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[mikeone]

As a long-time (30-odd-years) evening wine drinker, (6-8 eight-oz glasses a night), I quit cold turkey sometime in March of this year. It was easy and effortless. I don't know the exact date because I see no need to keep track of abstinent days once your mind is made up that quitting is forever. I don't give the new normal a passing thought and don't miss the old normal. As far as alcohol is concerned I am truly ambivalent.

That said, there are some untoward changes since I quit. I have gained twenty pounds. I realize overeating is in part a compensation for the loss of carbs from the wine, but my gourmandise has become ridiculous. I was formerly physically fit and active and enjoyed outdoors work, jogging, biking, sailing, playing tennis, etc. Now, I am bored with those things--in fact with most things. I avoid socializing whenever my wife lets me get away with it. I have completely lost interest in sex. I used to love mowing the lawn and the smell of newly cut grass. No longer. The list goes on. The only thing that continues to engage me is getting under the hood of a computer, looking up things on the internet, learning Ubuntu Linux as well as the Unix command line so I can kick out Microsoft and Apple; technical gobblygook that doesn't entail the physical activity that used to engage me.

This puzzles me. I am not depressed. I get up bright and early (5-7 am) and go to bed late (about midnight.) I sleep like a rock with entertaining dreams, read a lot, don't watch TV. I function efficiently, calmly and happily when interacting on a formal level, but on a personal level I am becoming a hermit quite unlike my former self. Although I am personally content with my new self (I am uncomfortable with my weight gain only in terms of its being a health hazard) it is apparent that friends, acquaintances--and my wife--are wondering what is going on.

Any ideas?

Mike

[techie]

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Hi mikeone. Welcome. I'm no doctor but I must admit it does sounds like you are dealing with some form of depression. I think you need to present this to your doctor. However, there may be someone else here at MWO that has a shared experience. I wish you all the best. BTW, grep!

[Doggygirl]

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Hi Mike. I had the same thought as Techie that you might want to run all this past a doctor just to rule out clinical depression.

That said, I am a vastly different person with vastly different interests now that I am sober. In particular, I really detest social situations and skip out on them whenever I can. I can relate to that! (and I was a "life of the party" girl before) In other ways I am different - I was completely unfit before I quit drinking and now I'm much fitter. I've lost weight, however I followed the eating recommendations in the My Way Out book which was key.

I also had lots of hormone tests and there were some problems that were easily fixed with bioidentical hormones and natural porcine thyroid medication. It can be a bit tricky to find a doctor who is really really good at this stuff. Most either under medicate or don't medicate at all. That made a world of difference for me. (I am now on porcine thyroid, and bioidentical progesterone and estrogen) Men frequently drop too low in testosterone which might explain the sex drive issues. Something to consider anyway.

I am still figuring out who the "real me" is. And getting comfortable with it. I am NOT the person I portrayed myself to be my entire adult life drinking excessively. It's a journey. Stopping drinking is really only the first baby step, in my experience.

Best wishes to you,

DG

[mikeone]

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Depression?

Re: my apparent and hopefully temporary loss of interest in most everything except food since stopping drinking, I think I have ruled out the following:

1. Depression. Several years ago I stopped for awhile while seeing an addiction spec. He prescribed citralopram, an SSRI antidepressant, which I took for several weeks. Didn't do anything except make me feel tired so I dropped it and went back to drinking, which at least re-energized me for awhile until I returned to falling asleep 7:30 each evening and waking up 12 hours later.

2. Low testosterone. I've been checked for this. Levels are well within the normal range.

3. Low thyroid function. Ditto. Levels in normal range.

4. Diabetes. I've also had blood sugar tests as well as A1C. Not diabetic. Liver and kidney function AOK.

I have given the main anti-craving meds reasonable trials. None reduced my urges nor my intake; not campral, nor topiramate, nor naltrexone, nor baclofen. Also tried AA but I'm not a group person, smoker or coffee drinker; also I have an aversion to so-called spirituality and supernatural beliefs--all apparently prerequisites for the "brotherhood". The only solution for me appears to be simply not to drink. I'll have to figure out another way to tackle those not-drinking side-effects. It might be that my neurotransmitters and receptors are so screwed up that they need a long time to re-adapt.

