denial recognized

[vicflash]

I think it's been about 6-7 years now.
Started drinking a few beers in the garage when I got home from work every day.
Disappeared from the family for hours at a time. Maybe 5-6 beers.
My lovely wife and wonderful mother of my children filled in the void during my absence.
I justified my escapes because I "worked all day".
Weekends, I'd start earlier in the day because I had some "projects" to attend to.
Again, hours away from the family.

Fast forward to today.
Since we moved, the garage is now a barn down a long driveway from the house.
Full of all the conveniences an alcoholic could want including secrecy.
Recognized that I'm in denial. Decided I don't want to be this way.

A couple of days ago I decided I want to change. I tried to stop but only cut back.
Not good enough. I want to stop when I want to. If I say I don't want to drink, I want to be able to follow through with the intention.
I've been ready all I can find relevant and insightful enough to be helpful.
I need support. It seems like it needs to be constant support.
I thought that I could stop whenever I wanted to but that's not true. My willpower is easily overcome with weak justifications.

My denial has been exposed. I know I have a problem. I want to overcome my weakness and be the person my family deserves.
I want to do it starting now.

[Lavande]

denial recognized

Hi vicflash!

You've come to the right place, welcome to MWO!
I was a sneaky, lone wine drinker myself for nearly 10 years until I just couldn't cope with it anymore & had to stop! I was in denial of a long standing depression/anxiety problem & tried to medicate myself with a bottle or two of wine every night - didn't work!

If you haven't already go to the Health store here & download the MWO book. It's full of good info about the program. Also take a look in the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html for some good ideas to help you make your plan.

I have been free of alcohol for 2 years now & am happier, healthier & mostly grateful for the freedom. AL takes over your life eventually & you're smart to make the break now. It's the best thing to do for yourself & your family, you won't be sorry

Please feel free to drop in the Newbies Nest thread in the Just Getting Started section for lots of ongoing support. Ask questions, someone is always available to answer them for you.

Wishing you the best on your journey!

Lav

[Doggygirl]

denial recognized

:welcome: vicflash. I can relate to lots of what you say in your story. Sneaky stuff. My home office became a special drinking haven. It's on the second floor of our house (a converted bedroom). I installed a small refrigerator up here. I couldn't be bothered to go all the way downstairs to the kitchen. More importantly, if there was anyone else in the house, I didn't want them to know that I was drinking up here in my office, and how many I was pouring. Also, if other people were present I could sneak up to my office for a drink rather than make a drink "in plain view" in the kitchen. But of course I made up all kinds of other excuses for what I was doing. I know.

It was not easy to stop - I won't lie. Like Lav, I started with the My Way Out Book. I ended up using the recommended supplements (I bought the starter kit here) and the Hypnosis CD's and the diet and exercise recommendations in the book. All of that really helped get me going in my new sober life! I hope you give it a try.

Strength and hope to you,

DG

[sunshinetoday]

denial recognized

Hi Vicflash,

Welcome and congratulations for making it here. I too would sneak away to the bedroom, where I would have a quick sip of the booze in the closet (more like half a bottle.) I knew in my head it was not normal, but it took me a long time to get to the point where I wanted to do something about it. I've only been here 3 weeks and the support is AMAZING! So come on in, the water is fine! Wanting to change is one of the biggest steps forward! So congrats friend!:rays:

[Jolie]

denial recognized

Hey Vicflash and :welcome:

I was in denial as well. Hid my wine bottles (graduated to boxes - they just held more) in the basement. Drank from a nice black (inside and out) coffee cup. Totally hid it from my family and continued this insanity for probably 8 or 9 years. Always waking up with the guilt and telling myself I would cut back. Didn't happen. What's the point in drinking if you don't get the buzz and one glass of wine was just not going to do it for me.

You have come to a wonderful support group that will help you every step of the way. I thought I could moderate but it wasn't in the cards for me. Sounds like you have the same issues with control.

