Hello :new::new:but i thought I'd share my summarised story in the spirit that so many others of you have - it is so nice to know that my hell is not mine alone; so many others are battling as I am.
I was introduced to AL at a very young age - as a small child I lived in the Australian desert and often, I am told, shared a beer with my dad. My parents were of the generation that believed if you introduced alcohol early, it would make your kids responsible drinkers later in life - how far from the truth has that proven to be???So, AL has been a part of my life forever, which is pretty common for a lot of Australians. My Dad was a fairly big drinker in his younger years - he has slowed with age but I can see it is an effort for him when he chooses not to drink - I have seen him raucously drunk over the years many a time. My mother did not have her first drink unitl she was 21 and would be unlikely to consume the sum total of two bottles of wine a year. I have one sister like Dad and I - who loves a drink; my other sister rarely ever drinks...go figure, families
I had a happy upbringing in a loving family. We live in Tasmania which is the little island below the mainland of Australia. We did lots of outdoorsy stuff as kids, particularly with our Dad.
I finished my final year of pre-university study when I had just turned 17 - at which time I announced to my parents that I would be going to the pub with my friends despite being underage (18 is the legal drinking age in Australia) and that I would wear the consequences if caught. So I went, I drank and I was never caught.
Fast forward a couple of years and I commenced training as a registered nurse and got used to drinking at wacky hours - in the morning, after a night shift with breakfast etc. When I completed my training, I moved to South Australia to work - there were the usual nurse parties etc but I lived alone for a while and generally did not have alcohol in the house.
Then I met the man who became my husband - he did not drink a great deal; his vice was marijuana. We married in 1991 and moved back to Tasmania to live - which we did for 8 1/2 years - all of which were relatively happy. We had two children during that time, both girls - 2 1/2 years apart.
In 1999 we made the decision to relocate back to South Australia; which we did in the December of 1999. I think it all started going downhill from there. My parents-in-law lived near us; however, they were not used to having the grandkids around and offered very little support. I was used to having both my sisters and my Mum for support so this came as a shock to me. My drinking began to escalate during 2000 and hasn't stopped since. I had commenced a law degree prior to leaving Tasmania and finished that cross institutionally at the end of 2000. I then went on to complete the necessary study to become a practising lawyer. I was working as a public servant; however, I desperately wanted to practise law in a private firm. As more and more applications went by without me even getting an interview, I became depressed and began drinking about 1 litre of red wine a day.
In 2003 I landed the "dream" job - I was working as a "real" lawyer. Guess what - lawyers drink lots - and usually on Friday from lunch time to whenever. So I often staggered in home at 8 or 9 on a Friday night - much to my husband's anger.
In July 2003, my husband had a heart attack at 35 years old - I think that is where it all started going pear shaped. He developed depression and became really volatile and abusive. He bagan smoking massive amounts of marijuana. In late 2004 he was diagnosed as bi polar for which, for a time, he became medication compliant. He lost his job through his behaviour in 2005 and went from being a senior health administrator back to clinical nursing, which further angered him and made him lash out at the girls and I regularly. He would pull my hair, threaten me with knives, hit me with saucepans, humiliate me in front of my friends - and I stupidly stayed on believing in those marriage vows, while all the more blanking my life out with more and more red wine.
I hit rock bottom (or so I thought) in 2007. In July of that year, my husband(at 39 years old) had a stroke which saw him in hospital for 9 weeks. His behaviour became even worse - he would scream at me if I was ten minutes late getting to the hospital to visit him etc. I was working full time, trying to support my children through a very traumatic time with no outside support and - guess what - even more drinking - 2 litres of red wine a night. My Mum came to stay in September 2007- she arrived on a Friday. I had started drinking at lunch time that day, continued after work, continued when I got home and went to bed. I awoke the next morning to excruciating pain in my right leg - apparently I had got up to use the bathroom during the night and fallen and broken both the bones in my right lower leg - and I knew nothing about it until the NEXT MORNING. My husband refused to call an ambulance because I was a "stupid drunken bitch" so I had to crawl across the front lawn in full view of my neighbours and struggle to get into the car so my Mum could take me to hospital.
It was that day I knew that something had to change. I spent ten days in hospital, have a large piece of metal and a bunch of screws in my leg and ongoing pain. I was at home for 8 weeks before I could return even part time to my job - by this stage I was back working in the public service.
On an impulse in November 2007, I flew home to Tasmania to surprise my little sister for her 30th birthday. After the weekend home with my family, I knew two things - I needed to come home to be nurtured and I had to leave my husband!! My drinking was still at dangerous levels.
In August 2008 - I finally came home. I left my husband and children in South Australia and moved home to my parent's house at 42 years of age. My family were flawed by the person I had become and pleaded with me to stop my AL abuse - but I couldn't - there were too many stressors - selling the house in Adelaide, four months without seeing my children, separating from my husband.........
