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[woody14]

I am a 47 year old woman with a great job, my own house, fabulous friends and a worsening alcohol problem. I started drinking when I was 15 years old and immediately fell in love with the feeling of confidence and social acceptance that I had never felt before. I have basically been binge drinking ever since. I have done a lot of risky things over the years from sexual encounters to driving intoxicated to just embarrassing behavior. I can go 1, 2 even 5 days without drinking but as soon as the weekend rolls the first stop Friday afternoon is the liquor store and then it doesn't stop until Sunday evening. I spend at least part of every weekend hung over, blackouts are not uncommon and I waste time that I could use so much more productively. I get really pissed when I think of all the time and money I've spent on alcohol. So today is Monday and after another wild weekend I am determined to be alcohol free for at least a week as an initial goal. The tempting thing is my friends and I have a great time when we drink and the holidays can be the worst with all the parties. I don't know that I can achieve abstinence but I at least have to try.

[tlrgs]

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welcome and thanks for sharing and awesome on your first step forward is looking for help and you found a great site for surport and understanding .. yeah the hardest times are the holidays ...but you have to commit to it... keep your guard up do whats right for you and only you ... stay strong and keep posting and reading .. you will find your way out .. best of luck to you and we are here for one another let do this together

[woody14]

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thanks

Thanks for the words of encouragement. It's appreciated. After VERY stressful days at work the first thing I want to do is relax and have a glass of wine so reprogramming my habits is first priority.

[mama bear]

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Woody,
welcome to our family. Come join the Newbies Nest, or another welcoming place is, "Get your Ass in gear". You will lots of love, acceptance and support and maybe some gentle ass kicking if you need it!!

[Topsy-Turvy-Tracy]

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Welcome Woody. It sounds like you have a good initial plan and a life that's well worth protecting. Good for you. Please stick around; there's lots of good information and support here.

[Choochie]

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:welcome:Woody, welcome. Hope you can take the time to read and post here, as it will help you. Be sure to visit other threads especially under Just Starting Out so others can find you.

Choochie

[woody14]

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Thanks to all. After a crazy day at work and feeling like crap (vicious head cold) on top of it all I wanted to do was go out for a drink and some dinner. I didn't want to risk going out so came home to my dogs. I am not sure what my social life will look like without alcohol since I've never really done that. I do have a lot to protect and cringe when I think about how many times I've jeopardized all of it. I am so lucky to still have all I do and not have hurt anyone in the process. I can't imagine going to AA meetings but this has been very helpful.

[Choochie]

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Hi Woody - I think you're wise to stay away from social settings for as long as you can. If you can get a chunk of time under your belt, you might be more reluctant to compromise it.

Remember that you will always have problems but that al is a temporary fix. Being sober is wonderful if you can just hold on for a while. It does get easier.

Hugs,
Choochie:l

[Lights Out]

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been there...

I can really relate, woody... I'm 39 and have been a binge drinker for over 20 years - can go days not drinking, and then after a long day of work, I start with just one glass of wine, and it snowballs. After a rough weekend, or a particularly embarrassing blackout, it's easy to feel the resolve that you can keep it under control for the next few days, but then it's like you "forget" that it's a problem and start the cycle over again. I ended up here last April after a blackout in New Orleans where I almost lost my long-term boyfriend. I came back here a few weeks ago when I ended up in jail - no memory of how I got there. I've never been in trouble with the law, but with all the nights where I'd forget what happened, I'm surprised it hadn't happened sooner.

I've tried coming on here regularly, to keep reminding myself that I can't handle alcohol like a normal person, to keep myself from the selective memory that gets me into trouble.

It's back to Friday, so I hope you're able to have a good, non-hungover weekend! I had one glass of wine tonight, then stopped. But I'm traveling from work, so not around my friends that drink - that makes it much easier. Let us know how you're doing moderating or abstaining, whichever you decide on! It's hard to change a habit of a lifetime!

