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[Judestir]

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My heart dropped for you Dee, I am so sorry you had a bad day. (((hugs)))

[Dee2008]

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Hey,
I'm back. Just a temporary set back. Got my book today, "change your life in 7 days". Started reading it but it's quite deep and my head is sooooooooo tired. Your concerns touched my heart and i just wanted you to know I was still here and not totally given up on myself. Still trying to do and say things that I'm not normally comfortable with and it is a bit easier than before. My son went to his friends visitation and funeral tonight, he seems OK. He said there was a picture slide show and one of the pictures was of just the two of them and the rest were just family pictures. I told him that I thought that made him a special part of his friends life for them to use that picture. Anyway enough of the sad stuff. I'm going to go work out and then go to bed and maybe read a little more.
Thanks and much love, Dee

[Doggygirl]

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Hi Dee. Sorry to read about the fighting and drinking the other night. Is there still booze at your house? If you are serious about wanting to stop drinking, I suggest getting the booze out of the house. If it's "your husband's booze" then I would suggest maybe talking to him to see if he is willing to support your effort by agreeing to remove all the booze from the house, at least for now. That was a necessary step for me.

In my own experience, what I did was far more important than what I said I was going to do. I could have stood on the roof in a Wonder Woman Costume screaming "Ill never drink again!!" at the top of my lungs and it wouldn't have meant squat. NOT DRINKING is what convinced the people around me that I wasn't drinking.

I have to not drink one day at a time. A few days or weeks of not drinking didn't convince anyone that I had stopped. I had to just keep plugging along one day at a time and be patient and wait for everyone to relax and just begin to believe that I didn't drink yesterday, and I probably wouldn't drink today. That doesn't take words. It takes time.

Will your husband patiently wait? I have no idea. What I DO know is that in my case, I had to quit drinking in order to get my life back. It didn't really matter what other people decided to do.

I hope you will decide to quit drinking for yourself first. I hope you will be willing to do WHATEVER it takes to stop drinking. Change your friends. Change the things you do. Be humble enough and honest enough to see the severity of the problem. Be willing to take action to stop, even if you have to do uncomfortable things.

I may not always get what I want in my life today, but I'm getting a lot of good stuff and that was simply not happening at the end of my drinking career. I wish you the same.

DG

[Dee2008]

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Hey,

I'm back after several months of not doing anything I promised myself or my husband. I've spent the last 8 months thinking I was doing ok. We took 2 week long vacations this summer on our bike. Very fun. I drank, we never fought once. I don't get it. This past week end we had a fight. I was drunk and stupid. I'm scared because everything we do revolves around drinking. All our friends drink. Do I just stay away from everyone? How do I do this? I really don't expect anyone to give me an answer, I know I have to work it out by myself in my own head and in my own way. It's just so hard.
Dee

[Supercrew]

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Hi Dee,

Sorry to hear you had 8 more months of drinking after your initial posts. I understand your problem being that I lived it for the better part of 23 years. I was the weekend binger who half the time was OK when I drank, (got loaded and didn't screw up and hurt myself or anybody), and then the other half of the time I would get loaded and get in a fight or wreck a car or piss my wife off. This went on for a long time. But instead of quitting drinking I made the decision, after seeing that I could not consistantly moderate and stay out of trouble, that I would drink all of the time and increase my tolerance. Basically if I was always buzzed the wife would never be able to accuse me of being drunk, because I would always be drunk.

My experiment lasted about 4-5 years, and it ended with me in the ER detoxing. I now do not drink...because it will physically kill me if I do. It is strange looking back and seeing all the effort I put in over that time period to basically stay drunk. I never thought I could have fun without drinking. I never thought I could enjoy life without drinking. I hate to say it but drinking was more important to me than my wife or my family. I lived to drink.

Well guess what I have now been sober for over a year and it was the greatest decision I ever made. But you see, my wife could not make that decision for me, and my parents could not make that decision for me, and my kids couldn't make that decision for me. I had to decide that I was not going to drink ever again. Until you choose to stay sober and make an effort to not drink you will not quit drinking. All of my friends and family still drink. I still go to events and parties and functions where alcohol is served. And guess what I don't drink, and no one else even cares. My life has always revolved around drinking for 27 years. But the reality is although my life revolved around drinking and every event had alcohol and every friend drinks, nothing else really revolved around drinking except me and my perception. While others would go to the event or the party and they might have some drinks, drinking was always my main focus. I was going to drink, if something else like a conversation or dancing would come up I would do it, but not until I got my main purpose accomplished...getting drunk.

Well for the last year or so I did all of the same stuff with all of the same friends sober. I still have fun because I now believe I can have fun without getting drunk. People like me and respect me more, because I am not the drunk ass at every event, and I realized that the only thing that really revolved around drinking was my brain. Now I am 10 times healthier, I am not as depressed, and I truly enjoy life without alcohol. I hope it doesn't take 5 years as a full blown alcoholic and a couple of trips to the ER for you to see that life without drinking is the easiest option, and once you accept it and embrace it you will enjoy it and benefit from it.

Good luck, and remember if I can live life sober anyone can.

