Hi my name is Jannie.
I have recently completely screwed up after having what I thought was really strong sobriety for 2 1/2 years.
I got sober with AA, I went to AA absolutely broken and empty and because I could find no other solution. I enjoyed the meetings and the sharing/support aspect but right from the begining i had a real problem relating to the philosiphy. I just could not believe in the higher power concept, the talk of god and the inceessant need to keep going back over the past. Even whilst I sat there I felt a hypocrite, So i stopped going to meetings about a year ago. (I'm sorry if this offends anyone, I know it works well for many)
In september I met up with a woman I knew from the rooms and she told me that she had been drinking "moderately" for a few months. She said it had eased all the tensions in her marraige (husband is heavy drinker) and that she had started to enjoy socialising so much more, and all was well under control.
Sure you can imagine how this effected my mindset. My husband was still drinking and this caused a lot of friction for us. I had begun to hate socialising and was dreading christmas.
So I thought, perhaps I could do that, just take the occasional glass of something nice in a social way.
My head was never quiet, perhaps I was not an alcoholic but had just got into a pattern of abusing Alcohol.
Well you can all guess where this is going, i tried that ocasional glass over Christmas and new year and for a few days it worked. Within a week i was obsessing all the time about when I could get that next drink. Within 2 weeks i was regularly drunk to the vomiting and blackout stage.
Here I am back at the begining, I have no doubt how much better my life is without Alcohol. I am heartbroken that I lost that sobriety and that I did not recognise the value of it. I was a much happier person sober, much closere to the person I want to be. :new:
However, I do not want to go back to AA - thats how i found my way here.
I hope I can find what I neeed here.
kind regards to all
Jannie
I have recently completely screwed up after having what I thought was really strong sobriety for 2 1/2 years.
I got sober with AA, I went to AA absolutely broken and empty and because I could find no other solution. I enjoyed the meetings and the sharing/support aspect but right from the begining i had a real problem relating to the philosiphy. I just could not believe in the higher power concept, the talk of god and the inceessant need to keep going back over the past. Even whilst I sat there I felt a hypocrite, So i stopped going to meetings about a year ago. (I'm sorry if this offends anyone, I know it works well for many)
In september I met up with a woman I knew from the rooms and she told me that she had been drinking "moderately" for a few months. She said it had eased all the tensions in her marraige (husband is heavy drinker) and that she had started to enjoy socialising so much more, and all was well under control.
Sure you can imagine how this effected my mindset. My husband was still drinking and this caused a lot of friction for us. I had begun to hate socialising and was dreading christmas.
So I thought, perhaps I could do that, just take the occasional glass of something nice in a social way.
My head was never quiet, perhaps I was not an alcoholic but had just got into a pattern of abusing Alcohol.
Well you can all guess where this is going, i tried that ocasional glass over Christmas and new year and for a few days it worked. Within a week i was obsessing all the time about when I could get that next drink. Within 2 weeks i was regularly drunk to the vomiting and blackout stage.
Here I am back at the begining, I have no doubt how much better my life is without Alcohol. I am heartbroken that I lost that sobriety and that I did not recognise the value of it. I was a much happier person sober, much closere to the person I want to be. :new:
However, I do not want to go back to AA - thats how i found my way here.
I hope I can find what I neeed here.
kind regards to all
Jannie
you ve found an alternative to AA,i to have been thro AA for a lot of years,i actually miss the people i met there,there are reason for the way they are,it even states in the book,it is not for all, it wasnt for me,but i would never knock them,as far as screwing up,that is in the eye of the beholder,:upset:you ll lern tht society will never change,it is up to you to find an alternative as you said,within a week you were drinking and being sick,:upset:the addiction you have can be controlled,for me i had to research,why i was the way i was ,knowin why i am this way has taken years ,
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