I have suffered with drug and alcohol abuse since I was 15.
It use to be marijuana and alcohol. Now it is just the alcohol. When I was 21 I drank drove. I smashed my car into a retainer wall. Thankfully, I was the only one in the car and I did not hit any other car or person. I was in intensive care. When I came through a nun said that God still required me to do work on this Earth. I thought she was crazy. Not even this accident could take away my sceptism for this world, and my own self-loathing and hatred, despite a terrible head injury.
I suffered with depression from a very young age, but only got treatment when I was in my late teens. I have been on anti-depressants since I was 18 and I am now 33. My doctor advises that I should treat my depression like diabetes. It is something that I can not control on my own, but can stay well with medication. (My carefully supervised attempts at withdrawal from antidepressants have always been short lived as my dives into suicidal thoughts, paranoia and panic attacks overwhelm me again.)
I have managed to maintain a hold on life. I have got my degree, I have held down jobs and I participate in the community. I have kids which I very rarely drink in front of. When they are asleep I get the bottle out and start to binge. I will drink until blackout and find myself on couch or delivered to my bed by hubby. I'm lucky (or unlucky) as I rarely get hang overs.
My brain uses every emotion to bring on a drinking session: "you've had a hard day you deserve a drink"; "you've had a great day, a drink would top it off"; "oh you managed through that meeting fabulously, you should have a drink"; "your highly anxious tonight you need a drink"; "I need sleep, the drink will help" etc etc etc.
I've tried to stop drinking on many occassions. Usually I last a week, the weekend comes and I say "bugger that I'm having a drink". The reasons I don't want to drink are because I am on medications for Rheumatoid Arthritis, they affect my liver, the alcohol will kill my liver even quicker; I don't want my kids to see my addiction and develop similar coping mechanisms; I want to live.
I've come here to MWO to get the support that I can't get anywhere else. I'm having trouble getting a handle on the forums as there is so much available.... but I'm throwing myself in anyway. I so want to end this cycle of drinking and enjoy a long and properous life. I hope I meet some online pals that I can support and they can support me.
Much love, Sarah:groupluv:
It use to be marijuana and alcohol. Now it is just the alcohol. When I was 21 I drank drove. I smashed my car into a retainer wall. Thankfully, I was the only one in the car and I did not hit any other car or person. I was in intensive care. When I came through a nun said that God still required me to do work on this Earth. I thought she was crazy. Not even this accident could take away my sceptism for this world, and my own self-loathing and hatred, despite a terrible head injury.
I suffered with depression from a very young age, but only got treatment when I was in my late teens. I have been on anti-depressants since I was 18 and I am now 33. My doctor advises that I should treat my depression like diabetes. It is something that I can not control on my own, but can stay well with medication. (My carefully supervised attempts at withdrawal from antidepressants have always been short lived as my dives into suicidal thoughts, paranoia and panic attacks overwhelm me again.)
I have managed to maintain a hold on life. I have got my degree, I have held down jobs and I participate in the community. I have kids which I very rarely drink in front of. When they are asleep I get the bottle out and start to binge. I will drink until blackout and find myself on couch or delivered to my bed by hubby. I'm lucky (or unlucky) as I rarely get hang overs.
My brain uses every emotion to bring on a drinking session: "you've had a hard day you deserve a drink"; "you've had a great day, a drink would top it off"; "oh you managed through that meeting fabulously, you should have a drink"; "your highly anxious tonight you need a drink"; "I need sleep, the drink will help" etc etc etc.
I've tried to stop drinking on many occassions. Usually I last a week, the weekend comes and I say "bugger that I'm having a drink". The reasons I don't want to drink are because I am on medications for Rheumatoid Arthritis, they affect my liver, the alcohol will kill my liver even quicker; I don't want my kids to see my addiction and develop similar coping mechanisms; I want to live.
I've come here to MWO to get the support that I can't get anywhere else. I'm having trouble getting a handle on the forums as there is so much available.... but I'm throwing myself in anyway. I so want to end this cycle of drinking and enjoy a long and properous life. I hope I meet some online pals that I can support and they can support me.
Much love, Sarah:groupluv:
Comment