I have been sober since January 3rd of this year (with a couple slips but nothing bad). Finally feel like my head is in the right place and I don't crave AL like I used to. If you can get 30 days in a row AF I think you will see a huge difference. I didn't take any of the supplements other than l-glutamine in the beginning for cravings. I didn't order the CD's but haven't ruled it out yet. Didn't download the my way out book but the only reason is that I still have dial up. I did read Allen Carr's book "The Easy Way to Stop Drinking" and truly believe it helped me to look at AL in a completely different light.

My advice would be to try to find something (preferably something you like to do) during the normal hours when you would be drinking. That would always be at the end of the day for me too - you know the "reward" you deserve for a hard days work.

Vicflash - if I can do this you can too. Not saying it will be easy but if anyone had told me almost 4 months ago that I would not be drinking every single day of my life anymore, I would not have believe it. Couldn't have imagined getting thru 1 day let alone 30 without drinking.

I wish you luck on your journey and know that you will make wonderful friends here who will support you and never judge.

[Siglinde]

denial recognized

denial or not

:new:
Hi everyone,

I wasn't in denial, never have been. I was worried every day and did my best to lower the consumption as much as I could.
I had my firtst drink at 30 and knew right away that I could get hooked. It happened 23 years ago. Since that time, I've been having this friendship with my collleague who is in a FAT DENIAL, with whom I had my first drink.
We both got married, have a son each. I married an alcoholic, she married a totally obedient man and I don't know which one is worse.
I divorced my father's son, but never got rid of him. I am a carrier woman and he needs a sponosor. I changed the country, went for another, better paid job, left my ex behind but me and my colleague are working togheter again. She is an only child and I come from a big family. She's been acepted by my family like another sister. No one knows for sure, but people suspect that she and I have a problem. She is excellent in hiding, I'm not. She is obese as a result of binge eating and drinking. Her husband is buying her alcohol every day and their house is always full of all sorts of it.

My way of dealing with too much love for alcohol was that I never bought any into my home, after my divorce. But lately, I decided to lose weight and lost 5kg. But, drinking on an empty stomach forced me to start buying alcohol.
I have a feeling that I finally lost battle against bottle.
I am now spending Easter holiday in my flat, back in the country where my ex lives. My son is with his father first time after a 1,5 year. Me and ex are drinking every day toghether and the atmosphere is nice. My son is seeing me doing what his father is doing, and he is only 9. My shame is HUGE, I am crying inside.

BUT,,,,SOMETHING IN ME DECIDED....I'LL PUT A STOP TO IT EVEN IF I HAVE TO TAKE ANTABUSE. I ORDERED ANTABUSE online, AND IF I DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER CHOICE I'LL START TAKING IT. JUST A VERY, VERY LAW DOSAGE SINCE I WOULDN'T DARE DRINK WITH IT. BUT I'M STILL SEARCHING. There is no AA in the country where I live now, since I am on a mission. I found out about Baclofen on this site. I'LL ORDER IT TOO, take Baclofen rather than ANTABUSE. But I want this mortar shell just to be in my fridge, as the last resort.
SOMETHING IN ME STARTED REMEMBERING YEARS BEFORE I DRANK. I WAS MEDITATING, AND I HAVE BEEN DOING IT IN THE LAST 30 YEARS, BUT IT COULDN'T KEEP ME SAFE FROM THE HABITS OF BAD COMPANY, meaning my ex and my best friend.
IN THE PAST I NEVER NEEDED TO DRINK. I LOVE THOSE YEARS OF MY PAST, YEARS WITHOUT ALCOHOL and when I decided that i would do something about my drinking, my heart leapt like crazy, I started singing, I am even happy with my ex around.
I searched help and I found this site.

I have still a couple of kilos to lose, but I look great again. Recently I started singing in a choir again and am happy about it.
I built a house at the seaside, have a lovely child, have a well paid job, and for God's sake, why do I need alcohol?!!! I don't!

My best friend will lose me if she doesn't change someting. She started raising her voice at me lately. I don't know how she dares, probably alcohol yelling from her because she knows that I am not subdued to anyone. I tried to tell her about our alcohol consumption, but she thinks that she is only addicted to food. I can't afford any bad influence any more.