It seems since then and until recently, there has been just one conflict after another with my family and/or my childre and/or my ex-husband. I lost my job - forutnately got another soon after, have had money problems etc - all very stressful. My anxiety has always been a problem - I don't drink anything caffienated, rarely eat chocolate, eat sensibly etc - nothing helps except AL.
I have been with my current partner close on 3 years now. We live together in a house I bought and have a wonderful life .... except for the conflict that arises when my children are here. Until recently, I have used AL to cope with that conflict - however, I am now cracking down on the kids as they really do use our home as a hotel.
One of the biggest tragedies of my life occurred just before Christmas last year. My sister had a baby son who was born extremely prematurely and spent time in the NICU. All seemed to be going OK until I got a call from Mum, asking me to pray for baby Iggy as he was going for an operation - fairly routine apparently. When they opened his tiny belly up in theatre, they found that his gut had died and that he had no chance of living. The next call I got from Mum was to arrange to go to the hospital to say goodbye to my tiny nephew.... in the 22 days of his life, I saw him three times, got to touch him once and then to hold his tiny body to say goodbye!!! It was the hardest thing me and my children have ever had to do (the tears are flowing down my face as I type) and the effect has been so profound. The worst thing is that, for the first time ever in my life, I was not able to "fix" my sister's sorrow at lsoing her son - so, of course, more drinking.
To top it all off, I got done DUI on April and lost my driver's licence. It was a random breath test during a police blitz testing of my suburb. Fortunately, there was no accident, no one was hurt, my reading was very low (although above the legal limit) - it was, surprisingly, my first ever driving offence - so I only lost my licence for 3 months ...... it's bloody inconvenient and I have learnt my lesson. 20 more days of suspension to go!!
BUT - I have now reached a space in my life where I can concentrate on me and my well being. My relationships with my family have become what they are - I am on good terms with both my sisters and my parents. My kids are doing well at school and in general. They live here in Tassie as does my ex-husband and seem well adjusted to the shared care arrangements we have in place. I have a great job, really good friends and a very loving partner. I have reached the space where I no longer need AL to "make it all go away".
Now the tricky bit - how do I make the AL go away?? AL has to go away - I had liver function tests done early in the year - my GGT was over 2000 - it's supposed to be below 50!!!!!!!!!
I am 45 years old next week and have plenty to live for - so here goes.
I am day 2 AF, using Campral and Valium. I have been down this path before but I am praying that I am in the right head space to make some decent headway into being AF this time.
Anyhow, this is hardly a summary - more of a litany - if you made it to the end - thank you for reading.
Sincerely
RG
I was introduced to AL at a very young age - as a small child I lived in the Australian desert and often, I am told, shared a beer with my dad. My parents were of the generation that believed if you introduced alcohol early, it would make your kids responsible drinkers later in life - how far from the truth has that proven to be???So, AL has been a part of my life forever, which is pretty common for a lot of Australians. My Dad was a fairly big drinker in his younger years - he has slowed with age but I can see it is an effort for him when he chooses not to drink - I have seen him raucously drunk over the years many a time. My mother did not have her first drink unitl she was 21 and would be unlikely to consume the sum total of two bottles of wine a year. I have one sister like Dad and I - who loves a drink; my other sister rarely ever drinks...go figure, families
I had a happy upbringing in a loving family. We live in Tasmania which is the little island below the mainland of Australia. We did lots of outdoorsy stuff as kids, particularly with our Dad.
I finished my final year of pre-university study when I had just turned 17 - at which time I announced to my parents that I would be going to the pub with my friends despite being underage (18 is the legal drinking age in Australia) and that I would wear the consequences if caught. So I went, I drank and I was never caught.
Fast forward a couple of years and I commenced training as a registered nurse and got used to drinking at wacky hours - in the morning, after a night shift with breakfast etc. When I completed my training, I moved to South Australia to work - there were the usual nurse parties etc but I lived alone for a while and generally did not have alcohol in the house.
Then I met the man who became my husband - he did not drink a great deal; his vice was marijuana. We married in 1991 and moved back to Tasmania to live - which we did for 8 1/2 years - all of which were relatively happy. We had two children during that time, both girls - 2 1/2 years apart.
In 1999 we made the decision to relocate back to South Australia; which we did in the December of 1999. I think it all started going downhill from there. My parents-in-law lived near us; however, they were not used to having the grandkids around and offered very little support. I was used to having both my sisters and my Mum for support so this came as a shock to me. My drinking began to escalate during 2000 and hasn't stopped since. I had commenced a law degree prior to leaving Tasmania and finished that cross institutionally at the end of 2000. I then went on to complete the necessary study to become a practising lawyer. I was working as a public servant; however, I desperately wanted to practise law in a private firm. As more and more applications went by without me even getting an interview, I became depressed and began drinking about 1 litre of red wine a day.
In 2003 I landed the "dream" job - I was working as a "real" lawyer. Guess what - lawyers drink lots - and usually on Friday from lunch time to whenever. So I often staggered in home at 8 or 9 on a Friday night - much to my husband's anger.
