Me posting on this forum is a big deal. For me anyway. I spend a lot of time on the internet, and usually keep away from forums. Not through anything wrong with them, I've just never felt the need to share my opinion. And thus through the internet, I can be myself.
I've come here because I feel that i have a drinking problem. This is the first time I've even considered admitting it - but it makes sense. And I'm tired of it. I don't even know how to tell you - even protected by the anonymity of the internet - i feel disgusted, embarrassed and ashamed of myself.
For years I've had General Anxiety Order (GAD) and I've only ever drank to quell the thoughts that I have. When I start to panic, I have a drink. And once I've had one drink, I have another, and another, and so on until I pass out. (Just typing this now - I have no idea how I've lied to myself over the years). I need to stop.
Both my housemates drink - and smoke - and one of the reasons that I am comfortable drinking is that we all drink together. We can generally drink through and entire carton - between 3 of us - every night. I hide it from my girlfriend, I routinely wake up and have a beer - sometimes 2 - before work (I fortunately don't live with my girlfriend), but the real problem is I cant sleep without it. If I start to fall asleep; I panic. For anyone who has anxiety attacks, I panic about dieing, or "Impending Doom". Now the anxiety during the day I can control, But at night it comes in troves. I cannot sleep, my anxiety is so bad i sometimes hallucinate bats flying around the room which is dimly lit by a streetlight. Looking into the back of my eyelids i visualise strange enactments (Not dreaming; I'm still awake, its grey and black dots that come together) the enactments which are of horrifying scenes.
My fear of the anxiety and panic is why ive always told myself is why i drink. I'm praying theres someone on this forum that has been there and can help me. I'm tired of not being able to pay bills because of how much money I spend on alcohol. I'm tired of feeling like crap until I have another beer. I'm tired of drinking just that little too much the night before and waking up in a puddle of my own piss. I'm just done - I don't care what it takes, I want it out of my life.
I've come here because I feel that i have a drinking problem. This is the first time I've even considered admitting it - but it makes sense. And I'm tired of it. I don't even know how to tell you - even protected by the anonymity of the internet - i feel disgusted, embarrassed and ashamed of myself.
For years I've had General Anxiety Order (GAD) and I've only ever drank to quell the thoughts that I have. When I start to panic, I have a drink. And once I've had one drink, I have another, and another, and so on until I pass out. (Just typing this now - I have no idea how I've lied to myself over the years). I need to stop.
Both my housemates drink - and smoke - and one of the reasons that I am comfortable drinking is that we all drink together. We can generally drink through and entire carton - between 3 of us - every night. I hide it from my girlfriend, I routinely wake up and have a beer - sometimes 2 - before work (I fortunately don't live with my girlfriend), but the real problem is I cant sleep without it. If I start to fall asleep; I panic. For anyone who has anxiety attacks, I panic about dieing, or "Impending Doom". Now the anxiety during the day I can control, But at night it comes in troves. I cannot sleep, my anxiety is so bad i sometimes hallucinate bats flying around the room which is dimly lit by a streetlight. Looking into the back of my eyelids i visualise strange enactments (Not dreaming; I'm still awake, its grey and black dots that come together) the enactments which are of horrifying scenes.
My fear of the anxiety and panic is why ive always told myself is why i drink. I'm praying theres someone on this forum that has been there and can help me. I'm tired of not being able to pay bills because of how much money I spend on alcohol. I'm tired of feeling like crap until I have another beer. I'm tired of drinking just that little too much the night before and waking up in a puddle of my own piss. I'm just done - I don't care what it takes, I want it out of my life.
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