Starting Again

[Skid Row]

Hi
Yes back again, I am in a really bad place. I manage to be AF quite easily when my husband isn't home, but when he is - he will ring me from the shops and ask if I want anything. I start with no thank you and then not always but sometimes say oh what the hell, yes, this then starts a cycle. I will be fine (well by terribly low standards fine in that for a day or two I will join him in a bottle of wine) then it will sort of get worse and the I want more button gets nocked on. We aren't very happy, I have two children - and they aren't very happy either. When I drink too much a great deal of resentment comes to the fore and I am really quite horribly to him, it doesn't start with horrible, but he isn't a great listener and he also tends to go to sleep at 9.30pm which annoys me because he will then moan cos I am not up at 6am. He is away a lot, and when he is away I really do not have an issue with staying away from the poison, but when he is here he drinks every night, in a more controlled way, but it is still every night and I have asked him not to, but he answers well you smoke. He says he doesn't like me drinking, but he always calls and always asks if i want booze bringing back. He will not go without even if I ask him, and also I have told him that I think his drinking habits are getting worse and he could do with a few af nights himself, but like I say he thinks he is cool with it. Even when I have explained that it is super hard to go without when he is drinking every night. Anyways, thats how it goes in this home. He comes home, moans about stuff even if everything is looking fabulous then drinks a bottle of wine and goes to bed. Any ideas please folks.

[Miss October]

Starting Again

Hi Skid Row and welcome back ! I have no advice to give you, but I just wanted to say hi, and let you know you are not alone :l

[madmans]

Starting Again

Hi Skid Row and welcome back . It sounds to me like your husband has a problem also, i see some of my old self in the way you describe your husband . I always made sure my wife had wine in the house or bought it when i was getting beer, the you smoke so why can't i drink done that also. I am sure i could list all the mind games i played with my wife about drinking and you would see a connection . You can't make your husband stop drinking all you can do is look after yourself , get yourself AF and back to the land of the living for leading a life of drink and hangovers is such a waste of time , time you could spend making your two children happy. Come to this site daily, read, post, watch the "Rain in my heart " documentary and check out the tool box if you haven't already. Your life and your children's will get better when your AF, it's your husbands choice if he wants to do the same. You being sober doesn't depend on your husband being sober nor can you blame you being drunk on your husbands drinking.

[timetochangeforme]

Starting Again

I see a lot of similarities with your situation. I have had some AF time but my husband drinks nightly, he might have not drank or drank less on a couple of occasions. I am the one going to bed at 9:30, I am just drinking to get there I guess. He stands out in the garage and smokes, I quit smoking over a year and a half ago. So it is pretty much that I am drinking alone. I do what I have to do but that's about it. I have 2 children also who are not very happy. I have brought them for counseling, they seem to be doing better, but I know I have to make changes and he will only change if/when he wants to. He blames a lot of things on me, that we moved and he doesn't like his job and can't find something different, even though we both agreed to move (we didn't have to).

I think it takes time, why don't you set a goal of 30 days, whether he's there or not and then see. At least he's away some of the time and that is no problem for you not to drink you say. It doesn't sound like you have much fun drinking with him anyway. I wish my husband was away at least some of the time. It's pretty sad that I feel that way.

[sunshinetoday]

Starting Again

Hiya Skid,
I think that it is important to be responsible for you and not be so worried about what he does. We are all individuals and will make our own choices. You have to put you first and figure out what you want to do, if you want to be sober, and make that happen. Your kids will be happier if you're happier, and if you're sober. Then go from there. Sorry, I don't mean to be to forward. I just know that my husband does not understand the struggle of this addiction as I know it, and I have learned from joining this site that I can not let his choices let me make excuses for what I choose to do. Best of luck to you. The toolbox has some good tools to help.

[Daya]

Starting Again

Hi skid row

I have EXACTLY the same problem as you.,I can( just) stay away from alcohol when my husband is not here, but when he is, there is always alcohol. I have asked him not red buy red wine, which I love( he usEd to drink white) which he ignores. He has a serious drinking problem, and has told me he will never give up
He is also a very loving and kind man.
So I have just decided that to give up drinking,whilst yes there, I will just spend my evenings in another room.

It is difficult when the person you loves doesn't help, but remember, he is dealing with his own( maybe unacknowlaged? Addiction.
He may also be fearful of the relationship changing, if you give up.
Good luck, I'll be thinking of you.

[Tiredofit]

Starting Again

It is a vicious cycle especially when the one closest to you is drinking and you say "oh what the hell, It'll be fine." I have learned over and over it's not fine. Especially when there are children. My oldest is 4 and is paying attention. I need to nip this in the bud right quick. My kids will not grow up the way I did. My father was/is a horrible alcoholic.