In July 2003, my husband had a heart attack at 35 years old - I think that is where it all started going pear shaped. He developed depression and became really volatile and abusive. He bagan smoking massive amounts of marijuana. In late 2004 he was diagnosed as bi polar for which, for a time, he became medication compliant. He lost his job through his behaviour in 2005 and went from being a senior health administrator back to clinical nursing, which further angered him and made him lash out at the girls and I regularly. He would pull my hair, threaten me with knives, hit me with saucepans, humiliate me in front of my friends - and I stupidly stayed on believing in those marriage vows, while all the more blanking my life out with more and more red wine.
I hit rock bottom (or so I thought) in 2007. In July of that year, my husband(at 39 years old) had a stroke which saw him in hospital for 9 weeks. His behaviour became even worse - he would scream at me if I was ten minutes late getting to the hospital to visit him etc. I was working full time, trying to support my children through a very traumatic time with no outside support and - guess what - even more drinking - 2 litres of red wine a night. My Mum came to stay in September 2007- she arrived on a Friday. I had started drinking at lunch time that day, continued after work, continued when I got home and went to bed. I awoke the next morning to excruciating pain in my right leg - apparently I had got up to use the bathroom during the night and fallen and broken both the bones in my right lower leg - and I knew nothing about it until the NEXT MORNING. My husband refused to call an ambulance because I was a "stupid drunken bitch" so I had to crawl across the front lawn in full view of my neighbours and struggle to get into the car so my Mum could take me to hospital.
It was that day I knew that something had to change. I spent ten days in hospital, have a large piece of metal and a bunch of screws in my leg and ongoing pain. I was at home for 8 weeks before I could return even part time to my job - by this stage I was back working in the public service.
On an impulse in November 2007, I flew home to Tasmania to surprise my little sister for her 30th birthday. After the weekend home with my family, I knew two things - I needed to come home to be nurtured and I had to leave my husband!! My drinking was still at dangerous levels.
In August 2008 - I finally came home. I left my husband and children in South Australia and moved home to my parent's house at 42 years of age. My family were flawed by the person I had become and pleaded with me to stop my AL abuse - but I couldn't - there were too many stressors - selling the house in Adelaide, four months without seeing my children, separating from my husband.........
It seems since then and until recently, there has been just one conflict after another with my family and/or my childre and/or my ex-husband. I lost my job - forutnately got another soon after, have had money problems etc - all very stressful. My anxiety has always been a problem - I don't drink anything caffienated, rarely eat chocolate, eat sensibly etc - nothing helps except AL.
I have been with my current partner close on 3 years now. We live together in a house I bought and have a wonderful life .... except for the conflict that arises when my children are here. Until recently, I have used AL to cope with that conflict - however, I am now cracking down on the kids as they really do use our home as a hotel.
One of the biggest tragedies of my life occurred just before Christmas last year. My sister had a baby son who was born extremely prematurely and spent time in the NICU. All seemed to be going OK until I got a call from Mum, asking me to pray for baby Iggy as he was going for an operation - fairly routine apparently. When they opened his tiny belly up in theatre, they found that his gut had died and that he had no chance of living. The next call I got from Mum was to arrange to go to the hospital to say goodbye to my tiny nephew.... in the 22 days of his life, I saw him three times, got to touch him once and then to hold his tiny body to say goodbye!!! It was the hardest thing me and my children have ever had to do (the tears are flowing down my face as I type) and the effect has been so profound. The worst thing is that, for the first time ever in my life, I was not able to "fix" my sister's sorrow at lsoing her son - so, of course, more drinking.
To top it all off, I got done DUI on April and lost my driver's licence. It was a random breath test during a police blitz testing of my suburb. Fortunately, there was no accident, no one was hurt, my reading was very low (although above the legal limit) - it was, surprisingly, my first ever driving offence - so I only lost my licence for 3 months ...... it's bloody inconvenient and I have learnt my lesson. 20 more days of suspension to go!!
BUT - I have now reached a space in my life where I can concentrate on me and my well being. My relationships with my family have become what they are - I am on good terms with both my sisters and my parents. My kids are doing well at school and in general. They live here in Tassie as does my ex-husband and seem well adjusted to the shared care arrangements we have in place. I have a great job, really good friends and a very loving partner. I have reached the space where I no longer need AL to "make it all go away".
Now the tricky bit - how do I make the AL go away?? AL has to go away - I had liver function tests done early in the year - my GGT was over 2000 - it's supposed to be below 50!!!!!!!!!
I am 45 years old next week and have plenty to live for - so here goes.
I am day 2 AF, using Campral and Valium. I have been down this path before but I am praying that I am in the right head space to make some decent headway into being AF this time.
Anyhow, this is hardly a summary - more of a litany - if you made it to the end - thank you for reading.
Sincerely
RG
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