I read your posts here, and I love the sincerety. I expect some support from you and am willing to give support back.

Regards to all, and have a happy, sober life

Siglinde

[Flossie]

denial recognized

Hi Siglinde,

Wow that is a some story of yours.

Welcome to MWO :welcome:

You have come to a brilliant site with lots of great people who will try and help you every step of the way, its a hugh task to give up drinking but you sound extremely positive so well done you.

May I suggest that you post in the Newbies Nest in the Just Starting Out thread as there will be lots of help and advice from the good people there.

Look forward to reading a lot more from you.

Take care Flossie x

[sunshinetoday]

denial recognized

Hi Siglinde,
Welcome to the site! Good job for being here!

[Siglinde]

denial recognized

Thanks guys,

in the meantime I am reading about baclofen, interesting stuff, and this site is full of people's great experience. Reading your posts helps a great deal.

cheers,

Siglinde

[mario]

denial recognized

Hi and welcome siglinde to mwo, great support & advice here, keep reading and asking any questions that you have, we.are have all been where you are. good luck and remember nothing changes if nothing changes.

[catch22]

denial recognized

vicflash;1104217 wrote: I think it's been about 6-7 years now.
Started drinking a few beers in the garage when I got home from work every day.
Disappeared from the family for hours at a time. Maybe 5-6 beers.
My lovely wife and wonderful mother of my children filled in the void during my absence.
I justified my escapes because I "worked all day".
Weekends, I'd start earlier in the day because I had some "projects" to attend to.
Again, hours away from the family.

Fast forward to today.
Since we moved, the garage is now a barn down a long driveway from the house.
Full of all the conveniences an alcoholic could want including secrecy.
Recognized that I'm in denial. Decided I don't want to be this way.

A couple of days ago I decided I want to change. I tried to stop but only cut back.
Not good enough. I want to stop when I want to. If I say I don't want to drink, I want to be able to follow through with the intention.
I've been ready all I can find relevant and insightful enough to be helpful.
I need support. It seems like it needs to be constant support.
I thought that I could stop whenever I wanted to but that's not true. My willpower is easily overcome with weak justifications.

My denial has been exposed. I know I have a problem. I want to overcome my weakness and be the person my family deserves.
I want to do it starting now.

First of welcome to mwo vicflash and siglinde, this site is a great site for support, read a lot and post....I learn a lot from this site from the wonderful people here !
Love your heading vicflash, Denial Recognized.... Once you move away from denial and move into acceptance your there. Just believe in yourself you can do this, it not easy but it can be done and it so worth it. I thought the first time i come on here, that it would be easy to stop, not realize how hard it was the more i stop and start the worst it got for me.
I always just thought i was a problem drinker, but now i admit i'm a alcoholic... That was the hardest thing for me to do. Not sure but reading between the lines you say you need constant support, there are groups that you can go to, face to face that might help as well, but if you feel scared, this site is the best place to start your journey, wishing you all the best x

[vicflash]

denial recognized

Siglinde,
Really appreciate the time you gave to reply. I'd love to be able to pop a pill and have my life back alcohol free. Haven't been able to go more than a day without grabbing another beer(maybe 2-3).
Feel great when I go without and sometimes almost have an out of body experience witnessing myself relapse.
Very confusing to have these competing desires and no reference. I think I need more immediate support.

[vicflash]

denial recognized

Time to report in some success.
Realized how much of my waking hours and life had been lost to drinking.
Working on cars with my 17yr old son in the barn and he asked what else I had to drink down here.
Duh!
All I had was beer in spite of having a water cooler, the 5 gal jug type.
That day I went out and got it refilled.
Next day when I came home from work, I fought the urge and drank big glasses of water instead of beer.
Still ate my chips and jerky and pistachios. Just replaced beer with water.
So far it's worked.
I can go out and order a beer or cocktail with dinner along with a glass of water. I satisfy thirst with water and just stay reminded of not wanting to drink alone, in excess and out of habit.
I think I'm better off now but only time will tell.