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[broken heart]

::new:I am the mom of an alcholic adult child, she is 30 yrs. old. I just don't know what 2 do about it r how 2 help her. If anyone has any idea Please help!I just feel so out of control. I just want 2 put my arms around her & not let go. I know this is a disease & it's not her choice, If it was she would not have it !I want her 2 know no matter what, theres nothing she could ever do, that would make me not love her.Someone please help!!!!

[Kimberley]

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Hey Broken and welcome to My Way Out.

Unfortunately unless she wants to stop, there is nothing you can do to make her. There is only limited advice i can give you, but

1, Let her know that you are there to support her but not to enable her (for example say you are always there to talk etc, but don't bail her out of any messes she gets into) She has no reason to stop if you pick up all the pieces all the time.

2, Take care of yourself - maybe think about going to Al-Anon? It's important for you to get support too. Stick around the forum if you want, there are a load of warm and friendly people here who will support you, although most of us are alkies too

You sound like a great mum. One thing a very close friend told me when I was in the depths of my addiction was the nicest thing I ever heard - he said, 'I'm not going to tell you to stop, I'm not going to help you kill yourself, I will just be there always when you need a hand to hold'.

I am 30 too. My own parents have put up with over ten years of my addiction and mental health problems - over the past two years, which have still been up and down, they have started to benefit from seeing me slowly take steps to recover. They couldn't be more proud. I hope to make them even more so in future. I am lucky I have great parents, and your daughter is lucky she has you.

I wish you and your daughter luck.
K x

[akgirl]

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Wow, what a wonderful post Kimberly.

All I can say is, as a Mom it breaks our hearts to see our child struggle in any way. But we have to realize it is their life to live....mistakes and all. All we can do is stand by with love, advice and a dry shoulder.

Have you thought about telling her about MWO? She would be welcomed and learn a lot from others journeys.

But as Kimberly said, you can't do anything until she is ready.

Good luck to you....stay strong Mom :l

[DiscoBunnie]

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You are doing everything you can possibly do for her hb.... loving her unconditionally. Kimberly and AKgirl post some very thoughtful and insightful advise. As much as you love your daughter, it is SHE who has to come to the ultimate decision to make the decision to STOP. But you have a role here too, as long as you keep loving her, and holding her accountable (that is the hard part) (and the most important part).... my daughter was hooked on meth for 2 years, I did everything I could to get her off, it was not until she got arrested with 3 of her friends and put in jail. One of her friends dad bailed her out, the other two were sent to county. I could have bailed her out, but I didn't. It took a lot of talking by my brother to make her stay there. I went to visit her and she couldn't see me but I could see her, I was only only allowed webcam visting. She had a phone and she said in tears, " Mom I can't see you", I wanted to run in and rescue her, but I didn't. I made her stay there and as painful as that was for me, it was the BEST thing that every happened to her.......... she spent 4 days in jail, no windows in her cell and she didn't know if it was day or night, she got ratioins for food, her privacy was invaded far beyond our belief... And I let that happen. After 4 days, when they said they were going to transfer her to county, I broke and bailed her out. Her sister and I went to pick her up. She was changed. Today she is a psychology major in University Studies wishing to specialize in helping those with addictions. I have to share with you that we prayed a lot for her.... .... Rock bottom is different for all each of us................. I myself am here because I struggle with alcohol addiction. I am so much better than I used to be, not quite what I want to be, but definitely on the road to where I need to be........... If you would like, you can PM me perhaps our daugters could talk...
...db

[Want to Stop]

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If you are anything like my mother, I am certain you are doing all you can do. Today is day 6, in my new AF life. My mother has been amazing. She has provided every level of support and love possible. I agree with the other posters. It is up to me to conquer this and continue on my AF journey. My mother can not do it for me, though I am certain she would if she could. I am grateful for her love and support. At this time, that is all I need from her. I have caused such grief, worry and pain, I am grateful for the forgiveness she has shown. Continue providing your daughter with your love and support.
That is certainly all I can ask of my mother.
Best wishes.:l

[broken heart]

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I want to Thank you all for every word you said it hits hard & home my daughter is on here she is the one who told me about it. She also replyed 2 my mess. we were talking yesterday and she said one on here sounded like me as she sit and told me what it said I told her it was me, she also mess. me back before she knew for sure. She is a GREAT PERSON & Daugher.I just did not know what 2 do.I pray for her always & she always has a shoulder 2 cry on,But everyone including my daughter is right she must do this herself,God know if I could take this from her & do it I would ! I will pray for all and good luck 2 everyone...One Day at a time !!!

[Chillgirl]

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Broken Heart - Your last post brought me to tears, thats what my Mum used to say to me as a child, that she wishes she could take my pain for me. Unconditional love is a beautiful thing and your daughter is so fortunate to have a Mum like you. But we do have to feel our own pain and its that pain that eventually makes us want to change. Im glad your daughter is using this site and I hope she checks in and posts regularly as the support is tremendous.

[broken heart]

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I hope she does use this 2 post. She writes things down that she cannot seam 2 say,so I hope she cont. 2 write .Yes I love my daughter more than anything in the world, & if I could I would wrap my arms around her & hold her till this was over, But I know I cannot do that, But I also know she must ask 4 help when she needs it I pray she has not drank yesterday & will not drink today she is going thr. a bad time as well as the drinking so she needs lots of love and help of course prayers also.But she has to not think she is a pain to everyone because she is not she is a great daughter & person and everyone will help she just has to let people know what to do.She has friends that are crying because they what to help she needs to know the pain is only because she needs to use her family & friends & let us know what to do for her I know she must do alot herself, But what we can help with we will !!!Always loving my daughter...

[mario]

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Hi broken heart as well as the great support you get here there is website called bottled-up.memberlodge.com and is specially for people who live with problem drinkers, good luck and hope it works out well for you and your daughter.

[spuddleduck]

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broken heart. you are doing everything you can. as has been said it has to come from within the person with the problem.
just one thought, and this may be totally inappropriate, apologies if it is, i mean it from a place of caring. Is your daughter ok with you being here. if i knew someone close to me was on here i would perhaps be guarded about what i was saying. i really hope you can both work through this.

[Want to Stop]

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Hello. I am her daughter. I have no problem with her being present here or reading what I post.
I shared my screen name with her. It is very therapeutic for me to post on these boards. I have always had a hard time being rigorously honest. I often told people what I thought they wanted to hear. This is an exercise in honesty for me.
I appreciate all the feedback you all have offered to my wonderfully mother!
THANK YOU!

[broken heart]

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I want to Thank everyone myself for there help to my daughter & myself It helps alot to know others can talk about this & help someone else.I may not always say or do the right thing,But maybe with help I can learn how to help my daughter and my other 2 children as well as myself.One more time I just want to say what a wonderful daughter I have & I will always be proud of her no matter what I just what her to know as well as all others, I am sure your parents are proud of you. As I ALWAYS TOLD MY KIDS JUST DO THE BEST YOU CAN,Thats all I expect from them & I am sure it's the same from all parents.Just live for today & Take one day at a time.