I just posted on the Newbie forum yesterday.....to introduce myself and say Thanks in advance to all of you out there who are so supportive to each other on this website. Many of your posts are my main reason for deciding that MWO is the way I want to end this "prison" I've been in for so many years. As I read all ofyour stories, it is so evident that alcoholism knows no prejudice. When we are in the depths of despair after a night (or weeks) of continuous drinking, we feel so all alone, don't we? But it only takes coming on to this website to know how many of us are "locked up" by this disease.
So, my story........born and grew up in a small town in the Deep South (US)....we're talking Bible Belt conservative, which is where you'll find so many "closet drinkers" - especially women. Women are supposed to be good mothers, wives, caregivers, caretakers, etc., etc. And I think, we can all say that is a global truth?? I am not minimizing what any of the men who are inflicted with this disease are going through. It is HELL for all of us. I am just trying to give you a perspective of what I've felt going through all of this. Anyway, put under the pressure of being the perfect wife, mother, housekeeper, career woman, etc., etc. can take its toll. So a glass of wine at the end of a hard day - a well-deserved reward? Then two or three, then it's the whole bottle.
After working for ten years and a family move to another Southern US state, I started staying at home with my 2 year old daughter (also had an 8 yr old daughter). Now I had the freedom of not having to get up to go to a job every day, so Whoopee, more of an excuse to have that half-bottle/bottle of wine a night. And still, no one had a clue. My husband was very involved in his job, climbing up the corporate ladder, and never really noticed when he came at night that I'd had a few glasses of wine or even 3 or 4 Crown Royal/Cokes.
In 1999, we got the opportunity to move overseas (my husband's further climb up the ladder) to Europe. I think that was the onset of my progression into oblivion. For the first tme in my life, I was living in a culture that celebrated alcohol, not demonized it - like Southerners tend to do (warped, but that's a whole other thread). So, going to the local pub or picking up a few bottles of wine was no biggie.......no one was frowning at me at the supermarket check-out line when I'd buy a case of wine. After all, I didn't LOOK like a wino!! Fast forward.........to today. After two more moves in Europe, we are settled in Western Europe and really like it here. Problem is.........I like the alcohol more than ever. 2 nights ago, I slumped to my lowest I think.....I went through a bottle of vodka in about 6 hours. A new low for me. Over the past two years, my husband has finally caught on to the fact that I drink so much.......he's found the hidden bottles all over the house. (We've all been there). He's blamed himself - he thinks that I drink because I am so "unhappy". Honestly, I do it mainly because I'm bored (and there's a genetic link - my father and his father and his father, etc.). My husband is away on business alot, and I think, "Hey, I'll throw MYSELF a party! Only, I don't want anyone else but me and my bottle(s) of choice to be invited.
So, here I am....... a 41 year-old wife and mother looking to start my NEW life. I know that Roberta's book and her advice are the main ingredients here, but also knowing that I have a new group of friends - non-judgemental, caring, and supportive - will help to unlock these "prison doors".
Thanks for "listening"......it really helps to put this all down and validate what I'm going through. I look forward to getting to know my new friends here.
:thanks:
So, my story........born and grew up in a small town in the Deep South (US)....we're talking Bible Belt conservative, which is where you'll find so many "closet drinkers" - especially women. Women are supposed to be good mothers, wives, caregivers, caretakers, etc., etc. And I think, we can all say that is a global truth?? I am not minimizing what any of the men who are inflicted with this disease are going through. It is HELL for all of us. I am just trying to give you a perspective of what I've felt going through all of this. Anyway, put under the pressure of being the perfect wife, mother, housekeeper, career woman, etc., etc. can take its toll. So a glass of wine at the end of a hard day - a well-deserved reward? Then two or three, then it's the whole bottle.
After working for ten years and a family move to another Southern US state, I started staying at home with my 2 year old daughter (also had an 8 yr old daughter). Now I had the freedom of not having to get up to go to a job every day, so Whoopee, more of an excuse to have that half-bottle/bottle of wine a night. And still, no one had a clue. My husband was very involved in his job, climbing up the corporate ladder, and never really noticed when he came at night that I'd had a few glasses of wine or even 3 or 4 Crown Royal/Cokes.
In 1999, we got the opportunity to move overseas (my husband's further climb up the ladder) to Europe. I think that was the onset of my progression into oblivion. For the first tme in my life, I was living in a culture that celebrated alcohol, not demonized it - like Southerners tend to do (warped, but that's a whole other thread). So, going to the local pub or picking up a few bottles of wine was no biggie.......no one was frowning at me at the supermarket check-out line when I'd buy a case of wine. After all, I didn't LOOK like a wino!! Fast forward.........to today. After two more moves in Europe, we are settled in Western Europe and really like it here. Problem is.........I like the alcohol more than ever. 2 nights ago, I slumped to my lowest I think.....I went through a bottle of vodka in about 6 hours. A new low for me. Over the past two years, my husband has finally caught on to the fact that I drink so much.......he's found the hidden bottles all over the house. (We've all been there). He's blamed himself - he thinks that I drink because I am so "unhappy". Honestly, I do it mainly because I'm bored (and there's a genetic link - my father and his father and his father, etc.). My husband is away on business alot, and I think, "Hey, I'll throw MYSELF a party! Only, I don't want anyone else but me and my bottle(s) of choice to be invited.
So, here I am....... a 41 year-old wife and mother looking to start my NEW life. I know that Roberta's book and her advice are the main ingredients here, but also knowing that I have a new group of friends - non-judgemental, caring, and supportive - will help to unlock these "prison doors".
Thanks for "listening"......it really helps to put this all down and validate what I'm going through. I look forward to getting to know my new friends here.
:thanks:
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