Perhaps the culprit is simvastatin, 40 mg, that I take for elevated blood lipids. Possible clue here since SE's like mine have been anecdotally reported by some people on statins.

What HAS worked like a charm for me are benzodiazepines, but those carry their own problems so I cautiously avoid them. Gabapentin is safer but not nearly as effective.

sudo apt-get update
grep -i /etc/surefirecure > dontdrink.txt

Hey, THAT worked!

[Bruunhilde]

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Mike, just because you tried the antidepressants for several weeks and they didn't work doesn't mean you're not depressed. Different drugs work for different people. Lack of interest in people and activities is a classic symptom of depression. Of course, it doesn't mean you have to have depression, but the fact that you enjoyed these things before especially the activities seems very odd.

Of course, it could be other things as you describe. Can you try non-drug ways of lowering your blood lipids? Are you talking about triglycerides? If so, you can take niacine 1-4 grams a day, and get rid of the statin SEs. Since niacin has growth factors, you may find it helps you be more physically active.

[jessie]

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Mike, I have to chip in with the others about the depression issue. Those are all classical symptoms of depression. Maybe you should try a different type of medication?

I hope you get a solution soon.

[Nichau]

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I have to concur with others' suggestions. Sounds like clinical depression to me. I have been on anti-deps since 1983, and have pretty much tried them all (or at least the majority of classes of drugs). Maybe get on one for a month and note your progress or lack thereof; agitation, lethargy, sexual issues, sleepiness, sleeplessness, weight gain/loss, etc. It is very easy to have your Doc switch one out for another. I didn't have a sex drive with Prozac, got vertigo with Zoloft, and have historically done pretty well on Wellbutrin. It's worth a shot. (Speaking of shots, have you considered vitamin B supplements or similar? My sis-in-law used to get injections.) Life in general (situational depression) can be the culprit, too. Anything else change for the worse lately? My life has sucked pretty badly the last couple of weeks/months...if I had the money, I'd jump out of a plane again. That seems to tweak something in my brain chemistry that lasts for weeks. Good luck to you...you will find the answer!

[nancy]

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ambivalence?

So you say you are ambivalent about alcohol. I wonder if that is what you tell yourself but maybe it isn't true, maybe it prevents you from socializing?

It seems you are compartmentalizing your feelings. Is that true? Were your social experiences often exposing you to alcohol? And subconsciously you just say to yourself you are not interested in socializing anymore? Sounds like black and white thinking to me. and it's perfectly rational for someone quitting drinking. I think you would benefit from a group environment of people seeking to quit drinking. AA may or may not be right for you but there are other groups you could look into if AA is not right. You definitely don't want to give up social contact and physical exercise.

As for the eating, that makes sense too. I believe that there is a root cause of addiction that has nothing to do with booze itself. So if you don't solve the underlyling cause, you will just substitute for another addiction.

As for the sex issues with your wife, is it possible that you haven't shared all the alcohol issues you have been having with her and that's why you can't be intimate?

And I would add, it seems like your sobriety time is short and maybe you are going to be ok over time. This may pass.

[bwendo]

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Mikeone is it something to do with feeling as though the party is over, and this new stage of life is simply not as eagerly anticipated as the drinking one?

I know I have hit the skids a few times when sobriety didn't clear all my self doubt and anxiety in one fell swoop. But I didn't drink again, I know like you said that I simply won't, ever again.

Perhaps it is a combination of mourning what we have given up and being a little fearful of what is expected of us from here on. That's what it is for me anyway.

[SlipperyPete]

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Hey dude,

Just wanted to add that if it is indeed depression, SSRI's I've found are pretty worthless. SNRI's, such as Effexor, and also Wellbutrin (which is a different class), have given me energy and lifted depression much more than SSRI's.

[Kimberley]

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Hi Mike,

All I wanted to say is that life has changed for you. If it is NoT depression, although you do have one of the main symptoms, if not others, maybe it is time to reevaluate your life. Alcohol did used to give us the 'juice' we needed to do things, and taking that away can in the short-term, cause a lack of energy in some cases. (Look up 'post alcohol withdrawal syndrome). But also, you have a different mindset now with no alcohol clouds.

