a bit about me

[Suzanna]

Hi everyone, I've been around awhile but had not posted my story yet, and I felt that it was something I needed to do to really be involved in this wonderful community. I am female, 48 years old, mom and dad both have/had drinking problems, my sister went through AA and my brother is currently working in the AA program, running meetings and mentoring others. I am the classic middle child, trying not to rock the boat and be the good kid so nobody has to worry about me. I'm trying to think if I should post parental stuff, or because I am an adult and have been for awhile I'll just own up to my own stuff. I drink wine every night pretty much, not sloshed but cannot not have it around. That bothers me, I wish I could just leave it. I drink at home mostly alone and just fall asleep. Or pass out? What bothers me is that I cannot just not have it, I have gone some AF nights but they usually involve a sleeping pill or some melatonin, some crutch. One night my son was in a car accident, he was okay but what if he wasn't? Hubby went to get him, I didn't learn of it till the next morning. That just really hurt to write. Another time, a few years ago, Hubby had severe stomach pain, woke me up to take him to the hospital, and I drove there drunk. It was diverticulitis, they sent him home and he had to go back the next day so I just made sure I was sober. He almost died! Anyway, I am not really present, and had some close calls. I have reduced intake somewhat when I take sups. Enjoy reading the posts and getting to know everyone. Suz

[Saint Jude]

a bit about me

Hi Suzanna,
Seems we have a lot in common. Before finding this place, I was very unavailable... a lot! I'm still so ashamed of some of the events that I've missed due to being drunk.
I missed a party my Family threw for my Husband & myself after we got married. We were married down in Tahoe, Calif. But after coming home to Ore., my Family wanted to have a big reception, for us. I guess subconsciously I didn't really want it... or something!!

Anyway, I was too drunk & hungover, puking to even make an appearance. My poor Hubby had to go and cut the cake alone, with mostly all my Family there, and only his parents, for support.

Bet he was having a few second thoughts about then...
The man must love me. I've put him thru soo much. As well as my own Family.

We also missed a BB King concert (he has the same B-day as me) we had tickets wayyyy in advance... But I guess I needed to start drinkin like a friggin fish for a week or 2 first! I was too sick to even go party! My Hubby is a huge Blues fan. That's something , I can never give back to him. It was BB Kings' 80th B-day... not gonna happen again. Nor will our wedding reception.
When I think of how selfish I've been....

But we can't change the past.
Thank God for second chances. I really do thank for them... EVERY day.:h

Sorry, I didn't mean to write a book here. Just what you wrote hit home with me.


Also we live in a remote area, so if anything happens, I need to be available, and reliable, it's important.
:l Judie

[Paddy]

a bit about me

Thanks for sharing this, Suzanna. I feel exactly the same. While not getting to the point of being drunk, I regularly empty a bottle of wine. And that worries me. My family from both mum and dad's sides have been alcoholics.

And while I'm not yet AF, I believe the best way for me to avoid the same fate is to become totally abstinent.

Anyway, good to read you.

Patrick

[Suzanna]

a bit about me

wow

I cannot believe how generous and supportive you all have been. Saint Jude, I feel greatly what you wrote. We all have these things we keep inside but must admit to to have growth.Thank you for your reply, it made my heart leap to have such support and commisseration. We are lucky to have our loved ones supporting us and still with us. I bet we have given them more good days than bad? Fan, it's okay the Suzanna joke, I am deep south here :h Patrick, it sounds like we have alot in common. We are on this journey together, believe me, I am on the journey, just not as evolved as some but I am full of admiration for all of you... Suz

[bestlifeldms]

a bit about me

Suzanna,

Your story is very familiar, to many of us. The worry of, "What if something happens and I am too drunk to respond?" has been a little voice in the back of my mind for years.

My twin boys were in an accident several years ago with two other friends. Those two friends were life-flighted to a major metro hospital. My boys were taken by ambulance to our local hospital. Thank God I had been out to dinner with our daughter and her husband who were here visiting. I had only had one cocktail with dinner. I was on my best behavior, for a change. My husband was working and living out of town through the week during that time. So, I spent most of evenings sipping my way into a stupor.

My blood runs cold when I think of how I would have felt if I couldn't have responded for my kids. Someone was watching over them, and me that night.

Anyway, glad you are here with us. We can do this!

