Another Newbie

[Judestir]

Hi All

Hmmmm never thought I would find myself here. I am a point in my life where I have realized that I am losing control. Not a nice feeling at all. I am a high functioning drinker who wonders how good life could really be without the nightly 4-8 drinks. I am able to drink a couple of strong rum and cokes and follow that up with a bottle of red wine every night. I get up with no hang over (groggy maybe), am able to workout and go about my work day like nothing has happened. I don't hide what I drink, but because I can still carry on with my regular life others don't see my drinking as a problem. Actually most of them want to join me.

It is controlling me!! My life stops around 4pm because that is the time I am allowed to start consuming. So there is no evening events for me. After 4pm it is TV, make dinner, drink...in any order. I don't get silly, fall down drunk, but nonetheless, I am stoned. Why does no one notice??? Maybe they are just so use to seeing me this way. I NOTICE, or I would not do it. I like the buzz feeling that booze gives me. I quit drinking for a week a while back just to see if I could and my husband did not even notice. Am I that good at hiding it???

I had a very stressful year last year and to try to calm my anxiety I took up meditation. I have now been meditating daily for over a year. I mention this because before I meditate I read over a list of intentions and desires. Under the heading of Heath and Well Being I have
1. Healthy body, healthy mind
2. Improved memory
3. 155 pounds the healthy way
4. great sleep and high energy throughout the day
5. no stress
6. daily joy
7. foot fungus gone (I added this one not long ago)

Well the funny thing about this is that I went to a dermatoligist,who has put me on a medication for my foot fungus and has told me that if I try this method I can not drink for 3 months. I laughed and grinned the rest of the day. So, if I take the meds I can not drink. If I can not drink, I will have an improved memerory, better sleeep and higher energy thourghout the day. More sleep and energy will bring on more joy and less stress. Less stress and more joy will bring about a healthier body and mind. And as for the weight loss, well I guess I could slip that in anywhere. This world works in funny ways!

So the way I look at it is that I have everything to gain and nothing to lose (except weight).

I am on day three and am doing pretty darn good. I have read both MWO and The Easy Way to Stop Drinking. I have a couple of others to read also. I have just finished reading the Tool box and have visited the safety of the Nest . The information on this site is amazing, as are all the people. I hope you all know that you are not only supporting the people who are members, but also thousands who are probably lurking. I am grateful that I have found you all!!!

I was thinking today would be a good day to get some suppliments and maybe order the CDs.

I hate to say it (like so many others), but I think this stop drinking has to be an all or nothing gig for me. I don't want to drink just one drink......that would defeat the purpose. Even if I am capable of drinking one drink, why would I want to? I drink for the buzzz! I drink to take away the bordom! I drink becasue it is a habbit! I drink because I have been taught to do so! I drink becasue my body wants it, I drink becasue I don't know any better.

It is my hope that I am able to go my 3 months AF and afterwards have a really good look at myself. Reassess...how do I feel, how do I look??. I really am curious what life will be like without my crutch. It has been so long.

But for now..........day 3 here I come. :new:

I am sorry my first post is so disjointed. I just wrote my thoughts as they popped into my head.

Have a wonder AF day

PS the spell check didn't work so...it is what it is.

[Nailz]

Another Newbie

your story is so similar to mine, I am encouraged just by your positivity, thank you

[Chillgirl]

Another Newbie

:welcome: Jude
Im so glad you found us and that you have done all the right things to put a plan into place.
I too was a fuctioning addict, usually not drinking until 6pm, going to the gym in the morning before work etc. We think we are fuctioning until we sample the alternative and I now love how I feel every morning. Working out is now a joy not a punishment for drinking and my energy levels are great as is my sleep.

More than anything the depression and anxiety has gone, so has the dehydrated skin and bloating and I am a much more rational and balanced preson. I wish you much strength on your journey and look forward to seeing around the boards.

[KundaliniGirl]

Another Newbie

Jude, just wanted to welcome you.:welcome:

I have to agree with Chill - you will notice a huge difference in how you function/feel/relate to life, etc. once you stop drinking for a while (even if you are high-functioning now). Your three-month period of not being able to drink because of medication will be a perfect way for you to give yourself the AF time you need.

Incidentially, I have read that people who can drink like you can are in the greatest danger of being alcoholic. So, keep in mind that even though you're doing "ok" now, you could get worse because alcoholism is progressive!

Best of luck.

KG

[Judestir]

Another Newbie

Hi Nailz, do you have a plan of attack? Nice to meet you.

Thanks for the welcome Chill. It makes a lot of sense that if I can function this well while drinking, who knows what i am capable once i am AF. I won't know the othere side until I get there and at this point I am feeling very positive. I might just be an amazing person on the other side LOL

Hi KG , I hear you on the warning. I just watched Rain in My Heart and it broke my heart and left me with a feeling of dread. I know that I am not immune and that I, or anyone can end up where these people found themselves. No one chooses addiction.....it is a slippery slide.

