:new:
Hi everyone,
This is difficult, but here goes. I truly hope someone can identify with where I'm coming from.
First things first, I guess: I have a predisposition to alcohol. Alcohol was always a part of my upbringing, my adolescence, my adulthood. I've struggled with it on-and-off since my late teens/early 20s. Several years will pass (while I still drink) when there are no ill effects to my work, family, friends, or my ability to function mentally/emotionally.
However, about every four years (WTF is that?), I will change jobs, change habits, change where I live...and just change.
Well, here it is 4.5 years later from the last time, and here I am again.
Regarding van Gogh: My whole family is the same way, back to Great-Grandparents and probably beyond. My father just turned 90 a couple of weeks ago...our liver genes just won't give up?he's fit as a fiddle!
Background? I never, ever, was abused as a child. We were a family of artists and musicians, and still are to this day. In order of age:
My oldest sister has a Masters in music from Northwestern in Chicago.
My brother is a symphonic composer.
My sister is a fiction writer.
My brother is agoraphobic, but in his day was a very good writer and sound man.
And I, I am a composer, artist, and writer.
Oh. And my 90 year old Dad? He played his first gig in 1934.
We all have an I.Q. (if you can believe in those tests) around 150.
So is there a correlation between creativity, intelligence, and drug dependence/mental issues?
Case and point?oldest sister is probably not an alcoholic, but suffers from...'suffering'. She's miserable, and, while I'm the most 'Left' person I know, she sounds like the proverbial 'Jewish Mother'... "Oy! I toil for my family...But don't worry about me...you go out and have fun while your mother sits at home suffering..."
Symphonic Composer brother is prone to bouts of sleeping 24/7 depression.
Fiction Writer sister is diagnosed as "Borderline Personality Disorder" (look that up).
Agoraphobic brother is, well, agoraphobic.
And then there's me.
I'm thinking about going on Antabuse, only because there are no 'public programs' in the area where I can dry out for a couple of days. I drink before work, I drink after work. I hide it from my husband (who also drinks) and actually did a 'self-intervention' last week, fessing up to everything. And here I sit by the computer, beer on the desk.
I've got a beer gut. I've gained 15+ lbs in 3 years. I went part-time at my job to go to school (my job really sucks btw). I started school, and as of today, I dropped my two classes. I'm trying to start my own business (again). I feel like shit, and am not exercising. I just want to be 'put away' for awhile, and emerge like a butterfly out of its cocoon.
Any non-judgmental words of wisdom would be appreciated.
Thanks all~~~
Hi everyone,
This is difficult, but here goes. I truly hope someone can identify with where I'm coming from.
First things first, I guess: I have a predisposition to alcohol. Alcohol was always a part of my upbringing, my adolescence, my adulthood. I've struggled with it on-and-off since my late teens/early 20s. Several years will pass (while I still drink) when there are no ill effects to my work, family, friends, or my ability to function mentally/emotionally.
However, about every four years (WTF is that?), I will change jobs, change habits, change where I live...and just change.
Well, here it is 4.5 years later from the last time, and here I am again.
Regarding van Gogh: My whole family is the same way, back to Great-Grandparents and probably beyond. My father just turned 90 a couple of weeks ago...our liver genes just won't give up?he's fit as a fiddle!
Background? I never, ever, was abused as a child. We were a family of artists and musicians, and still are to this day. In order of age:
My oldest sister has a Masters in music from Northwestern in Chicago.
My brother is a symphonic composer.
My sister is a fiction writer.
My brother is agoraphobic, but in his day was a very good writer and sound man.
And I, I am a composer, artist, and writer.
Oh. And my 90 year old Dad? He played his first gig in 1934.
We all have an I.Q. (if you can believe in those tests) around 150.
So is there a correlation between creativity, intelligence, and drug dependence/mental issues?
Case and point?oldest sister is probably not an alcoholic, but suffers from...'suffering'. She's miserable, and, while I'm the most 'Left' person I know, she sounds like the proverbial 'Jewish Mother'... "Oy! I toil for my family...But don't worry about me...you go out and have fun while your mother sits at home suffering..."
Symphonic Composer brother is prone to bouts of sleeping 24/7 depression.
Fiction Writer sister is diagnosed as "Borderline Personality Disorder" (look that up).
Agoraphobic brother is, well, agoraphobic.
And then there's me.
I'm thinking about going on Antabuse, only because there are no 'public programs' in the area where I can dry out for a couple of days. I drink before work, I drink after work. I hide it from my husband (who also drinks) and actually did a 'self-intervention' last week, fessing up to everything. And here I sit by the computer, beer on the desk.
I've got a beer gut. I've gained 15+ lbs in 3 years. I went part-time at my job to go to school (my job really sucks btw). I started school, and as of today, I dropped my two classes. I'm trying to start my own business (again). I feel like shit, and am not exercising. I just want to be 'put away' for awhile, and emerge like a butterfly out of its cocoon.
Any non-judgmental words of wisdom would be appreciated.
Thanks all~~~
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