Hugs :l

Best

[keke]

a bit about me

Hi, I am wondering if anyone knows of a nice (inexpensive) place one like female can go to start this program without any distractions? I live in Northern California and need a retreat that is not an AA based rehab center. Thanks

[weemelonhead]

a bit about me

Hi Suzanna....I agree with Jude the Saintly...Thank GOD for second chances (although each 0f my second chances seem to have had nine lives...each of these have had nine lives und so weiter) and echo the words of fan..it's the going forward NOW that counts.
We all muck up, and the guilt can tear you apart for years afterwards...My mind is slowly becoming clearer though as I realise that I am trying really hard to ensure that any muck ups I have in the future will never be drink related....
you say that your intake slowed when you were taking sups..is this something you are doing now?.....if so keep going Suz.....If not, have you thought about trying these again...the ones mentioned on this site are wonderful, they give you that extra helping hand once the resolution is there to knock this problem on the head.....here's to you girl, thanks for sharing your story, FORRRRARRRRDDDDD! MARCH!!!!!
Melon xoxo

[Suzanna]

a bit about me

Weemelonhead, my intake is up and down, depending on how regularly I have been taking the supps. I am trying, but I'm not AF yet, don't know if I am hoping I can moderate but maybe I'm just fooling myself, I might have to go abs, and that will be okay if it is true, I'm going to coast through this holiday season, not being miss party pants, just take my supps and moderate (figure out the drink tracker) and then assess in the New Year. I am also doing the holosync program that others have mentioned on holistic healing board, doing my meditations regularly. Fan, thank you for forward-looking encouragement. I have been following alot of you guys on the boards for a while, Saint Jude, Fan, and alot of new folks too. Paddy I hope you are doing okay, you and I seem to be at the same place. Bestfieldlms, we had angels looking out for our children, I truly believe that. But I'm stunned when I think what could have been.

[Saint Jude]

a bit about me

Yes I'd have to agree with you on that Susan. There have way too many times I've walked away from accidents, when I shoudn't even be alive. Not to mention things I've tried to do on purpose. I do believe I've had an angel or 2 looking out for me.:wings: My Hubby says I must be one of the luckiest people he's ever met... I think there's more to it than meets the eye.
I just try to live good & not take it for granted, like I used to.


Keke, have you read the MWO book yet? You can order it online or download it from this website. Keep reading & posting. Welcome aboard! Hope to see you around. Good luck, this is a great place to start!:h

:l Judie

[Suzanna]

a bit about me

yo Keke!

Hi Keke, didn't mean to slip by you. This program is designed to be done at home, what I do is get up early to listen to the hypnotic cd's, then all you are doing is taking the supps, come on the boards here at MWO to read and post with others just like you, and exercise, read the book, the only part that is outside the home is getting the medications from your doctor, or some folks post that they get them from their psychiatrists or nurse practitioners. Read the book and see what it is all about. :welcome:

[Lashly]

a bit about me

"It's better in The Bahamas"

keke wrote: Hi, I am wondering if anyone knows of a nice (inexpensive) place one like female can go to start this program without any distractions? I live in Northern California and need a retreat that is not an AA based rehab center. Thanks

I live in Th Bahamas - the saying goes - "Its' better in The Bahamas!" BUt, we do drink here

[lushy]

a bit about me

Hey Suz, I notice you are doing the Holosync CDs. I have bought them but have not found the time to listen because I am worried I will fall asleep. So you get up early to listen? You just sit in a chair or couch? Are you noticing anything from them? I would be curious to have any feedback on how best to make it work for me because they sound great.

Oh and welcome by the way. And Happy Holidays to you......

[Lashly]

a bit about me

:new:

Hi All,
I can relate to the family background - My Dad was an alcoholic, my two uncles were, my cousin was and has been off the boose for about ten years, my grandfather was and the other liked it a lot, my sister had her problems with and so did my brother and I am sure I am leaving out 2 or 3, but that gene pool is definitely something and then again, others think it's garbage.
Anyway, my wine is getting out of control. Half way thru lunch yesterday, I don't remember what happend afterwards. Bad deal.
I drink wine every day, however today I listend to track 1 and 2 and took all the vitamins - but I don't have topo and want to know if the program will work without it? I mean, I've been depressed for 5 years, and have weaned myself down to one anti-depresseant every other day. I don't want to take any more drugs for one thing and feel funny asking the doctor for it. What do you all have to say????
By the way, it's intersting reading your stories as it makes me feel that I'm really not alone. There's someone else that I can chat with - besides my husband, who drinks every day - wine - and really doesn't want me to stop.
Thanks

[Suzanna]

a bit about me

holosync

Hi Lush, Happy holidays to you too! :h

I do the holosync in the morning and I lay down, so right there I'm not doing what they recommend. But I do feel like I'm going deep. Also I've loaded dive and immersion onto my i-pod shuffle so it's easy to grab and I really have to call them to see if the quality of the recordings is compromised by doing that. I don't know, because sometimes when I'm done it's like I'm made of lead trying to get up. So I feel it is still working. How are you doing with holosync? I feel like little things that used to annoy me don't so much anymore, and at work I'm more focused.

Lashly, you are definitely in the right place. I'm not doing the topa either, but the sups do help. I didn't like the way I felt on topa but others have had no problem and great success with it. If I find I need to try topa again, I will, because I have to weigh the topa feeling against the effects of drinking. Suz

[Suzanna]

a bit about me

Oh Lush, I read back and see you hadn't tried them yet. Let me know when you try them what you think. Suz