How pathetic have I become?

[Softy]

I do not believe how low I have stooped. I fell in love with a junior direct report - she Is 26 me 44. This is completely unrequited but she is so nice to me that I became obsessed. She has never made any move to suggest interest but the AL has made me twist everything in my mind. She now has a new boyfriend and I feel like death. I am married 17 years this year. I have been pretending my marriage is on the rocks to take the young lady into my confidence so we can have quiet intimate chats. The sad thing is that my marriage is now really on the rocks because I am drinking so much to dull the pain of obsession. So today is day one AF. No more sleep issues, liver pains, depression, weight gain etc I am an alcoholic but this is my way out I intend to get my life back and stop being a pathetic excuse of a man.

[RedJib]

How pathetic have I become?

Don't kick yourself; it's all part of the 'magical thinking' that accompanies our substance dependence. You seem to have figured out that you're on a path to nowhere except more pain, loss, and humiliation; that is surely the first step towards achieving your goal. Now, is it maybe time to reframe the goal from "I'm not going to be 'a pathetic excuse of a man,'" to "I want to be and I will be xxxxxxx...."
That shift in thinking can be a motivator for an action plan towards change.

[Softy]

How pathetic have I become?

I want to be a non drinker I want to be able to sleep I want to gain control of my thinking Starting today Satrting now I want people to respect me first and like me second

[sunshinetoday]

How pathetic have I become?

Hello Softy,

I see that you have a couple of things on your plate. You first have your addiction to deal with, then your relationship with your wife, and maybe other things in the background. That is a lot at once. I commend you for taking a step in the right direction. There is a lot of support here. I know for myself each day I take one day at a time. I wish you luck.

Sunshineday

[Jolie]

How pathetic have I become?

Softy,

By coming here and telling your story - admitting that you have a problem and how it is affecting your life, you have taken the first step down the road to finding yourself again. Once you get the AL out of your system, you can concentrate first on yourself - make that your priority - taking it one day at a time if necessary to keep the demon (AL) at bay.

I know in my own situation, my relationships are so much better - AL did terrible things to the ones around me and they didn't even know why!

Stick around and read/post - whatever you need to do to get thru this - we are all here for you!