journey:traveling from one place to another

[jennyneric]

This is my AF journey. I hope I will add to it over the years of AFness but for now it's one day at a time.

jennyneric;1121063 wrote: DG, I just read this whole journal, it took about 10 days and it was wonderful. I wish you would have posted more in the second and third years however the first 6 months and the year of posts before that were riveting! Thank you for the time you take to document your journey and help others.

I will start documenting my journey today. I will spend the evening and long weekend going through old posts and copy and paste them into it. I am no where near as insperational as you are now. . . .however it sounds like you started out as everyone does, down, out, and reaching out for help. That's how I started so maybe my story will one day be as insperatioal as yours, if not to others, to myself.

Thank you DG.
My journey started 11-1-2010.

More to come! Have a great Friday everyone!

jennyneric;994428 wrote: :new:I'm in! Nov 1 to Nov 30- 30 days sober. . . 1st time since June 2009.

My first challenge.

jennyneric;997393 wrote: It's gonna be an AF Friday! My first one in a while! No drama and waking up with a clear head! Can't wait! Happy Friday all!

My first post on 11/5 on the daily thread.

[jennyneric]

journey:traveling from one place to another

jennyneric;1003863 wrote: The dizziness is mild, kinda like pressure in my head. I haven't been drinking alot of water so I'll try that. It's not really uncomfortable, the cig may have made it worse, it's the 1st one I've had all day. This is the first day AF, I drank the last of my vodka last night and you can't get any in Texas on Sunday and I don't have the $ to go to a bar so I sorta forced myself to do this. The demons aren't even here because they know there is no chance today, well see if that keeps up tomorrow.My first real day AF 11-14-2010

jennyneric;1007350 wrote: i surfed the urge tonight, i went out to eat and to walmart with my kids and we had fun buying special stuff that we don't normally get (with me $ I saved on AL) and then I took a bath and now I'm going to bed. I faced the demon tonight and he was barking very loud but I faced him down and shut him up, I know it won't be the last time, in fact it's just the first time but for tonight. . . Jenny-1 demon-0! Have a wonderful Saturday everyone!

made it through my first Friday night.

[spuddleduck]

journey:traveling from one place to another

thanks for this jenny. its so good looking back at a journey like this.

[Doggygirl]

journey:traveling from one place to another

Jenny, I love how you went and got your posts from those important points in your journey and consolidated them here. I look forward to following your journey!

DG

[jennyneric]

journey:traveling from one place to another

jennyneric;1026315 wrote: Ok so I am having a problem. . .I went for 10 days then drank. . .then 2 days. . .then drank. . . then 1 day then drank. . .see the problem. As soon as I cave we are really back to square one with this. I have made a go of it several times and I make it about 10 days then at some point I just say screw it this is to hard and away we go for 3 or 4 months and then I try to stop again. I want to make this stick, I just don't know how. Any tips on how to make it past 10 days would be great! Thank everyone for all there support!

This is my first day of the only 30 days I have done so far. 12-21-2010

[jennyneric]

journey:traveling from one place to another

Ok I need to work on a plan, I need a gratitude list, a list of things to do when cravings hit, and a solid outline for Friday and Saturday night. I will think about how I should carry out my plan, and what it should be, and post it here.

Ok a plan. . .wake up every morning and be thankful for my family and vow to treat them with respect and kindness even when I am angry.
Always plan to wake up 5 minutes early so that I can be 5 minutes early to everything all day which will reduce stress.
Read MWO over breakfast.
Plan to save $100 out of every pay check no matter what. . .reducing stress.
On weekdays go to work everyday and work at least 8.5-9 hours.
Always take L-Glut at 3 and all supps and vits at night!
On the way home never stop at the liquor store no matter how loud the beast is talking. All was try to project the out come of that as a deterrent. Should I decide that I can risk it I must sit with my decision for at least 2 hours giving it time to go away. If it does not go away I will go to bed.
On Friday - make your own pizza with the kids! Watch a movie in the living room (a treat for me) and bake something special or have smores for desert! Wow that sound so fun! Can't wait for next Friday, I will tell the kids today.
On Saturday - let kids have friends spend the night and make friends go home by 12 on Sunday! LOL very important!
Every weekend have a project - like this weekend it is clean out out dressers, next weekend clean out our closets.
New diet for kids - no high fructose corn syrup in the house ever! (Thanks DET)

[Doggygirl]

journey:traveling from one place to another

Jenny, I really like the actions you are taking. I think they can really pay off for you!!!

DG

[jennyneric]

journey:traveling from one place to another

Thank you DG!
It's odd how good praise like that feels. Especially on this very hard friday night.

[Doggygirl]

journey:traveling from one place to another

Stay the course and it WILL get easier. Relapse just makes the pain of getting sober worse as we have to go through the same crap over and over. MUCH more productive to make a very solid game plan and stick to it no matter what. THEN life can actually get better, and sobriety easier and more desireable.

You are doing great!!!!!

DG

[jennyneric]

journey:traveling from one place to another

Good Morning day 15! I completed my plan above this morning! I'm feeling good today. 1/2 way to infinity and beyond!