If you have first ruled out depression, why not sit down and brainstorm what your dreams are, what your goals for life are, what you truly enjoy (not what you should enjoy), what your values are, what is important to you. Then write out a list of what might be holding you back - is it genuine disinterest or maybe fear? Upsetting others?

You might come up with some surprising answers,
K x

[RingingCedars]

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nancy;1154828 wrote: So you say you are ambivalent about alcohol. I wonder if that is what you tell yourself but maybe it isn't true, maybe it prevents you from socializing?

It seems you are compartmentalizing your feelings. Is that true? Were your social experiences often exposing you to alcohol? And subconsciously you just say to yourself you are not interested in socializing anymore? Sounds like black and white thinking to me. and it's perfectly rational for someone quitting drinking. I think you would benefit from a group environment of people seeking to quit drinking. AA may or may not be right for you but there are other groups you could look into if AA is not right. You definitely don't want to give up social contact and physical exercise.

As for the eating, that makes sense too. I believe that there is a root cause of addiction that has nothing to do with booze itself. So if you don't solve the underlyling cause, you will just substitute for another addiction.

As for the sex issues with your wife, is it possible that you haven't shared all the alcohol issues you have been having with her and that's why you can't be intimate?

And I would add, it seems like your sobriety time is short and maybe you are going to be ok over time. This may pass.

I couldn't agree with you more Nancy. You could be my alter ego.

[Cinders]

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Mike,

There may be some underlying physical cause for the lack of interest in sex, physical activity, etc., that was masked by your drinking.

Being a gastric bypass patient, my doctor regularly checks me for vitamin levels and protein, etc. When she finds an issue and I correct it with supplements, I generally have found I felt much better and did not realize I was feeling poorly until I started feeling better.

I advise you go to your doctor and discuss.

I also agree it could be depression but I am not a doctor.

As an aside, you might enjoy this:

awk 'BEGIN{RS=ORS="nn";FS=OFS="n"}/root:/' file

This awk statement will emulate AIX's grep -p option, which allows you to search on a word embedded in a paragraph and it prints the entire paragraph. In my work I need to do that often. A paragraph is defined as lines of text deliniated by a blank line.

HTH,
Cindi

[mikeone]

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I haven't touched base here in awhile. Thanks for all the thoughts and advice. I think that the post alcohol withdrawal syndrome may indeed be a major factor. Fluctuating blood sugar levels certainly come into play. Sometimes I feel hypoglycemic spells coming on and gorge myself with carbs and dark chocolate (the healthy kind, I kid myself) to ward them off. (I do realize that's not a good idea.) I also eat nutritiously and take vitamins (I always have anyway, too copiously), but now realize that three squares a day need to be interspersed with three snacks like fruit or yogurt to smooth our the blood sugar peaks and valleys. I drink water or diet cranberry juice (Spelda sweetened) like crazy all day--but then I did that when I was evening-drinking as well. Perhaps I have an unresolved oral fixation?

Another factor, or course, is rebellion at advancing age (I'm 72) as well as loss of my lifelong occupation which a was freelance non-fiction magazine writer. That market for that is practically dead, and I guess I'm not "edgy" enough for modern media tastes--especially when it comes to what I view as the vapid celebrity obsession of the public and it's short attention span to "hard" stories and issues.

I'm getting better at socializing. The other evening I had an enjoyable time sipping ice water at a dinner party and actively engaging in conversation. And I'm getting myself more involved in physical activities, pushing my heart rate way beyond where it should be (I've always overdone things both on the downside and upside) and working up a sweat. But I can't jog 8 miles through the woods and nimbly jump over stone walls with my dog at my side like I used to at what seems like just yesterday. I have to adapt to reality and try not to do everything--good or bad--to extremes like I used to. As for loss of interest in sex, that's slowly starting to subtly reverse mentally although the physical "use it or lose it" syndrome has still to be addressed. Any interested nubile young ladies out there? (Just kidding, my understanding wife is my best friend and will soon again become my best lover.)

Still developing...

Mike