I'm so tired of this

[westiesrock]

Hi I'm new. I am so tired of this. I've been around for the last couple of years stalking. Guess I knew inside I had a problem. My drinking escalates big time when I am under extreme stress. I have made an appointment for counseling a week out. But am quite scared to give her the whole truth about my drinking. I do not work outside the home right now due to an upcoming possible relo (again...have lived in 8 different states) due to hubby's career, only this time it won't be by choice. Hubby is out of town M-F as his job is now located out of state. I am a licensed health insurance agent (althought not working right now) so I know I will be unable to acquire health insurance on an individual basis if hubby wishes to retire early, which he would like if I seek treatment. Both of us have held professional jobs, started with nothing and now have something going into retirement. But AL had always been our drug of choice for "self medicating" in times of stress. What started off as social drinking became much more sinister. The difference between he & I is he can cut back by sheer will power and believes I should be able to do the same, but can't. I feel like a failure is his eyes. My grown children live out of state. Needless to say, they are my world because we moved so frequently they WERE and still are my life. Now that I type this I realize how screwed up that sounds. But it was me that gave them the opportunities out there in the world. Go for your dreams while you're young! I still believe that is right but I haven't quite figured out how to drop roots anywhere because of all the moves. Guess I'm just blaming moving. I know this is wrong. I've scheduled with a counselor, have searched online for personal trainers & quit smoking seminars. I know I've got to take action, maybe I'm taking on too much, but I'm panicking at this point. I feel like I know alot of you on MYO because I've read your posts off and on for what I believe is too long. The thought of going to AA destroys me....I guess I've been a closet drinker and smoker for so long & I know what my colleeges think of this kind of activity Or should I just break the bank and say the hell with it? What it with this addictive behavior? I would like to have the self decipline to do this without going "somewhere". I'm hoping some of you out there can give me some guidance and support, accountability.

[Turnagain]

I'm so tired of this

Welcome Westies....

Were we separated at birth? We sure have a lot of similarities. While I haven't moved around much as an adult (did that as a kid - 5 states before I was 10) I know all too well how alcohol isolates and makes our world seem like a small, hopeless place.

You have done a wonderful and courageous thing by posting here. You will find community and new friends who understand exactly what you are dealing with. Like you, I lurked here for years. You have the right instincts about posting. It does create accountability - a sense of responsibility to others and to ourselves.

I am here to tell you that it is possible to overcome these addictions. I'm on day 205 or something like that without a smoke or drink. Getting to the final quit was a process for me in one sense. It took longer because I kept denying I had a problem. And when I did accept that I had a problem, I didn't really know what to do about it. Like you, getting help through insurance just wasn't a realistic option and I am not an AA kinda gal.

Once I got past the physical craving stage of leaving the addictions behind, I dug in deep here on this site and found so much help. I learned the most from those I wanted to be like - the ones who were living fully and having fun by being alcohol free.

Another benefit of posting is that it provides a way for you to mark your progress. When I look back at my first posts, I don't even recognize myself. Life has changed dramatically in the past 6 plus months. And of course, posting helps us help others....we may never know when or how our words give someone just what they need...whether its 10 minutes from now or 10 months or more.

I would encourage you to pop in to the Newbies Nest where there is more traffic and more support. There are a number of other great threads to post in regularly, as well. I am quite comfortable in the Monthly Abstinence area. Wherever you land....I'm glad you're here and I will do whatever I can to help support you as you take back your life from addiction.

[Jolie]

I'm so tired of this

:welcome: Westies

Turnagain has certainly summed up everything I could say so I hope you will drop into the nest and meet all the great people there. We are all struggling - some counting the hours, others counting the months - all with the same goal in mind.

Your thread title summed it all up for me when I first joined. I was very tired of the same routine every day. Get up, go to work, come home and have that first glass of wine which would lead to a bottle+ before the night was over. I've started and stopped here a couple of times since 2009. Been AF since January 2nd and can honestly say at 40+ days, the cravings are very few and far between and I seem to have a different mindset about the whole thing. Life is so much better when it's seen through sober eyes.

Lots here rave about Jason Vale's book (haven't actually read it yet), but I'm sure many others will be along with lots of advice.

Again, welcome and glad to have you here!

[ThreeDogNight]

I'm so tired of this

Hi, Westie.
I echo what the others have already said. I went through a lot before I finally quit and went to rehab in November. I now go to AA five days a week, do on line meetings, too, and have been sober for three months. You can read all my posts for more details, but I know what a struggle it is. And it is progressive; I eventually became an around the clock drinker. I am just grateful I didn't die--or kill anybody while driving drunk.
Keep posting and reading and know that there are so many people here who understand and want to support you!
:lTDN

[Nelz]

I'm so tired of this

Westie,

If you are overly concerned about "advertising" your problem with AL, then why dont you give it a go without shouting it to the mountain tops. Test your willpower, and see just how strong you really are. It can indeed be done.

Seems many people have a lot of luck with the hypno CD's available on this site, as well as a variety of supplements to aid with cravings.

All of these can be done without "scripts" or anyone knowing. If for some reason sheer willpower doesnt work, or the supplements, then AA is an option. I have never been to an AA meeting, but it works for some. I would say dont knock it till you try it. Im helping my wife with a course she is taking, and I have learned a lot about AA I didnt know. Any combination it takes to get through your cravings is ok, it is different for everyone.

This board is a great place to visit as often as you can. Someone will help you by posting, and you may very well help someone else by one of your posts.

If ALL those fail, then maybe look into a professional treatment program. What do you have to lose by trying?