[Dee2008]

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Thank you for that. I understand. There will be parties this week for the holiday-my goal is to get through them with no drinking for me.
Dee

[slowly sinking]

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Hi.....my husband just left me last week..that's why I came here....we've been married two years..I'm 47 years old...and I get drunk and take out all my anger on him...BUT, he's also an alcoholic..but a happy drunk...so a bad combination....he left me but it was probably a good thing to get me on a good path...two drunks don't make a good match..I'm getting help..he's not..
I really hope you can find help with this place and all the good people here..that's what I'm looking for...I hope you can keep your marriage together because it looks like you still have alot of hope for that...and he's the love of your life..he's sticking with you...mine didn't have the guts to...you can do this for yourself and for him...you're a good person...good luck...lots of love

[Dee2008]

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My heart goes out to you about your husband leaving but it sounds like you have it in perspective and that you couldn't better yourself if he had stayed. I want all to go well for you.
I don't understand what we are angry about that when we get drunk comes out from inside of us though??? I'm not angry in my everyday life at anyone and especially not him.
I have made up my mind to do this for me this time. Yes he is my life and always will be but I think I'm taking on too much by trying to fix my marriage when I have yet to fix myself. I have made plans to get me through tomorrow and Thursday without having to be around alcohol much. The weekend I will most likely be around a lot of drinking people and this is when I will have to be strong for me. Everybody has a slip up and I've had a lot of them. Yes I have disappointed him but I have disappointed myself as well. I'm not going to lie because I do have thoughts of 'maybe I can eventually figure out where this hidden anger comes from and fix it and then I can drink and we will never fight again. Or maybe I can just drink beer and only 6 of them and stop'. But that's not reality I have rarely been able to continue that for very long, and I can truly see that. Just that nagging crap that goes in and out of my head from time to time. And I can't help but think I should have seen this coming because I was feeling so happy and secure in us and that is when things go from fantastic to shitty in one day. Right now I feel that if he and I do grow apart, more than we have already, and don't make it because I'm not drinking then maybe we weren't really meant to be a together forever kind of love, but at least we won't hate each other in the end and maybe we can part on a friendly basis. I love him and I miss him right now and we still live in the same house. It can't be that much harder if he were no longer here could it? Maybe right now I'm just sad and thinking wrong, I don't even know anymore. I tried to talk about how I feel to him but he gets angry with me and then I'm scared to say anything in fear we will fight some more, it's a vicious scary circle to me and so I clam up and don't say anything which makes it even worse. I feel lonely and raw on the inside but I guess if I didn't feel that I would be the cold hearted person he believes me to be. That's all I have for now.
Thank you,
Dee

[Dee2008]

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I've made it through Wednesday, Thursday and Friday being around many people drinking without drinking myself. It's been a week since I drank any. I feel okay. Not great. Tonight there will be more of the same and then there will be Sunday with the friends who love to drink early in the day at our place. I try to stay away from them but they want to visit. Then they want me to drink. I don't tell them I've quit, just say I'm taking a much needed break. Anyway it's rough and I'm sad but try not to show it and try to have fun but I find some of the drunk people very annoying telling me the same crap over and over. My daughter is home for a visit from college until Sunday and she helps me a lot. I'll see how the week end goes and then I'll be fine all week keeping busy at work. I'm just going to throw this out there and see if anyone has had something similar. My husband who wants me to quit and has told me this so many times in the past actually brought me a rum and coke and sat it in front of me last night. He had told me earlier in the night to have a drink and I said I didn't want to. What is up with that? I didn't drink it. Was it a test or what? I'm confused about it. Then this morning he asked me if I wanted to go with him to have a bloody mary. I stayed home and got on here. Crazy shit I say. Gonna go 4 now.
Dee

[Nelz]

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Dee2008;1215550 wrote: I've made it through Wednesday, Thursday and Friday being around many people drinking without drinking myself. It's been a week since I drank any. I feel okay. Not great. Tonight there will be more of the same and then there will be Sunday with the friends who love to drink early in the day at our place. I try to stay away from them but they want to visit. Then they want me to drink. I don't tell them I've quit, just say I'm taking a much needed break. Anyway it's rough and I'm sad but try not to show it and try to have fun but I find some of the drunk people very annoying telling me the same crap over and over. My daughter is home for a visit from college until Sunday and she helps me a lot. I'll see how the week end goes and then I'll be fine all week keeping busy at work. I'm just going to throw this out there and see if anyone has had something similar. My husband who wants me to quit and has told me this so many times in the past actually brought me a rum and coke and sat it in front of me last night. He had told me earlier in the night to have a drink and I said I didn't want to. What is up with that? I didn't drink it. Was it a test or what? I'm confused about it. Then this morning he asked me if I wanted to go with him to have a bloody mary. I stayed home and got on here. Crazy shit I say. Gonna go 4 now.
Dee

Well, good for you Dee! You have managed almost 4 days, that is a wonderful job!!

If you can rack up four, you can do eight, sixteen, and so on.............keep at it



You will see many positive changes, in your mind, and your body in very short order.

Stay strong, here's your star
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[mama bear]

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wow Dee, very confusing message from hubs. He does not understand the depth of addiction and that JUST ONE can put us on the Crazy Train...
Bravo for four days, especially around so much booze....I sm not sure I would have made it
Talk to Hubs and explain that you love him to pieces, but to support you right now, please don't plop a drink down in front of you