A big hello to our other members.
I have been browsing this site as a guest for a few months now, but today I have decided to actually become a member. I need to dramatically cut down the amount I drink and personally need all the support from people who understand, not those who judge.
Basically this is my story....as brief as possible.
I was brought up in a very strict Indian family, where it was acceptable for my dad and brothers to drink, go to the pub, but I was told that women do not drink. I myself had no intention of drinking then anyway. My dad used to get abusive and everyday was a fear whether I'd get a beating today. It didn't help that my mum died of cancer when I was 3 and I was brought up by my step-mum who couldn't even be a friend to me. The only time I got love from her was when I had done all the cooking and cleaning and other mudane tasks so that she was more free. Anyway, when I was 18 my dad told me under no circumstances was I allowed to go uni and he would be looking for a suitable husband for me. After much begging I managed to convince him to let me work. After a short few months I met a guy and we starting dating. That's was when I experienced my first drop of alcohol. But it wasn't an issue, it was just a few drinks as there was no way I could justify being late more than few hours to my dad and definately not if I went home drunk. Soon the relationship fizzled out and by the end of the year (2000) my dad had found a suitable husband for me.
Although it was an arranged marriage, my dad did say to me I had a choice to say no if I did not like the guy. But as destiny would have it, the guy was not only adorable, but we clicked. 10 months on we got marrried (we still are married). Life took a turn for the best. My husband loved me like I had never been loved before. He treated me like his equal and gave me the freedom to do things I want to do. Don't get me wrong we had our ups and down, but I found my soul mate in him. About 3 years ago I had a run-in with my step-mum and since then I have been disowned by them, but my husband has stuck by me in all of it.
With the freedom came the pub lunches, dinners and take aways washed down with wine and beer. At the time I didn't realise it was a problem, but looking back it was. We were arguing more and by the morning it was a slanging match as to who said what and neither of us could remember why we were arguing in the first place....we could only see the damage down to the house (fists through the door, plates smashed up). We would clean up the house, make up and then go and get some more drink for the evening.
I live with my mother-in-law and although she is a diamond, she started to interfere. Sometimes I think it's out of genuine concern, but then it feels like it's a personal attack. She is teetotal and despises drink. I get comments from her that her son never drank until we got married and when her daughter comes for dinner and gets plastered it's my fault. I learnt a few years ago, when my sister-in-law argued with her mum who accused her of being drunk, and my sister-in-law blamed it on me that I had offered it to her. I literally left a bottle of wine on the table. No one forced it down her throat. But because I also drink my mother-in-law turned onto me instead. I get blamed for everyone else drinking.
I look back on the past 5 years I have been married and I have nothing to show for it. I'm in debt, the house needs decorating, but we don't have the money. I have pawned most of my gold. I've put on 3 stone since I got married (although some people would say that's contentment but I'm sure the alcohol has contributed to my buddha belly). I won't buy clothes that I like because I don't have the money, but somehow manage to find money for drink.
I don't even drink with my husband (for the fear of argument). He will be upstairs in the bedroom drinking his beer with his music and I drink my wine/vodka downstairs watching t.v. I'm reading Allen Carr's book Easyway to control drinking and it's really put it in perspective how drinking is a mental thing. I'm miserable when I can't drink and guilty when I do. I just hope I can give it up, because of all the problems it causes. I don't drink during the day, but in the evenings. But whenever I go to parties where I know there will be no alcohol, I take some in my handbag. I just hope 2007 gives me the strenght to control it. Ideally I would like to just have a drink on occasion like my birthday, anniversary, but whether I can do that is a big ?
Thanks for taking the time for reading this. I know I said it would be brief!!!! lol. But just even writing this has made me think about how I want my life back. I'm 25 years old and get told I look 30. I guess the drink has taken it's toll on my looks too. Don't get me wrong, I'm not vain, but just want me confidence back.
I have been browsing this site as a guest for a few months now, but today I have decided to actually become a member. I need to dramatically cut down the amount I drink and personally need all the support from people who understand, not those who judge.
Basically this is my story....as brief as possible.
I was brought up in a very strict Indian family, where it was acceptable for my dad and brothers to drink, go to the pub, but I was told that women do not drink. I myself had no intention of drinking then anyway. My dad used to get abusive and everyday was a fear whether I'd get a beating today. It didn't help that my mum died of cancer when I was 3 and I was brought up by my step-mum who couldn't even be a friend to me. The only time I got love from her was when I had done all the cooking and cleaning and other mudane tasks so that she was more free. Anyway, when I was 18 my dad told me under no circumstances was I allowed to go uni and he would be looking for a suitable husband for me. After much begging I managed to convince him to let me work. After a short few months I met a guy and we starting dating. That's was when I experienced my first drop of alcohol. But it wasn't an issue, it was just a few drinks as there was no way I could justify being late more than few hours to my dad and definately not if I went home drunk. Soon the relationship fizzled out and by the end of the year (2000) my dad had found a suitable husband for me.
Although it was an arranged marriage, my dad did say to me I had a choice to say no if I did not like the guy. But as destiny would have it, the guy was not only adorable, but we clicked. 10 months on we got marrried (we still are married). Life took a turn for the best. My husband loved me like I had never been loved before. He treated me like his equal and gave me the freedom to do things I want to do. Don't get me wrong we had our ups and down, but I found my soul mate in him. About 3 years ago I had a run-in with my step-mum and since then I have been disowned by them, but my husband has stuck by me in all of it.
With the freedom came the pub lunches, dinners and take aways washed down with wine and beer. At the time I didn't realise it was a problem, but looking back it was. We were arguing more and by the morning it was a slanging match as to who said what and neither of us could remember why we were arguing in the first place....we could only see the damage down to the house (fists through the door, plates smashed up). We would clean up the house, make up and then go and get some more drink for the evening.
I live with my mother-in-law and although she is a diamond, she started to interfere. Sometimes I think it's out of genuine concern, but then it feels like it's a personal attack. She is teetotal and despises drink. I get comments from her that her son never drank until we got married and when her daughter comes for dinner and gets plastered it's my fault. I learnt a few years ago, when my sister-in-law argued with her mum who accused her of being drunk, and my sister-in-law blamed it on me that I had offered it to her. I literally left a bottle of wine on the table. No one forced it down her throat. But because I also drink my mother-in-law turned onto me instead. I get blamed for everyone else drinking.
I look back on the past 5 years I have been married and I have nothing to show for it. I'm in debt, the house needs decorating, but we don't have the money. I have pawned most of my gold. I've put on 3 stone since I got married (although some people would say that's contentment but I'm sure the alcohol has contributed to my buddha belly). I won't buy clothes that I like because I don't have the money, but somehow manage to find money for drink.
I don't even drink with my husband (for the fear of argument). He will be upstairs in the bedroom drinking his beer with his music and I drink my wine/vodka downstairs watching t.v. I'm reading Allen Carr's book Easyway to control drinking and it's really put it in perspective how drinking is a mental thing. I'm miserable when I can't drink and guilty when I do. I just hope I can give it up, because of all the problems it causes. I don't drink during the day, but in the evenings. But whenever I go to parties where I know there will be no alcohol, I take some in my handbag. I just hope 2007 gives me the strenght to control it. Ideally I would like to just have a drink on occasion like my birthday, anniversary, but whether I can do that is a big ?
Thanks for taking the time for reading this. I know I said it would be brief!!!! lol. But just even writing this has made me think about how I want my life back. I'm 25 years old and get told I look 30. I guess the drink has taken it's toll on my looks too. Don't get me wrong, I'm not vain, but just want me confidence back.
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