Wishing you all the strength, knowledge, and support needed to win the battle

[westiesrock]

I'm so tired of this

First off thank you all for replying.
Turnagain - your reply meant so much to me. Your optimism, not counting each day AF to the day, having that positive vision in your mind every day resonated with me completely. My grandmother, who I loved dearly and was very close to (although always living out of state) died with a pack of Lucky Strikes under her pillow (everyone thought she had quit 20 yrs. ago) AND at the nursing home (dying with brain cancer) had her best friend bring some whiskey so we could mix drinks (with doctors OK) in the lobby What seemed funny & cute at the time.....I do not want to crave nicotine & alcohol for the rest of my life - that would be hell on earth...not so much different than what I'm feeling right now ...so I am willing to do what it takes but do not wish to go down THAT road. I have read Allen Carr's book and Jason Vales book, Kick the Drink Easily. Also the Power Within You by Louise Hay. Do you know anything about A Course in Miracles & Science of the Mind? Both related to all of the above titles in that you have the power available to you to be the best you can be...that your conscious thought are just that - thoughts. Again, THANKS so much.

[westiesrock]

I'm so tired of this

Okay!!! What's with the timing out? I'm typing away and all of a sudden it's telling me I have to log in again....at the same time deleting every I just typed

[westiesrock]

I'm so tired of this

I'll try this again








I'll try this again....
Jolie - thanks for your kind words of encouragement! It is such a comfort knowing I am not alone in this fight. I'll head over to the Newbies Nest. I can see there is much more activity on that thread. Great job on the 40+ days. I would scream from the rooftops with joy if I got that far!!
Westiesrock

[westiesrock]

I'm so tired of this

Hey Three Dog!
I am not discounting anything at this point. I realize different strokes for different folks. Sometimes (more often than not) I close myself in a box with fears that may or may not materialize. I MUST (notice I'm trying to convince myself ) leave all options open. I'm the most important, not what anyone thinks or the damned insurance companies. I'm so glad you responded and kudos to you for your accomplishment.

[Nelz]

I'm so tired of this

westiesrock;1266129 wrote: Okay!!! What's with the timing out? I'm typing away and all of a sudden it's telling me I have to log in again....at the same time deleting every I just typed

I dont know what the issue is, but its happened to me before, not on this site, but other boards I frequent.

Here's what I do now, because I have found my posts getting longer and longer and longer.....sometimes I wonder if people use it for an Insomnia cure.........lol.


Whenever you happen to think about it, just copy your text, sometimes I do it as much as 5 or 6 times during a reply. It only takes a few seconds, compared to the wasted time, and aggravation from losing a post.

If you time out, all you have to do is paste what you have and Viola, time saved.

Hope that helps.

[westiesrock]

I'm so tired of this

Hey Nelz! Thanks so much for responding. You are so right. I need to start with taking steps to remove alchohol from my life as descreetly as possible at first. I saw a counselor today for 1st visit and also visited an excercise facility for personal training. I though that if I had an appointment I would show up. They say that excercise if the best thing for depression. ($68/session 3 days a week= approx. $900/mo. yikes! I told the counselor when she asked what scale of distressed I was at - 9 out of 10. We have a lot of work to do. She is recommending I read The Artist's Way. She said it's about finding what is important to YOU (and she, the author struggled with alchol). From what I can see on Amazon, it's a 12 week study on finding yourself and what matters most to you. Have you ever heard of it? Sounds interesting. I'm trying to figure out WHY I drink and tackle from that level first. Meanwhile cut back as best I can.
P.S. You're absolutely right about the willpower thing. Always thought I never had much, but why not give it a go??
Thanks!
Westiesrock

[westiesrock]

I'm so tired of this

Hi Nelz!
Yeah I figured that out after it happening 3 times in the last half hour!!!!!
This is the first forum I ever actually logged on to so I haven't quite figured out all the ropes. I may need your assistance in the future!! I'm very computer literate, just a new environment that I need to get used to. (My kids (20 somethings) would say oh Mom....you just have to click here and do this!!!
Thanks!!!!

[Nelz]

I'm so tired of this

westiesrock;1266146 wrote: Hi Nelz!
Yeah I figured that out after it happening 3 times in the last half hour!!!!!
This is the first forum I ever actually logged on to so I haven't quite figured out all the ropes. I may need your assistance in the future!! I'm very computer literate, just a new environment that I need to get used to. (My kids (20 somethings) would say oh Mom....you just have to click here and do this!!!
Thanks!!!!

Well, you just ask away, lets just say I spend a little wayyyyyyyyyy toooo much time on message boards, and can probably help you with any question, if not, we will figure it out together......

I rather enjoy helping others get the full use of this board.

[Nelz]

I'm so tired of this

westiesrock;1266146 wrote: Hi Nelz!
Yeah I figured that out after it happening 3 times in the last half hour!!!!!
This is the first forum I ever actually logged on to so I haven't quite figured out all the ropes. I may need your assistance in the future!! I'm very computer literate, just a new environment that I need to get used to. (My kids (20 somethings) would say oh Mom....you just have to click here and do this!!!
Thanks!!!!

Well, you just ask away, lets just say I spend a little wayyyyyyyyyy toooo much time on message boards, and can probably help you with any question, if not, we will figure it out together......

I rather enjoy helping others get the full use of this board.


You'll be a pro in no time

[westiesrock]

I'm so tired of this

Oh crap Nelz, the response I made to you to did not get there. Must have gotten timed out again.
Thank you so much for your reponse. Your absolutely right that because I think I don't have willpower I probably don't. Need to change my thinking on that! I maybe much stronger than I "think". Worth giving it a go! I'll work on that. Are your a biker? I a married to a gear head!
Thanks also for help on the tech issues!!
Westiesrock
P.S. Can you give me some tips on private message, chat rooms, etc.?