family's life. Yes, my family all has problems with mental illness, which may or may not include alcoholism. I didn't mean to suggest that educated or less educated people had a predisposition. Just wrote about what I knew. Sorry if I offended. :-(
        "The Pessimist complains about the wind; the Optimist expects it to change; the Realist adjusts the sails."

        —William A. Ward

        Comment


          #5
          The van Gogh syndrome...

          Nichau,

          :welcome:I think it's hard to say if there's a correlation between creativity/intelligence and addiction/mental issues. I think a lot of tormented people have certainly been talented and creative. But, you could also make a case for there being a thread of it in your upbringing. After all, everyone lived in the same household. My father was a raging alcoholic, and all three children have had drug or alcohol issues. I would say my brother and sister both probably had genius IQs (or at least really high). I think my sister tested in the 140s. I would say that my brother definitely had mental health issues. So, it's probably a complex combination of nature/nuture..........

          Like you, I started drinking at 14 and ultimately drank every single day in my adult years. I can even relate to your making dramatic changes in your life every 4 or so years. I was either changing men/houses/boyfriends/jobs at about the same interval. Finally, I saw what a dead end that was and settled down.

          Regardless, though, the bottom line is the same. If you want to get sober, it takes a strong desire and work. Let us know a little about your plan. Are you trying to get support to stop drinking, or to moderate??

          Anyway, glad you found us. It's a great place with some really wonderful people. Take time to read as much as you can on the site - there is a wealth of information!

          BTW, you might want to start posting under Just Starting Out or the General Discussion tabs. It might take people a while to find you here. Also, here is a helpful link to get you started if you want to work on being sober:

          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

          Choochie

          Comment


            #6
            The van Gogh syndrome...

            Nichau;1004498 wrote: Hi, Cycle...

            First: WTH is that on your back? Awesome photo!

            Second: "I'm not completely clear on what your question is in your post." Well, I'm not sure if there really was a question, specifically. It was just sharing about my, and my family's life. Yes, my family all has problems with mental illness, which may or may not include alcoholism. I didn't mean to suggest that educated or less educated people had a predisposition. Just wrote about what I knew. Sorry if I offended. :-(
            You did not offend I was just initially not quite clear on where you were coming from. I did read recently that certain mental illnesses (Bipolar being one of them) were more prevalent among highly creative types. But my suspicion is that alcoholism affects absolutely any and everybody and not any specific type. Lots of my friends are authors and I'd say a disproportionate number of them have mental illnesses of one type or another. :welcome:
            Sober since 2nd November 2010!

            "Life is a mirror of your thoughts and beliefs. It simply reflects YOUR truth, your reality."sigpic

            Comment


              #7
              The van Gogh syndrome...

              Nichau;1004498 wrote: Hi, Cycle...

              First: WTH is that on your back? Awesome photo!

              Second: "I'm not completely clear on what your question is in your post." Well, I'm not sure if there really was a question, specifically. It was just sharing about my, and my family's life. Yes, my family all has problems with mental illness, which may or may not include alcoholism. I didn't mean to suggest that educated or less educated people had a predisposition. Just wrote about what I knew. Sorry if I offended. :-(
              The thing on the guy's back is a goat. I think he really loves his goat!!!
              Sober since 2nd November 2010!

              "Life is a mirror of your thoughts and beliefs. It simply reflects YOUR truth, your reality."sigpic

              Comment


                #8
                The van Gogh syndrome...

                Hi Nichau welcome to myo . i don't think you offended anyone. If you want help to stop your drinking this is a good place to start, lots of good people here with more advice than i can give . for me this site has helped a lot. keep reading / posting if you want help
                AF 5/jan/2011

                Comment


                  #9
                  The van Gogh syndrome...

                  Thanks, everyone, for making me feel welcome. It's just one step in the right direction, but then again, a step is a step.

                  G'nite all.
                  "The Pessimist complains about the wind; the Optimist expects it to change; the Realist adjusts the sails."

                  —William A. Ward

                  Comment


                    #10
                    The van Gogh syndrome...

                    Hi Nichau,

                    Welcome! Re: creativity and alcoholism, have a look at No 9 on the list of excuses to drink on Spiritual River, a great site with straightforward advice The Top 10 Excuses that Addicts and Alcoholics Use to Justify Their Addiction ? and Why it is All BS I know that's not the question you asked but it reminded me of this.

                    Anyway, I wanted to chip in about Antabuse. When I was first trying to stop drinking, I had trouble stringing together more than a few sober days at a time. I would stop for three or four days, then drink, then stop again, then drink etc.
                    So I decided to take Antabuse to ensure I could not drink and would be able to get a few weeks sober under my belt - to give me some breathing space from alcohol.

                    It really worked for me, and helped kickstart a long period of abstinence (along with lots of other things). I would recommend it but if you do take it, DO NOT drink on it. Some people here have taken it and continued to drink and that's not what it's for and can be dangerous.

                    Any other plans for getting sober as well as that? What else are you trying?
                    sigpic
                    AF since December 22nd 2008
                    Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

                    Comment


                      #11
                      The van Gogh syndrome...

                      Hi Marshy,

                      I loved the top 10 excuses. Thank you for the link.

                      I had taken Antabuse once before in 1992 or thereabouts. Worked like a charm. It helps me when my option is to not have an option.

                      I am not sure what my plans are yet. But I think of it many times a day, and in my dreams at night. Unfortunately I am not a fan of 12-step groups, so that limits my support system locally. I do have a scrip for Campral, and need a kick in the butt to start it and stay on it. When I lived in FL, one could check themselves in to a state-funded facility for free, which really helped by not having an option to drink. In my local area now, however, there really aren't any options for (uninsured) professionals.

                      Guess I'll just keep hanging out here and seeking answers from the community.

                      Thanks again~~~
                      "The Pessimist complains about the wind; the Optimist expects it to change; the Realist adjusts the sails."

                      —William A. Ward

                      Comment

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