My struggle with alcohol began young. I was 13 when I first started drinking on a regular basis, and 14 when I became addicted (still hurts a little to say that). I speant a very long time so drunk I would pass out on my bedroom floor and wake up in the next morning with no memory of why I wasn’t in bed, or what I’d done the night before. Mostly I spent the time in my room, alone. I didn’t have many friends, but would spend hours talking to one guy via msn. He was a year older than me, and an alcoholic who enjoyed emotionally abusing me, and later would exploit me - I am ashamed to admit I allowed him to take indecent images of me via a webcam whilst under the influence. My mother was largely absent having found a new partner and my father had been out of the picture for some time. When my mothers new man left her she was a mess, she had suffered from bipolar disorder from a young age and stressful situations send her to pieces. I would drink with her to cheer her up.
Life continued this way for a while until in my late teens things went badly wrong. I don’t remember what happened in full that day, I had finally found happiness in a relationship )with the same boy who once abused me who had now cleaned up his act), but I was anxious, our early friendship still played on my mind. I went out one afternoon and almost never came back. I woke up in hospital, with no clue where I was. My mother stopped me from drinking for two days… and then I started again, just a little less than before. The fact I could survive near death and resume such a habit shocks me to this day. I drank my way through another year, I humiliated my boyfriend at parties on many occasions, turning up already drunk, vomiting and making a fool of myself. I was a joke.
Eventually I found out what I was doing to him, and resolved to get sober. That time was possibly one of the happiest times in my life, I managed 30 days completely sober, something I had not achieved since I was 12. I successfully moderated afterwards for nearly a year, and then things went wrong again.
At the time I still lived at home. My sister had been showing signs of depression for some time, but it still came as a shock when she was admitted to a psychiatric unit. I found out a month later she had been raped by somebody I considered a close friend. By the time she was released from the hospital some months later my brother had developed a drug addiction, and I myself was back on the booze. For two years my sister was in and out of hospital being treated for depression, then being diagnosed with bipolar. My brothers drug problem escalated and he begun stealing from the family in order to fund his habits. I made a few attempts at sobriety, though all of them were short lived. I also discovered a horrible truth - my sister had never been raped, she lied. She had also been using my brothers habit as cover to steal from family members - we never did find out why and due to her emotional state it is too dangerous to even mention that we know of her lies.
Recently things had seemed better in my family life, unfortunately my personal life then began to suffer. In the last 2 months I have been turned down for every job and educational opportunity I have applied for. A pre-existing skin condition has begun to plague me non-stop, leaving me with horribly low self image and my fianc?e (the same man has been with me since I started drinking) has started to suffer from deeply depressive mood swings which have come to worry me greatly. I am still young, but have been battling this problem for what seems like a life time - I am only glad I have discovered it earlier than most.
Life continued this way for a while until in my late teens things went badly wrong. I don’t remember what happened in full that day, I had finally found happiness in a relationship )with the same boy who once abused me who had now cleaned up his act), but I was anxious, our early friendship still played on my mind. I went out one afternoon and almost never came back. I woke up in hospital, with no clue where I was. My mother stopped me from drinking for two days… and then I started again, just a little less than before. The fact I could survive near death and resume such a habit shocks me to this day. I drank my way through another year, I humiliated my boyfriend at parties on many occasions, turning up already drunk, vomiting and making a fool of myself. I was a joke.
Eventually I found out what I was doing to him, and resolved to get sober. That time was possibly one of the happiest times in my life, I managed 30 days completely sober, something I had not achieved since I was 12. I successfully moderated afterwards for nearly a year, and then things went wrong again.
At the time I still lived at home. My sister had been showing signs of depression for some time, but it still came as a shock when she was admitted to a psychiatric unit. I found out a month later she had been raped by somebody I considered a close friend. By the time she was released from the hospital some months later my brother had developed a drug addiction, and I myself was back on the booze. For two years my sister was in and out of hospital being treated for depression, then being diagnosed with bipolar. My brothers drug problem escalated and he begun stealing from the family in order to fund his habits. I made a few attempts at sobriety, though all of them were short lived. I also discovered a horrible truth - my sister had never been raped, she lied. She had also been using my brothers habit as cover to steal from family members - we never did find out why and due to her emotional state it is too dangerous to even mention that we know of her lies.
Recently things had seemed better in my family life, unfortunately my personal life then began to suffer. In the last 2 months I have been turned down for every job and educational opportunity I have applied for. A pre-existing skin condition has begun to plague me non-stop, leaving me with horribly low self image and my fianc?e (the same man has been with me since I started drinking) has started to suffer from deeply depressive mood swings which have come to worry me greatly. I am still young, but have been battling this problem for what seems like a life time - I am only glad I have discovered it earlier than most.
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