[jennyneric]

journey:traveling from one place to another

jennyneric;1115103 wrote: "The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death."

Good Morning all, DG I hope you don't mind that I use your quote, I really hit home with me because that is almost what happened. . .I know ya'll are probubly tire of me, on again off again, I just can't make it stick. . .after what happen Friday I don't think I have a choice. . . I will end up dead or in jail if this does not stop and really f**kin quick.

Friday the family went to dinner with my hubby boss and best friend. We have been doing this every other friday for 2 or three months now. I knew that drinking was going to be a problem and really didn't want to but the beast drove me to the liquior store and we bought a 1/2 pint of vodka. . .( I had been susscessfully modding on Friday's and Saturday's for a month or so, having 3-5 drinks Friday and 2 on Saturday and none Sun-
Thus) the reason I knew it would be a problem is that my sister moved back to Nacadochiss (sp) in the dead of night Thus, she works with me and she didn't tell me she was leaving so I look stupid at work and I was very hurt. . .but I drank anyway. In and hour I had drank that 1/2 pint and went to the bosses house where his GF and her BF were there and drinking also, they both have a prob with AL also. When I got there I wanted some more so I stayed for an hour or so then back to the store I went. I got back, ate dinner and after that I become very fuzzy. I know I changed into a swim suit and went swimming, I checked on my kids, cause oddly they were not really around, I found out later that the GF had told them to stay in the room because it was adult time. Now my kids are 12 and 14 and they were shut in a small bedroom with 2 8 year olds and a 2 year old with no TV for 3 hours at least. I could forgive myself for everything else that night but that one thing is unforgivable, I would never do that to my children, I can't believe I let someone else do it right under my nose and was to drunk to even know. Now why my hubby didn't know is beyond me. . .ok next I say we need to go home, hubby gets the kids and my vodka gets in his car and starts to drive off, crazy woman me runs down the street screaming at him at 1am to give me back my vodka, he left and you guessed it, me and the other two went to the bar up the street. I danced I drank, at one point I sang, then one of the girls picked me up and then she fell, I landed on my foot very wrong and now I think it is broken or really badly sprained...its purple what ever is wrong with it. Ok so I sat down to collect myself and they went to get cigs and I never saw them again. At closing time I looked and look and called and called and could not find them so I went to their house and they had left me and walked home. . .stupid but who am I to say that. So I got home at 3. . .problem. . .and my hubby was mad so we fought, I knocked over a dresser, fell a few more times, I have brusies all over my legs and a really bad one on my upper arm that I have no idea how I got, then I called my kids down at 4:30 am to scream at them to choose between me and hubby, which one they loved move when one took care of them when one they, I guess, wanted to stay with. How stupid and mean is that??? I went to sleep and woke up 4 hours later still drunk and drove the bosses GFs purse back to her, then I went to my BF's house and she took care of me for 2 or 3 hours and we had a talk, she is an addict (not AL) and she goes through clean spells but has really f**ked up her life with that stuff, she is clean now and has been for prob a year. She told me I have to stop, if nothing else stop driving while I'm drinking, I don't remember the drive home at 3 in the morning, she said she knows its hard but I am out of control when I drink and the only way to control it is not to do it so I retain control. I love her and she loves me, I get it now I have to stop sooooo....

(Crying) Hello. . .my name is Jenny. . .and I am an alcoholic

This is the worst moment in my life till this point. I am posting this here so that I can read it when I have used every other tool and nothing is working. I never want to feel this low again.

[jennyneric]

journey:traveling from one place to another

one millionth day 2...

Hello old thread, how good it is to see you!

You know, I realized that it does not matter how many day twos I have, or any other number, as long as it is a day without AL then it's a day that I will enjoy.

I still want to post here but I don't really fit in anyware...but that does not matter, I'll still like to post so I will and where do I fit in better that my "my story" thread.

It's been a sober weekend and I have gotten so much done! I worked all my hours and have cleaned the house and now to do my weekend speech homework, I hope to be done by 5 or 6. Then well eat some grub and at 8...DEXTER season premier! Can't wait!

Hope everyone here at MWO has a great sober Sunday.

Odd things...no one has started a 30 day challenge for October yet...never seen a month here without one!

Goal. October 1st thru December 31st AF. I want it so I'm going to do it.

[Nursie]

journey:traveling from one place to another

Jenny, I love your thread and everything you've posted hits home for me. I've pretty much done all those things too. The shame is enormous. At one point the shame is what made me continue the cycle. So many of our pictures, pictures of my baby, had a wine glass in the back ground like a permanent prop. I hate that, but from now on all of our pictures will have new props

[Doggygirl]

journey:traveling from one place to another

Hi Jenny! So good to see you and congrats on your AF weekend.

DG

[jennyneric]

journey:traveling from one place to another

Loving today! I love the fall, so pretty and cooler! Today is day 5 for the millionth time but I don't care! I will keep trying until I get it right! I feel different this time. Nothing happened to shame me into really trying to stop, I just don't want to anymore. Or maybe it's a look you didn't think I would do it and now I did thing. Weather it out of spite or not, it feels great!