An encounter with an addiction counsellor

[Hermit]

Hi everyone.
I haven't been around here in a LONG time. I had turned to MWO a couple of years ago when I felt that my drinking was getting out of control. I then fell pregnant - didn't touch alcohol while pregnant or breastfeeding (I breastfed for a year). My son is now nearly 2, and of course, the drinking has escalated again. After a year in therapy, that has changed my life for the better, I finally opened up to my therapist about my drinking. I then visited my doctor, and yesterday, finally, an addiction counsellor.

I should just say here that I live in South Africa. There is very little help to be had in this country for drinking outside of the usual AA spheres. Few doctors know about recent developments in medicine to help control drinking. And of course, this counsellor that I saw yesterday is a full-blown AA devotee.

Within and hour and fifteen minutes, he managed to put me into so many boxes that he most probably has pushed me away. I am not sure I will go back to him. Don't get me wrong - I am fully aware that I have a drinking problem. But here's an example of what pissed me off: He was running through a questionnaire to determine the extent of my problem, and asks "Do you ever drink in the morning?". Me: "No". Him "You mean, not YET". Seriously? And every subsequent question that I answered "no" to, he would echo "Not yet". He diagnosed me with an eating disorder, based on my statement that I do not eat breakfast (never have). The list goes on. And then the usual statement that if I do not accept the 12 steps, I will never succeed in managing my drinking. And that the only medication available to me would be to manage the detox process. Medicine for cravings, according to him, do not exist, and if they do, they do not work as you are substituting one drug for another.

Another thing that got to me was his statement that he would be unable to help me if I did not talk to my partner and family and friends and colleagues about my problem. My desire to deal with this on my own for now was discarded as being completely counterproductive.

I am desperate to tackle my drinking without getting involved with AA. Using a comprehensive strategy that involves my psychologist, an addictions specialist, and anti-craving medication, as well as any other contributing elements. But I seem to be the only person in the whole of South Africa that has ever heard of an approach that does not involve AA.

So I turn back to MWO in an effort to get the support and advice that I need. And to remind myself that I am not completely crazy for wanting to deal with this without involving my family (for now) and by using a comprehensive strategy that includes medical help. So yeah, I'm back, people. Thanks for being here, and for reading this.

[hippie37]

An encounter with an addiction counsellor

Hi Hermit, and welcome back.

It sounds from your post that you feel very frustrated with your current predicament. Even in this country there is sometimes very little support outside of the various fellowships in certain areas. I can only imagine that makes some people feel very helpless when they are looking for alternatives. Things are gradually changing here with the UKRF (UK Recovery Federation) that's been set up to make sure services are offering ALL different routes into recovery and not biased in anyway by certain models of recovery like 12 step or SMART or harm reduction etc. The client has to be seen as an individual and unique. When you look at person centred counselling this is how people are treated; as individuals in their own right and that self empowerment comes through their own realisation and self knowledge of their problems and ways to handle those in the future. It is not a counsellors job to diagnose and give you solutions to your problems. They are there to listen and give you the space for you to come to those conclusions yourself (in person centred counselling).

I went through a 12 step treatment centre (my choice by the way!) where I was counselled through Person centred counselling as well as behavioural counselling and bits of both at times. Yet at one point I was 'diagnosed' and was left feeling that if I didn't see a certain situation in a certain way then I was in denial. It's wasn't nice to feel that someone was telling me to see something in a certain way, when deep down inside I knew it didn't sit right with me. But because I was full of fear and feeling weak I felt I had no option but to see it this way. I've since spoken about this incident with the treatment centre manager who I'm very friendly with today and I actually got an apology from her. That counsellor has since left the treatment centre! (that was before I approached the manager).

Sometimes I feel counsellors bring too much of themselves into the room with you and don't give you enough unconditional positive regard (can't you tell I'm training in counselling!!!!). They don't see you as an individual, that you are unique and multi-dimensional and that your life experiences cannot be diagnosed and categorised into little boxes.

My method of recovery does happen to be AA and that's through my choice today. I tried everything else but couldn't get beyond the delusion and denial. But it doesn't mean that because it's worked for me it's going to work for everyone. At times I do need other people to point out my own stupidity because at times I can't even see it myself!! Anyway Hermit, I just wanted to share that with you because I guess I can understand a little of where you're coming from. I just hope you find something that is going to change your life and make you happy.

Many Blessings
Phil

[Hermit]

An encounter with an addiction counsellor

Thanks Phil - that is certainly comforting to know that some counsellors (in training ) understand that each individual is unique. I certainly didn't feel that way in my session yesterday. I will keep looking for someone that does understand an approach that is centered around the individual. My current psychologist is certainly from that school, so the contrast between her and this new guy was shocking to say the least.

Thanks for the welcome back!

[kaza]

An encounter with an addiction counsellor

Hi Hermit and Welcome
You will find love, friendship, caring and encouragement here on this site, I have only been here a few days and have been totally blown away by the support, caring and friendship that has been offered to me and that I have gladly accepted. What a great place this is to be. All the very best - let's talk again soon. Congratulations in coming back to MWO, I know you won't be sorry. I started out downloading the book "My Way Out" and I found it very inspirational. Have a great day. Kaza

[Hermit]

An encounter with an addiction counsellor

Thanks Kaza

I got the book when I initially joined MWO a couple of years ago. I'll have to see if I can find it - I have really been wanting to read it again and also to have my therapist and doctor read it to understand what I'm going on about.
I appreciate all the support - thanks!

[prancy]

An encounter with an addiction counsellor

Hermit, I hope you find the right combination of treatment options for yourself. I know AA works for many, but certainly not for all. It didn't work for me either although I met some lovely people there. I do think that support is necessary so you don't feel all alone out there in a world of drinkers. I am glad we have MWO forum. Good luck.

[Gaia]

An encounter with an addiction counsellor

Dear Hermit,

Welcome, and I'm sorry to hear about your bad experience with the counselor. Here is a suggestion - check out women for sobriety. There's an onine forum which has helped me tremendously. In that forum is a great post entitled "I am a Yet". The responses from that counselor were demeaning. However, alcoholism is a progressive condition and if we keep drinking lots more bad stuff can and will happen, eventually. Just not Yet.

With love,
T.

[kaza]

An encounter with an addiction counsellor

Hi Hermit
Just thought I'd say Hi and see how you are going/feeling. It's Sunday night and you have been on my mind over the weekend. I do hope you are feeling much better now - and that the next week will bring lovely positive feelings your way. I know exactly how you feel, I think we have all been disallusioned one way or another. I totally relate to you wanting to deal with your problem on your own and not involve others at this stage, because I was and am exactly the same. So Hermit, hang in there, you are doing things your way and the right way. I will always be there to listen and support, as will everyone else on this site. We are so very lucky to have the care, friendship and support from all our wonderful friends here. So goodnight my friend, let's talk again. Love and Sunshine always Kaza x

[bleep]

An encounter with an addiction counsellor

Hi Hermit,

Tiptronic_ct is from SA, he has been successfully prescribed anti-craving meds in that country. Maybe send him a pm and see if he is in a position to help?

Good luck!