I am not sure I can find the courage to be as open and honest and vulnerable as those who I have read about - I will try - becasue I know I have to start somewhere. Here goes. :new:
Tomorrow (1/31/12) I will turn 53. I want to stop drinking. I just can't have A glass of wine - i have a FEW glasses of wine every night. If I have had a stressful work day - then thats all I consume. I can detect a pattern over the last year related to stress - but really I know deep in my soul that I have always had an addiction to alcohol. I could for a long time handle it - but not anymore, as I got older the effects of alcohol have brought me to the realization that I have been nothing but absolutley lucky - and its just a matter of time if I don't stop - I will hurt someone else and or myself. Truth be told: At first I love the way my 2nd glass of wine makes me feel - like many posts I can relate to - It gives me (false) confidence, makes me feel like I can talk to anyone I want to - say anything I want to, and if I want - do anything I want to. THEN REGRET IT ALL THE NEXT DAY when i wake up. I just did it again... Went to dinner for my birthday - my husband - 3 other couples - all our long time best friends - wine all around - great food - good fun (by the way they all consume way too much as well...) then all the sudden its ME whos OVER THE TOP. When did that happen? Why do I think I wasn't consuming as much as Ifeel? Next thing you know I'm talking to strangers - wandering off - and playing the giddy drunk - once again I become the next days conversation. I now realize there are things that I don't remember at all anymore - not good. I want to change me. I don't like her very much. thanks for reading- I'll check back in - I'm not good at being consistant. But as long as i don't have a drink I will be reminded that I "posted" here and try and remember to give myself the chance to get support from others like me. Happy birthday to me - my gift to me on my birthday this year is not to have a drink.
Tomorrow (1/31/12) I will turn 53. I want to stop drinking. I just can't have A glass of wine - i have a FEW glasses of wine every night. If I have had a stressful work day - then thats all I consume. I can detect a pattern over the last year related to stress - but really I know deep in my soul that I have always had an addiction to alcohol. I could for a long time handle it - but not anymore, as I got older the effects of alcohol have brought me to the realization that I have been nothing but absolutley lucky - and its just a matter of time if I don't stop - I will hurt someone else and or myself. Truth be told: At first I love the way my 2nd glass of wine makes me feel - like many posts I can relate to - It gives me (false) confidence, makes me feel like I can talk to anyone I want to - say anything I want to, and if I want - do anything I want to. THEN REGRET IT ALL THE NEXT DAY when i wake up. I just did it again... Went to dinner for my birthday - my husband - 3 other couples - all our long time best friends - wine all around - great food - good fun (by the way they all consume way too much as well...) then all the sudden its ME whos OVER THE TOP. When did that happen? Why do I think I wasn't consuming as much as Ifeel? Next thing you know I'm talking to strangers - wandering off - and playing the giddy drunk - once again I become the next days conversation. I now realize there are things that I don't remember at all anymore - not good. I want to change me. I don't like her very much. thanks for reading- I'll check back in - I'm not good at being consistant. But as long as i don't have a drink I will be reminded that I "posted" here and try and remember to give myself the chance to get support from others like me. Happy birthday to me - my gift to me on my birthday this year is not to have a drink.
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