Time to come out of lurkdom, say Hello and :thanks:
I've been a career drinker for 35 years. I used it to deal with social anxiety in the beginning but, about 14 years ago I realised I had a problem with AL. I've tried a few times since then to cut down or stop but have got steadily worse to the point where last year I was drinking 1 1/2 - 2 bottles of wine 5-6 days a week.
I don't start drinking before about 5 in the evening and I've managed to keep in a job most of my life. I believe "high-functioning" is the term for this kind of alcoholism but that's not how it feels. Drink to blackout, wake at 3am, heart banging away, sweating through the sheets no matter what season it is, chewing down antacids, knowing "quality" sleep time is over for the night, then underperforming my way through the workday and coming home to do it all over again. Oh, and the shame and guilt and trying to hide the after effects.
In January this year I heard something on the radio about it being the start of a new decade and the lightning bolt hit - what the f*!k happened to the last one?? I'd been on this miserable treadmill for the last decade and I was staring at the same for the next if I
didn't do something.
I got online and found MYO and other information about treating addiction, bought some books on Amazon (I can recommend "Seven Weeks to Sobriety" Dr Amiesen's book and "Get Sober, Stay Sober") and worked out a plan. I started with acupuncture and St. Johns Wort early February and was able to cut back to drinking 1-2 nights a week. Moderation was my goal then and initially it was just 2 or 3 drinks on those nights but it pretty quickly ramped up to 2 bottles again and I could see where it was heading so, 30 days ago I had my last drink!!
My plan is to stay AF while I get some counselling and try to undo the damage I've done to my body (losing 35KG of Traminer Reisling will keep me occupied for a bit anyway :upset
. At the moment I can't see a reason to drink again. Life's so much better without it. Freedom! All I got out of booze at the end was about an hour and a half comfortably numb then a light coma followed by sickness and regret.
In the past I've felt "unworthy" to contribute (never crashed my car, had a DUI, lost my job, been in rehab etc.) and so I lurked and read. One thing I've realised reading on this forum is that there are many different ways to have a problem with AL and there are many of us struggling along, feeling alone, just keeping our heads above water but leading a pretty miserable internal life while pretending things are fine to the outside world.
Thankyou to all who share their stories here. Following along with you has helped me start and stay on track. Hopefully my story can help someone else do the same.
I've been a career drinker for 35 years. I used it to deal with social anxiety in the beginning but, about 14 years ago I realised I had a problem with AL. I've tried a few times since then to cut down or stop but have got steadily worse to the point where last year I was drinking 1 1/2 - 2 bottles of wine 5-6 days a week.
I don't start drinking before about 5 in the evening and I've managed to keep in a job most of my life. I believe "high-functioning" is the term for this kind of alcoholism but that's not how it feels. Drink to blackout, wake at 3am, heart banging away, sweating through the sheets no matter what season it is, chewing down antacids, knowing "quality" sleep time is over for the night, then underperforming my way through the workday and coming home to do it all over again. Oh, and the shame and guilt and trying to hide the after effects.
In January this year I heard something on the radio about it being the start of a new decade and the lightning bolt hit - what the f*!k happened to the last one?? I'd been on this miserable treadmill for the last decade and I was staring at the same for the next if I
didn't do something.
I got online and found MYO and other information about treating addiction, bought some books on Amazon (I can recommend "Seven Weeks to Sobriety" Dr Amiesen's book and "Get Sober, Stay Sober") and worked out a plan. I started with acupuncture and St. Johns Wort early February and was able to cut back to drinking 1-2 nights a week. Moderation was my goal then and initially it was just 2 or 3 drinks on those nights but it pretty quickly ramped up to 2 bottles again and I could see where it was heading so, 30 days ago I had my last drink!!
My plan is to stay AF while I get some counselling and try to undo the damage I've done to my body (losing 35KG of Traminer Reisling will keep me occupied for a bit anyway :upset
. At the moment I can't see a reason to drink again. Life's so much better without it. Freedom! All I got out of booze at the end was about an hour and a half comfortably numb then a light coma followed by sickness and regret.In the past I've felt "unworthy" to contribute (never crashed my car, had a DUI, lost my job, been in rehab etc.) and so I lurked and read. One thing I've realised reading on this forum is that there are many different ways to have a problem with AL and there are many of us struggling along, feeling alone, just keeping our heads above water but leading a pretty miserable internal life while pretending things are fine to the outside world.
Thankyou to all who share their stories here. Following along with you has helped me start and stay on track. Hopefully my story can help someone else do the same.
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