Today marks 30 days of sober living. It has been and continues to be a daily struggle, but the first week was the worst. I went through all the withdrawal symptoms, and my family felt that pain. I had the shakes, went without sleep, was extremely irritable, nauseous, puking etc.... This decision to quit started as a sacrifice for lent, but really was a long time coming. My wife was on the border of leaving me and I certainly would have lost my three children. If you'll listen, let me tell you my story. I started drinking at 15 years old, that was when I started sneaking out of the house at night, and me and a few friends robbed a beer distributer. Soon after we would drink at parties. At about 16 yrs old I got a fake ID and bought my own alcohol from the corner store; once I could buy for myself I started drinking every day. School nights were no exception, and 40oz malt liquors were my passion. Now I didn?t come from a bad family, my parents are still together (40 something years), but as a child I think I was never allowed to explore, I could never be myself, I had no freedom, never had friends over or went to friends houses, no sports, nothing. I attribute their strict behavior to the fact that they both come from extremely dysfunctional families. My grandmother on one side has had 7 marriages, currently and alcoholic and drug user. Drug abuse, alcohol, domestic violence is common and heavy on both sides. Also at 16 me and my friends started a local gang, from then on I was always in trouble, stopped caring, was arrested several times, I robbed, people, houses, cars, ditched school and drank. Soon after I met my wife, who I am still currently married to, and pretty much moved into her house, alcohol and drugs were present there as well. I got married a week after I graduated high school, was denied by all military services except the marines because of my criminal record. So off I went to boot camp to straighten my life, and also had my first child on the way. After boot camp and all other training and being assigned to my first duty station. I regularly (every weekend) left my wife and son at home to go party and of course drink. I was deployed to Iraq in 2005 as a security force. I was shot at, bombed, lost people I knew, saw people die, blown up, arms and legs blown in different directions, shot people, and while I was gone I missed the birth of my first daughter. I returned home, and drank my problems away. My relationship with my wife was bad, I was arrested for domestic abuse and she left me. She returned a month later, but I still had not changed. I continued to put them through torture, and was a wreck. They have definitely seen me at my worst. I got out of the marines and moved back to my home town. Things got better between me and my wife and my family and we had our third child, then I graduated to a fully functioning alcoholic. I rose with whiskey in my coffee, drank from my flask or airplane bottles during the day, and concluded with large glasses of whiskey at night. I took my travelers coffee mug with whiskey to all my kids events (boy scouts, sports, school etc...) always careful to hide my breath. I have a great job, a house, cars, I am not lacking on anything. You would never know that I was drunk when you talked to me, or even thought I had a problem. But it began to toll on all those around me because I had to have my liquor, and was an asshole without it. My wife was tired of putting up with it all and was on the verge of leaving, so I have quit. I partially drank to forget, and forget I have as I have lost a significant amount of memories. The past few years being nothing but a blur. I am nothing, all I know, all I remember is drinking. I have forgotten complete events, people who know me I don?t recognize, I am only 27 years old.
That is a little about me, what I can remember off the top of my head. More may come later, or not at all because I dont remember most of it.
That is a little about me, what I can remember off the top of my head. More may come later, or not at all because I dont remember most of it.
TDN
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