I know that I feel positive and on track now/today, what scares me a bit is the thought of 2 weeks from now or 2 months from now. Like a diet, you feel pumped in the beginning then slowly the enthusiasum slips away. I want to hold onto this feeling that I am doing the right thing and that I can do it.

Thanks for your replies and your warm welcome.
Judestir

[Flossie]

Another Newbie

Dear Jude,

I am sure you must be my long lost twin as we sound so alike, only thing is you have kicked your habit and mine is still with me but I am feeling stronger every day about quitting and I will so watch this space.
I think you are amazing at giving up keep up the good work won`t you.
Love Flo x :goodjob:

[BzzBee62]

Another Newbie

Hi Jude, and welcome!

I am also a highly-functioning addict, although I put less restraint on drinking times. Basically if I felt like knocking back a few beers at 10:00 AM while working, there was nothing stopping me, and I was able to get on with the job while inebriated (probably less than perfect performance, but well enough to get by). I consumed several pints of beer and several shots of vodka or cognac every single day for a few years, hardly ever had a hangover, and was guzzling alcohol increasingly until I finally realized that I was headed down a slippery slope... So here I am, on day 6 of my quit. I'm not sure if I'll go completely AF or try the mod route, but for the mo it's AF and I'm already feeling a lot better.

All that to say I'm sure you'll find lots of people just like you on here, and loads of people to help and support you. So far, I'm very impressed with this place!

Bzz.

[Judestir]

Another Newbie

Ohhh Flo

I wish it were so. Nothing is kicked as of yet. I think am on the right path (otherwise I would choose another) but I have a long ways to go. I am just hoping the journey is not to painful and tough. Sometimes the best rewards come from the toughest obsticles. I was going to say battle, but I don't want to think of quitting as being such a negitive thing. As Alan Carr would say...this choice to be AF is all good!! It is a win win situation.

How nice to have a twin. I will look forward to your posts.
Judestir

[Judestir]

Another Newbie

Hi Bzzzzzz

I am impressed with the site too. Congrats on your 6 days AF!!! I'm right behind you and holding on.

Like most of the posters I have read, I too would love to Mod. For me though, I just dont' think that can happen. I honestly don't want one glass of wine. It is like why have it. The idea is to get the buzz and to sustain it for the whole evening ( I am never designated driver). I don't drink for the taste, I drink for the affect. I went to spin class today and worked my ass off. I figure if I am there for the hour, give it my all!! Great feeling when it is healthy for you, not so good when it's drinking poison.

Hahaha here I go rambleing again. Anyways nice to meet you Bzzzzz. Keep at er and so will I.
Judestir

[Chillgirl]

Another Newbie

Jude they say the road without obstacles leads no where......
Don't worry about 2 weeks or 2 months time, as long as you can do it today that's what counts.

[Judestir]

Another Newbie

Thanks Chill........I can do it today!!

[mylife]

Another Newbie

Hello Jude!

Wow, it sounds like a lot of us resonate with your story! Mine could be identical -- except skip the rum and cokes -- just a bottle of wine each night was fine for me. I completely relate to the "stoned" feeling and hubby rarely noticing! I am doing this for me, and I already feel so much better (day 10 today). I'm so glad you're joining in!

By the way, what is that medication you can't drink with? That would be a good excuse if I'm out with friends and say I can't drink...!! (Still working on that one)

[Judestir]

Another Newbie

Hey ML
I wrote a long post and lost it some how. I'm still trying to get use to this I pad. Congrats on your ten days AF....that is fabulous!

The drug is called Nova-Terbinafine and is for a foot fungus. The dr. Knew how much I was drinking(well almost) so I think he thought he would kill two birds with one stone. No where on the package does it say no alcohol and the pharmacist did not say a thing when he explained the drug to me. So maybe the no booze rule on this drug only holds true for those who are abusing. Honesty got me exactly what I wanted ....A Way Out! I laughed all the way home.

I told my GP that I drank a bottle of wine a day and he didn't seem to think it was such a big deal. He just asked me if I ever drank when I got up in the morning. I said no and he said ...ok then. I am very surprised he left it there. Thank goodness for the foot fungus. It will make the first three months easier to tell people I am on meds therefore not drinking, but I know for myself that I am doing this for myself. I don't have to be on this medication...I choose to.

Have a great evening everyone

[Judestir]

Another Newbie

Ohh I forgot to mention that I do have to have my liver checked every six weeks while on these meds so there is a slight risk involved and I am sure an even bigger risk for an every day drinker.

[Flossie]

Another Newbie

Dear Twinney lol

I have sent you a private message as I feel bad about giving advice to you for others to read when I haven`t given up myself yet pot,kettle,black lol.

love Flo x