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Rise and Fall of this alcoholic

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    Rise and Fall of this alcoholic

    I have always liked a drink, I started drinking regularly at about 17... It was binge drinking at first, I left school early and lived with my parents so found it very easy to spend entire paychecks on weekend (sessions) down 1 bar in a neighboring town who didn't really seem to care about my ID. These weekend binges carried on until I was 18 when I found it much easier to get hold of booze and would buy it from the store and drink most evenings after work, not always heavy amounts but the days on drink increased.

    It didn't take my family long to realise that I was starting to develop a drinking problem, but I ignored their advice thinking I knew best... eventually at 19 I left home and went to live with my girlfriend and the pattern continued to be moderate drinking with the occasional heavy binges.

    The real turning point in my drinking levels occured in 2004 when I was 22 my baby boy died at 1 month old, I was pretty messed up and tried to stay strong for my partner. Increasingly I found the only way to do this was with alcohol to numb the mental pain I was in (It's only now I realise what a mistake that was).. It was at this stage I started drinking during the day.

    I spent the next 6 years as a functioning alcoholic, that is I was able to control my drinking enough to be able to stop for short times when I needed to. But of course my tolerance for booze was growing and I was regularly drinking 8 cans of strong lager a day... by the end of 2010 my wife left me taking the kids and I was unable to control the drinking any more, and moved on to hard liquor Vodka and Whisky etc. This was really the point at which I went over the edge, i felt I had nothing to live for.

    I would drink till I passed out, then when I woke sit there and shake and sweat until 8am when I could go and get some more liquor from the store, drink that and repeat the cycle, I borrowed money off of everybody and anybody and increased my alcohol intake until I physicly and financially could not cope. I was ignorant of the damage I was doing to my body. During one drunken escapade I lost all my money and having lost all my money found myself in a bad place with alcohol withdrawal. The next day the sweats and shakes were pretty hard to cope with, I tried having a bath but had to abandon that plan as I feared I was going to lose pass out. The night was worse with vivid dreams and hallucinations accompanying the physical symptoms, the symptoms got worse and I had what I think was a fit... They rushed me to the Emergency department and gave me a dose of librium. I thought at this stage I was saved but they discharged me with advice to cut down.

    I was a wreck by this point, and sold all of my belongings of value to get enough liquor taper off, but being the weak willed alcoholic I am I soon started drinking over the quota and within day drunk it all. That night I tried killing myself in a drunken state because I had reached absolute rock bottom, but I found I couldn't do it. At 10am the next morning the police arrived and took me to the hospital. Apparently I had posted a scuicide note via email. Something which I still don't remember doing.

    I spent 1 month inside a secure unit at hospital and completed a 10 day detox, I told myself over and over in hospital despite cravings for alcohol I wouldn't drink again. I left the hospital at start of this month. And it did not take long until the old demons for drink were back, I had a major lapse for 2 days last week and found myself back in the emergency department with a head injury. Now its been 1 week AF and I have been given Campral for the cravings... which fingers crossed seems to be working ok at the moment, although its only 333 i might see if they can up the dose.

    Sorry for such a rambling confession, I'm glad I found this forum as I guess the best people to understand are those in similar situations.

    #2
    Rise and Fall of this alcoholic

    Welcome edubya81
    I'm glad you found this site. So sorry to hear of all the troubles you have been through. On the flip side you will be so much happier with out the alcohol. I'm glad the Campral is helping.
    There is a thread called Newbies Nest where you will find people just starting out on this site, although many of us are at various stages in our struggle. There are a lot of success stories here as well. I look forward to reading yours.:welcome:
    Wally22:confusedmonkey::confusedmonkey::confusedmo nkey:
    If I don't want to brag but I can still wear the earings I wore in highschool
    November 2, 2012

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      #3
      Rise and Fall of this alcoholic

      I wish you luck E81! Your story sounds somewhat similar to mine except mine binging was for about 20 years, then something kicked me into the daily drinking and the Vodka. Have you set up any kind of plan and are you using any other support networks like AA or counseling? I got to the point where I was able to finally quit and stay happily sober just using my own program and the support of an internet forum, but many people do need face to face help as well.

      The board is a great resource, and if you need any help feel free to PM me.

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        #4
        Rise and Fall of this alcoholic

        You are on a journey of self-discovery and there will be things that are just plain not pretty that you will find out about why you drank as much as you did. Coping with these things will be difficult and the desire to numb that pain with alcohol will be profound. Be strong and find support...as much as you can get. Here may not be enough but I find the MWO community to be very kind, caring and supportive. Good luck!

        Good luck and do check in here everyday if you can.
        Is Addiction Really a Disease?
        Watch this and find out....
        http://youtu.be/ekDFv7TTZ4I

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          #5
          Rise and Fall of this alcoholic

          Welcome Edubya81,

          This is a great place for support. The newbies nest in the just starting out section is a very busy and positive thread. I post there most often. This forum is a little different than others, in that there is one main "topic" and various threads that people post on.

          The first thread in the monthly abstinance section is the toolbox. Lots of techniques in there.

          I found the concepts of witching hour and urge surfing to be very helpful at the very beginning.
          "When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them." Analects of Confucius
          AF 11/12/11

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