im not giving up!

[coci]

hello everyone, im pleased to meet you all! im 41 and, for the last 7 years have been drinking heavily.before that, i didnt start drinking untill i was about 25, but its the last 7years ive been really going for it! up until about 1 year ago, i was drinking a small bottle of vodka, about 25cl, and 3 beers a night.then one day i decided that things were getting out of control.i wanted to be a good father to my kids again, they are only 4 and 7, and i dont want their childhood to be a blur to me, and me a stranger to them. if im totally honest, i dont even like the taste of drink, i only drink for the effect. i dont drink as much now and probably only drink about 2 or 3 times a week at most.(no spirits). but i know that i want to be totally free of alcohol. my body is telling me and my head is telling me, its going to catch up on me. on the days i do drink though, i seem to be unconciously planning the evenings drinking? its like im telling myself that i deserve it for being so good for not drinking for a few days. it messes with you head this drink. i really want to give it up, but need to get my head around the fact, that im only rewarding myself with something that got me into this mess in the first place. thanks for listening, reading .

[sunshinetoday]

im not giving up!

Welcome Coci, :welcome:

You have found a wonderful site, with lots of support and advice. It sounds like you're headed in the right direction. Just give yourself some time, and maybe set some goals. The toolbox section is great, as well as the newbies nest! Have a great evening!
Sunny

[RedJib]

im not giving up!

Hi coci, welcome.
Though I drank for more years than you have, our pattern and consumption level is much the same. I didn't drink everyday (many weeks I had none at all), but when I did, I consumed around the same amount you described. Quitting wasn't as bad as I'd feared. Not being a daily drinker helped to make abstinence a wee bit easier; there was no physical withdrawal, it was all mental: Can I do this? Do I want to do this? Is life going to seem a bit empty without that nice buzz? (I'm also one of those people who gets super energized with AL, and since drinking then got associated with 'getting things done,' it was difficult to re-orient without that reinforcement. Hope that makes sense.) Even without using it everyday, AL was still controlling a great deal of my life.

In truth, there are times when my new abstinent life (almost three months now) seems a little ho-hum, but I feel a thousand times better, I'm happier and calmer (anxiety is practically gone, so I think that it's actually a byproduct of alcohol use, not a cause for drinking behaviour), and I'm fitter than I've been in years.

All of this is just to say that you can do it, and I'll bet you find that the biggest challenge will be the change of habits and the change of thinking that results. Your family will be delighted when they realize how 'present' you are when you're sober everyday, and so will you. Go for it. Don't let AL and thoughts about AL control your life.
Cheers,
Jib

[one2many]

im not giving up!

Welcome Coci!

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

im not giving up!

Hi Coci, I just wanted to welcome you along as well. This is a fantastic site full of people who understand only too well the reward v deprivation thinking when it comes to alcohol. I hope you stick around and post, read lots there is a heck of a lot of great information and support here.
Keep safe
KTAB

[mario]

im not giving up!

Hi and welcome coci to mwo, you have come to a great community with lots of good advice & support,share your thoughts and feelings here in the knowledge that you are not alone in this battle. goodluck and give yourself a chance.

[Jolie]

im not giving up!

:welcome: Coci! Support without judgement is what you will get here at MWO so hope you will settle in and join us. I'm sure you will find lots of stories similar to your own.

Might want to check out the newbies nest over on the just starting out thread.

[coci]

im not giving up!

thank you all for your welcome notes, i really appreciate them. redjib, it is all mental with me too. i look forward to getting that "buzz". im a shiftworker, and when i work a week of nights for example, i wont drink, and it wont bother me. but its the thought of not getting that buzz, that i find daunting. i need to be able to recognise my "weak moments" and fight it. once ive made my mind up im going to have a drink, thats it. im going to have a drink! i need to recognise and reverse this. besides the drink, i really have quite healthy lifestyle. i do not eat junk, i eat loads of fruit and veg, and cycle 14 miles a day back and fore work. so i cant believe i allow myself to pour this stuff into me. anyway, thanks again for all your welcomes. im going to try and post regularly.

[coci]

im not giving up!

i had a drink saturday,about 8 beers. i felt dreadfull the following day.we had a barbecue as the weather was so nice, and of course friends round drinking. anyway, im planning on going a month without a drink. i feel my body deserves to find out how i can feel without drinking. and month isnt such a long time really, but it could alter my way of thinking, which is to reward myself every so often for not drinking for a week.just an.other thing. im starting to dislike the way everybody normalises drinking alcohol.any body else felt like that, or am i just jealous of the way they seem to handle it better? all the best everyone.