[woody14]

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same story

Our stories are so similar! You're right I would do something stupid, silly, embarrassing be horrified with myself for 3,4 maybe 5 days but then the memory fades and its back at it. I can also have 1-2 glasses of wine but then there are times when I have absolutely no control to stop. My job also requires that I go out socially fairly frequently and I have really great friends 1-2 that don't drink but the rest party at least as much as I do. I have also had some wonderful times when drinking has been involved but now the blackouts are increasing and since I just turned 47 it's a reality check that I need to take care of myself better. So I've been AF since Monday after a crazy weekend with the girls and now I'm totally BORED with myself. Not that I don't have plenty of things to keep me busy I just feel like I'm inside my head way too much. I did stay in and go to bed early last night so ready for today. I would love to be able to figure out moderation again but I'm just not sure right now. My immediate goal is my first sober weekend in a VERY long time. Thanks for sharing it feels good to be able ot "talk" to someone.:thanks:

[greeneyes]

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Welcome woody! I'm on my way out the door but wanted to send you a message of strength and determination for today. No drinking... just for today. You can do it just today!! I know you can! Rooting for you!

[Choochie]

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Hi Again Woody and Welcome Lights Out:welcome:

Just wanted to say that you are in the right place for support and I and others will do all we can to help you. If you're bored, you can spend hours a day on this website researching and learning. Even if you're not bored, I would encourage you to read as much as you can. The information is spread around, so it takes some time but is well worth it. I stopped drinking 47 days ago and have never been happier or felt better. I don't mean to say I don't have problems or feel bored at times, but the whole world just functions better if you can give yourself the gift of some sober time.

You might want to consider posting on some different threads. People aren't quite as likely to find you here.

Anyway, let us know what we can do to help. Here are a few links that might be a good start for you.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ing-22609.html

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ery-45921.html

Excellent Article:

Many of the problems associated with early sobriety do not stem directly from drugs and alcohol. Instead, they are associated with physical and psychological changes that occur after the chemicals have left our bodies. When we use, our brains actually undergo physical change to cope with the presence of the drug in our body. When we remove the drugs, our brains then demand more to satisfy the desire caused by the changes. The extreme symptoms that we experience immediately after we stop using are called ?acute withdrawal.?
Acute withdrawal, unfortunately, is not the whole story. Our bodies make initial adjustments to the absence of the drug, and the major symptoms ease up. However, the changes that have occurred in our brains need time to revert back to their original state (to the extent that they ever do). During the period of time while this is occurring, they can cause a variety of problems known as Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome

Rest of Articlewell worth reading)

Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) ? Why we don?t get better immediately) ? Digital Dharma

Choochie:l

[papmom3]

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Hi Woody-fellow dog lover here!! I know where you're coming from and let me tell you, as you get older, the socializing will stop, the drinking will get worse and you'll be doing it in isolation. Not a question of IF it will happen but WHEN. So, if you can stop now, you've got a good head start on me. One of my main motivators for being AF are my animals. I was totally negleting them. There would be nights I would forget to feed them because I would just pass out and then crawl to bed when I woke. I would forget to let them out for last potty and get pissed when there was shit and pee all over the place. I also wasn't walking them AT ALL. I thought they were fine in the backyard (fenced in). Now that I am 6 months AF, they get walked twice a day, sometimes we even jog. I compete in agility on the weekends which I could never do if I was still drinking-all I could manage was once a week training sessions. As far as being bored-all of a sudden there is so much to do around the house that I let lie for decades. I never once painted my bedroom. Dishes would go unwashed for days. Laundry piled up. Too busy drinking. Anything that got done had to be done before 5pm on Sat or Sun. I wouldn't drink before that. But if I was too hungover (which was becoming more and more frequent), forget about it. You see, alcholism really is a progressive disease. Maybe when we were younger we could drink everyone under the table. But there comes a time when our bodies can't handle it anymore but we crave it worse than ever. One drink is too much and 100 isn't enough. Or something like that.
I am not involved formally in AA. I've been to one meeting. I do lurk on the AA thread and I've joined the Big Book thread. Many people here do not believe in AA and many do. Its a personal choice.
I hope you find your reason and motivation to quit before you hit bottom. I just wanted to share mine.
:l

[Choochie]

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PM - so happy to see you out and about on these threads. That's the first time I've read anything about your story!

Hugs,
Choochie:l

[techie]

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Hi Woodie & a late welcome from me. I see you have already received some great advice. I wish you the best of luck. We all deserve sobriety and happiness. Looking foward to getting to know you better. John