Loving husband, three great kids, full time work, no support - family abroad.
I grew up in a tropical island. I sure had a lot of fun and kicked around in the sand a lot. Played in the dirt, sand, caught lots of bugs, snorkled, sailed and yes a dreamed alot. My parents are European and have moved back. I moved to the US when I was 19 and began my search for a career and received a bachelor's in Business. I am multi lingual, multi cultural and understand many cultures. I am caucasian on the outside but inside I am a melting pot. People think I have a lot of friend, I am very outgoing. I just don't let anyone get to close. I always tell everyone that I am busy. I have two very good friends thats all. I don't like girl get togethers or tea partys. I like to be with my family.
I met my husband when I was sixteen and we are still happily married. He doesn't drink the way I do, and yes he thinks I drink too much. My kids are great, they do good in school - to popular - and to much going on all the time - that adds to my stress.
I had a great career for 10 years and it got destroyed when I chose to stay at home to raise my kids for 5 years. We also moved to a small town. I do work full time now but it is not the same job I had when I got out of college. I think I feel sorry for myself.
I'm a perfectionist at heart, but don't always practice it. I always have to look great, have my house in order etc. etc. I sound like a desparate house cow.
Anyways, I try to please everyone but myself and don't know what it is I like to do anymore. It's like I don't exist, just an image of perfection. The joke is on me. If my parents new or my husband's parent new they would be shocked. We are the perfect little family to them.
The kids have learned to live with the fact that I drink - I hide it well. I carry on and my husband takes over. No fights, I just dissappear and go to bed.
I want to be myself again. Ambitious and alcohol free.
Sometimes I think I have a mental disorder. I shouldn't feel this way.
There has been alcoholism in my family. Not directly from my parents. but my mother's brother and father's brother. I believe to be cursed.
I wish I could go back to the days where I would have one or two "social" drinks.
Thanks to all of you that respond - I really want to try to get better.
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