My very sorry tale.

[JamieLush73]

Hello all. As a totally new person to this site I just wanted to say hello to you all. I finally hit that brick wall that screams: "You're an out of control alcoholic!" last Sunday night after beating up my partner and attempting to kill myself moments afterwards because I was (and am) so ashamed of what I'd done. I'm 38 and have been drinking constantly for years. I've never been violent before and see it as the ultimate wake up call. My partner quite rightly told me to do something about my alcoholism or get out. I've got an appointment tomorrow at a drug and alcohol counselling service and I'm dreading it. Any advice. I'm still drinking by the way.

[Doggygirl]

My very sorry tale.

Hi Jamie and welcome to My Way Out. Alcoholism is progressive. I kept drinking, and the things I did and the consequences for my behavior kept on getting worse and worse until I finally had enough. And even when I'd finally had enough, it was not easy to stop. I understand that.

I will never forget the night I was screaming at my husband and I shoved a dirty smelly sponge HARD in his face. That was the first time I remember doing anything "physical" as a result of being drunk. Always before that time, it was just screaming. That was when my husband had it too. I was also so miserable drinking that the only way out I saw was suicide. Bottom line - I understand where you are coming from and believe me - everyone else here understands too.

You are not alone.

Good for you going to counseling. Yes, it is scary but it's a start to a different life, if you really want to stop drinking. I also suggest downloading the My Way Out book and giving that a read.

:welcome:

DG

[StarN]

My very sorry tale.

Your sorry tale could be any one of our tales. I never beat anyone up, but I was a horrible spouse.

Read and post was what I was told when I first joined here (years ago, but I forgot my password and had to star over)

Anyway you are not alone. You have to start one day at a time. :h

[sunshinetoday]

My very sorry tale.

Jaimie,
Welcome to MWO. At least you are seeking out ways to quit drinking.
AL makes us different people. We do things we would never normally do if not drinking.
there are so many useful things on this site, especially all the support on offer here.

[Kimberley]

My very sorry tale.

Jamie,

Welcome! You show an amazing courage in being so honest that will stand you in good stead when it comes to recovering. My only advice is hold onto that honesty and be prepared to do whatever it takes to beat this problem and get well. Good luck at the counselling service. Let us know how it goes.

K x

[Treya]

My very sorry tale.

Go for it Jamie.
What you will gain will be SO much more than what you will lose.
What is there to fear?
Take courage in both hands and do what you need to do to regain your self respect.
Best Wishes,
Treya

[jessie]

My very sorry tale.

Welcome Jamie, I too have done things that I'm horribly ashamed of. The moment of change comes when you honestly and without excuses can admit openly that you have lost control over your drinking. That you are an alcoholic.That is also AA's first step.

We can beat this disease with help and humility.

[willowfrond]

My very sorry tale.

Hi Jamie,

I think we all need to give our stories here and the way they unfold over time. I'm still doing that but I wont go into it with you now because the constant repetition of bad stuff was always what put me off AA.

Just look at that good stuff you have already done...you're here! Lot's of other things will get better too, your thinking, your appearance, your health...it's onwards and upwards and like any mountain it takes stamina.....but a bulldozer or two can reduce a mountain. Bulldozers are pretty much try and buy, topamax? Campral? Naltrexone?, Glutamine?, GABA? and the big one DOCTOR. Don't give up on the fight or the choice of bulldozer/s.

Willow

[bwendo]

My very sorry tale.

Your story sounds similar to mine - I was in a pretty bad place just three months ago, sleeping on a warehouse floor, tossing up whether to go through with my drunken ultimatum and "sell everything" and get a divorce - or apologise and be a father and husband.

It was an easy choice but challenging to execute.

I sought help with my doctor and went there with my wife and daughters and told him point blank that i was an alcoholic and I wanted some "stop drinking drugs, the one's that make you vomit" was how I described it.

I was prescribed Antabuse and took it every morning for thirty days and didn't dare drink.

Now, at day 107, I'm off the Antabuse and quietly, humbly confident and hopeful I will never drink again.

If I can do it, and I was a sneaky, deceptive, thieving, dickhead of a drunk, you can too.

Stop being scared of how good you can be, to yourself and your wife, and start being it.

[Amy_Prohabition]

My very sorry tale.

I think you should let your partner go so she isn't scared and in pain. It is not fair for her to have to live in that situation. Be a man and leave her until you are able to rehabilitate.

[K9Lover]

My very sorry tale.

Amy_Prohabition;1196989 wrote: I think you should let your partner go so she isn't scared and in pain. It is not fair for her to have to live in that situation. Be a man and leave her until you are able to rehabilitate.

Questioning someone's manhood is not helpful.

Jamie,
Did you go to your counseling session? Please let us know how it went.

:h
K9